RedDog735

My boyfriend has been asking why I have been so distant lately. It's been 2 days since I've joined this site and gotten a lot of support. Should I share with him that I have been using this site/getting support? I am not sure what to say to him..

fluffyflea

Well would he understand what you are doing here?

Is he an active alcoholic?

biminiblue

If you want to continue to be able to post your inner thoughts without him being aware of them, I wouldn't tell him. Or, at least not tell him your user-name.

Things like talking about them without their knowledge sometimes doesn't go over too well, if they aren't in recovery themselves. It could make him angry.

LemonGirl

I wouldn't tell him. If you need to say something, just say you've been reading a lot?

SoberLeigh

I would not tell him.

RedDog735

He doesn't identify as an alcoholic. He thinks that he has underlying health issues that he does not have any interest in seeking help for (but alcoholics have underlying health issues, this is still an alcoholic nonetheless.) He binge drinks on Thursday, Fridays, and Saturdays. He has had two DUI's, is a school teacher, and frequently loses his cell phone, wallet, sunglasses, etc at the bar after a night of binge drinking. His actions are aggressive and monster-like, so I consider him an alcoholic.

biminiblue

Just assume that he will not like it one bit if he finds out you are on an alcoholism forum..

Liveitwell

Hmmm. I'm going to go with a big fat NO. I shared this site with my now ex husbabd so he could try out the alcoholism section (he had asked for support). He did not do anything else than track down all my posts, all 568 of thrm, send them to his sister who then stalked me on this site. I realize I dealt with absolutely crazy and insane hubby and inlaws, who are all alcoholic btw, but you don't know what someone will do when they see your inner most thoughts....and fears. In my case it was used against me in the worst way and now my ex is of course using my posts as PROOF thst I'm incapable of love and his drinking is not the problem ( or the big one, not the only one). If you do share this site, make sure you are okay with him finding you-and how ugly it could get since he's not in recovery.

atalose

What are you hoping to gain from him by telling him about you coming to SR for support?

fluffyflea

If you want to tell him you are here in hopes he'll get help forget it.

RedDog735

Maybe he could also seek help and support/comfort on this site. I am not too sure

redatlanta

I thought you broke up with him.

biminiblue

Give him the dignity to find his own recovery in his own time and in his own way.

It really will not go well if you tell him you are here.


"Oh, by the way, if you want any help here is where *I* found help, honey-bun."

I can not imagine any scenario that would play out after that which would be to your benefit. If he was ready for a Recovery website, he'd look for one.

This is your safe place.

RedDog735

I really need someone to contact in times like this when I do not what to do/what to say

SoberLeigh

^^^^. This.

Your BF's recovery is his responsibility. Let SR be your refuge.

RedDog735

It's so crazy how fast your mindset can change after you cave in and respond to your A. Yesterday I had NO desire at all to respond. But as soon as he asks where I have been lately, I just HAD to respond. I know better than this. I know it affects my ability to concentrate, sleep, and think. I know it heightens my anxiety. I know it leads to a pointless argument. YET I STILL RESPONDED.
He changed the subject to "well, in lighter news, I had a great day. I think morning workouts are the key." I am still stumped and want to reply, but I will refrain, I suppose...

SparkleKitty

This sounds like an addiction to me.

RedDog735

What do you mean by that? Like he has an addiction or myself?

SparkleKitty

It sounds like you have an addiction to him. You know that engaging with your DOC will have ill effects on you but you cannot help yourself.

maia1234

He doesn't tell you about his stuff, so why should you share about your recovery.

I use to leave alanon things around the house and it drove my XAH crazy. He once told me "going to alanon was like the nail in the coffin of our divorce." He had no idea what it was, but he hated it. He was threatened by the unknown. He felt they were brain washing me to the "other side". Not really, as all it was teaching me to get healthy and not enabling him to continue to act like a child.

I just had my 4th month anniversary of my divorce, I am sad about him, but I am loving my life!!!!!!!!