Its been awhile
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Its been awhile
I've been holding my head up high, hanging with my girlfriends, attending Alanon, and feeling really good about myself. and then... Darn he reaches out to me on a new number. Says he misses me, can't live without me, needs to quit his job and come move in with me. Oh wait... He's also drunk. Surprise- not...
Why do they continue to do this? I can laugh it off but I just wish he would take care of himself. It hurt to hear from him too (I have to admit it) but nothing has changed and nothing will. Looking ahead to brighter and better days
Why do they continue to do this? I can laugh it off but I just wish he would take care of himself. It hurt to hear from him too (I have to admit it) but nothing has changed and nothing will. Looking ahead to brighter and better days
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Why do they continue to do this?
it's called Drunk Dialing....get drunk, lonely or otherwise feeling sorry for oneself, and start going thru the phone numbers. one OUR end we think its a message just for US - what we fail to recognize is that ours is just one of MANY numbers probably dialed....
Drunk dialing
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Drunk dialing is an intoxicated person making phone calls that he or she would not likely make if sober, often a lonely individual calling former or current love interests.
In Kurt Vonnegut's 1969 novel Slaughterhouse-Five, the main character describes his tendency to drunk dial:
I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone. I get drunk, and I drive my wife away with breath like mustard gas and roses. And then, speaking gravely and elegantly into the telephone, I ask the telephone operators to connect me with this friend or that one, from whom I have not heard in years.
—Kurt Vonnegut[1]
Drunk texting, emailing, and editing internet sites are related phenomena, and potentially yet more embarrassing for the sender as, once the message is sent, it cannot be rescinded; the message may be misspelled (due to being drunk), and it might be reviewed and shared among many.
it's called Drunk Dialing....get drunk, lonely or otherwise feeling sorry for oneself, and start going thru the phone numbers. one OUR end we think its a message just for US - what we fail to recognize is that ours is just one of MANY numbers probably dialed....
Drunk dialing
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Drunk dialing is an intoxicated person making phone calls that he or she would not likely make if sober, often a lonely individual calling former or current love interests.
In Kurt Vonnegut's 1969 novel Slaughterhouse-Five, the main character describes his tendency to drunk dial:
I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone. I get drunk, and I drive my wife away with breath like mustard gas and roses. And then, speaking gravely and elegantly into the telephone, I ask the telephone operators to connect me with this friend or that one, from whom I have not heard in years.
—Kurt Vonnegut[1]
Drunk texting, emailing, and editing internet sites are related phenomena, and potentially yet more embarrassing for the sender as, once the message is sent, it cannot be rescinded; the message may be misspelled (due to being drunk), and it might be reviewed and shared among many.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Why do they continue to do this?
My ex got himself into a rut. He was like a broken record, all the same complaints, all the same self-inflicted misery, all the same problems he kept creating for himself.
As I've grown and changed, he's stayed stuck. Externally he's made some superficial changes- married a new enabler, moved in with her and her kids, but he still has all the same old issues, no insights, no personal growth, still drinking. I had a therapy appointment this morning and my doc was pointing out to me how much I've grown in the past year.
Really glad to hear a positive update from you. Sounds like you've made great strides in your own recovery. Good for you.
My ex got himself into a rut. He was like a broken record, all the same complaints, all the same self-inflicted misery, all the same problems he kept creating for himself.
As I've grown and changed, he's stayed stuck. Externally he's made some superficial changes- married a new enabler, moved in with her and her kids, but he still has all the same old issues, no insights, no personal growth, still drinking. I had a therapy appointment this morning and my doc was pointing out to me how much I've grown in the past year.
Really glad to hear a positive update from you. Sounds like you've made great strides in your own recovery. Good for you.
can't wait to attend some meetings this week
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Red, I am so glad things are getting better, and you are taking care of yourself. YOU DESERVE IT!
I'm also glad you can laugh about his nonsense - and see it for what it is. Of course it hurt to hear from him - he hurt you in a way you can't fathom doing to someone else. I hope you promptly blocked that new number - you and I both know how easy it is to get sucked back in when they are in the nice high point of their little roller coaster ride to hell...
Keep doing what you're doing - your future is infinitely brighter now~!
I'm also glad you can laugh about his nonsense - and see it for what it is. Of course it hurt to hear from him - he hurt you in a way you can't fathom doing to someone else. I hope you promptly blocked that new number - you and I both know how easy it is to get sucked back in when they are in the nice high point of their little roller coaster ride to hell...
Keep doing what you're doing - your future is infinitely brighter now~!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Why ? Who knows. I have had contacts by ex's that are simply ridiculous. Last year one contacted me I dated him when I was 28. I am 47. Stated he had gotten a divorce (he was NOT married when we dated) and "never forgot our good times". Really? I did - it took me a few to remember who he was.
You handled it well and sound good. Very happy for you.
You handled it well and sound good. Very happy for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
He still texts me.. I remain angry at his illness- he drinks to excess, has an underlying personality/mood disorder, cannot ever be alone, is probably considered a sex addict- and lastly, he's using me and my kindness because he KNOWS that I'll respond.
I know I shouldn't respond, but I still am. It doesn't phase me but eventually I'll look at him as pathetic, repulsive, disgusting, incapable of love, etc and I'll just ignore the heck out of him.
What do you guys think about this? What's your story and how does it relate? When you broke things off with the A and you finally become OK by taking care of yourself, did they always keep coming back? Did they suck you back in like a snake with venom? Mine tried- the most he got was me trying to get him to do some relaxation techniques to help his chemical imbalances in his brain (he was drunk and crying- could barely understand him. ) then he asks me to stay on the phone with him all night (even while we were sleeping) because he's so lonely and misses me HAHAHA. We're 3 hours away from each other and he wanted me to stay on the phone with him all night....even while we slept!
He was saying things like "I don't want to go back to being real tomorrow." And I'm done being a real person- I need to quit my job and stop pretending that I am an OK person (he's a teacher) but then he'd say things like- dammit why am I so incapable of love- I want love- you are my baby- you are the love of my life- why can't I be normal- I know I'm the problem why can't I just fix it.
This breaks my heart to hear the last part.
Anyhow guys, just curious if you have/had similar encounters with them after the breakup or even currently? I know I need to block him- it's best. And it is my hope that I'll just eventually start ignoring him.
I know I shouldn't respond, but I still am. It doesn't phase me but eventually I'll look at him as pathetic, repulsive, disgusting, incapable of love, etc and I'll just ignore the heck out of him.
What do you guys think about this? What's your story and how does it relate? When you broke things off with the A and you finally become OK by taking care of yourself, did they always keep coming back? Did they suck you back in like a snake with venom? Mine tried- the most he got was me trying to get him to do some relaxation techniques to help his chemical imbalances in his brain (he was drunk and crying- could barely understand him. ) then he asks me to stay on the phone with him all night (even while we were sleeping) because he's so lonely and misses me HAHAHA. We're 3 hours away from each other and he wanted me to stay on the phone with him all night....even while we slept!
He was saying things like "I don't want to go back to being real tomorrow." And I'm done being a real person- I need to quit my job and stop pretending that I am an OK person (he's a teacher) but then he'd say things like- dammit why am I so incapable of love- I want love- you are my baby- you are the love of my life- why can't I be normal- I know I'm the problem why can't I just fix it.
This breaks my heart to hear the last part.
Anyhow guys, just curious if you have/had similar encounters with them after the breakup or even currently? I know I need to block him- it's best. And it is my hope that I'll just eventually start ignoring him.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I had to treat it like it was MY addiction (because it was) and go cold turkey from all contact before I could really get the time and space that I needed to heal and recover. There was no substitute for that.
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