littlesister1

Jeez

Back into the maelstrom that is my brothers life.

Tried to help, sent him a cell phone (5th or 6th one and some money)
Cell phone doesn't work where he lives
Had to listen to his speed freak friend rant on and on

He is out on his ass on Saturday
He has cancer, pacreatits and emphysma

His doctors cut him off everything due to his drinking

After dealing with him for an hour my arthritis flared again - been battling it for months.

I can't do this anymore, I am putting MY health at risk.

My brother is ill and is going to die in the streets and I feel like I am abandoning him

I feel like crap

SparkleKitty

You have extended yourself to him so thoroughly and so many times you are literally sick from it.

You cannot give the desire to survive to another person, I'm so sorry. Do not add to your pain by imagining that there is anything more you could do, my friend. There isn't.

littlesister1

Thank you, kind words I really need

I just feel like I don't care as much as I should anymore

lillamy

You are responsible for you. You are responsible for taking care of yourself and your own health. You have done more than most people would dream of for your brother. You can't help a person who doesn't want to help himself. And as heartbreaking as it is, it's not worth losing your health and life over trying any longer.

littlesister1

You are so right......

Thank you - it's just so hard

lillamy

Of course it is hard. (((hugs)))

I remember going to a therapist years ago asking for help with my AXH's drinking. The therapist gave me a bunch of truths that I didn't want to hear (including "he isn't going to quit drinking unless he wants to quit drinking, no matter what you do") and then he ended by saying, "If you're waiting and hoping that he will die, you need to think again: Most of the time, the spouse of an alcoholic dies before the alcoholic, because they're just plumb worn out, body and soul."

Loving someone with addiction or mental illness will wear you out. Take care of yourself.

hopeful4

Hugs, and more hugs. How awful.

I think before you react, before you give him a dollar or make that next phone call, ask yourself, will this change anything at all except make my own self even sicker. I don't say that harshly as I cannot even imagine what you are going through, my heart hurts for you.

Let Go, Let God. I hope you get some much needed R&R very soon!

littlesister1

Thank you

On top of all this my job ends Friday, I've known this was coming AND I have another job lined up with a week off.
Already booked a room in Tahoe for 3 nights - for ME!!

hopeful4

Wonderful (the trip and time off). Hope you have a great time in Tahoe and rest your brain and body!

littlesister1

My grandpa built the home he and grandma lived in there, I am super excited to see it again.
No longer in the family but still.......

Thank you!

readerbaby71

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how difficult and painful this situation must be for you. You have done all you can. He doesn't want help and there is nothing you can do about that.

I am so glad you're taking care of yourself. Enjoy Tahoe--it's so beautiful! Spending time in the mountains always makes me feel better.

Hugs to you. xoxox

littlesister1

Thank you!
Going to hike the Rubicon Trail and take a lunch time boat cruise.....

Gotta get me some new books!

Christopher1

You are looking after yourself because it is all you can do now:you are not abandoning your brother;he has abandoned himself and there is nothing we can do when that happens.So sorry.