I Finally Lost It.....:(
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: over there
Posts: 253
I Finally Lost It.....:(
I grabbed Him around his T Shirt neck and shouted in his face after finding the sofa deluged, yet again, his wet bedding dumped on the new flooring and rug and discovered he'd taken sleeping pills with all his booze. I'm normally calm, placid and have never raised a hand to anyone...ever. I'm mortified but I can't take anymore but he not moving out for 14 days. He now smug that he's married a shrew with no self control and HE'S the victim. He sneering at my diy attempts to get the house on the market ( I've arthritic hands) and telling me to "Like it or lump it but he not going until the 15th August and if I don't like it I can move out." I've disabled children here and nowhere to go. 
If I leave he'll change the locks and refuse to sell the house.
Tell me how to get through the next 2 weeks when I've lost all ability to deal with him at all and his actions are still impacting on the whole household? I'm so tired of this I just want curl up and die. I can hardly function. I've lost 2 stone in weight in 2 months cos I can't eat. I have older kids telling me it's my fault for letting him bring booze in the house but he drinks when I'm asleep and I can't stop him. Why doesn't anyone realise I can't stop him? I can't do this any more. He's a closed off, smug, selfish nasty piece of work. I've realised he always was and that nothing to do with his drinking.
If I leave he'll change the locks and refuse to sell the house.Tell me how to get through the next 2 weeks when I've lost all ability to deal with him at all and his actions are still impacting on the whole household? I'm so tired of this I just want curl up and die. I can hardly function. I've lost 2 stone in weight in 2 months cos I can't eat. I have older kids telling me it's my fault for letting him bring booze in the house but he drinks when I'm asleep and I can't stop him. Why doesn't anyone realise I can't stop him? I can't do this any more. He's a closed off, smug, selfish nasty piece of work. I've realised he always was and that nothing to do with his drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Oh my gosh Tansy, that sounds so awful, my heart really goes out to you.
Please don't beat yourself up about losing it at him. I know how bad you must feel, how much you must not recognise yourself - I once hit my AH....I've never hit anyone in my life and ABHOR violence to the extreme. I couldn't believe what I had become. You've been pushed to the absolute limits, please be kind to yourself about this.
It sounds like you are being held hostage. Is there anyone else that can come stay with you.
I have no other advice...my heart goes out to you though. You are in my thoughts.
Please don't beat yourself up about losing it at him. I know how bad you must feel, how much you must not recognise yourself - I once hit my AH....I've never hit anyone in my life and ABHOR violence to the extreme. I couldn't believe what I had become. You've been pushed to the absolute limits, please be kind to yourself about this.
It sounds like you are being held hostage. Is there anyone else that can come stay with you.
I have no other advice...my heart goes out to you though. You are in my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
What about calling an ambulance if you find him passed out like that again?
Mixing the pills and booze is dangerous and he could die from it.
I think the idea of one of the adult kids staying for a few days is a good one.
Mixing the pills and booze is dangerous and he could die from it.
I think the idea of one of the adult kids staying for a few days is a good one.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Oh my heart is breaking for you. Can you at least get out to a meeting or a walk in the park or something to get yourself some distance for an hour or so at a time? I am so sorry things are escalating like this for you, sending you TONS of prayers & positive thoughts today. ((((((HUGS))))))
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Tansy,
You have made it this far two more weeks is nothing. YOU are strong enough. Right now it is all about survival. It sucks but let nothing he does faze you. Take care of yourself and the kids and nothing else. He makes a mess just leave it. It may be gross and you will have to through out the sofa but at the end of the day who cares. He is going to try his hardest now to break you. Dont let him.
Come here and cry all you need to but dont let him see you weak. Save your falling apart for the day after he leaves
You have made it this far two more weeks is nothing. YOU are strong enough. Right now it is all about survival. It sucks but let nothing he does faze you. Take care of yourself and the kids and nothing else. He makes a mess just leave it. It may be gross and you will have to through out the sofa but at the end of the day who cares. He is going to try his hardest now to break you. Dont let him.
Come here and cry all you need to but dont let him see you weak. Save your falling apart for the day after he leaves
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Hey, hang in there, we're all sending big hugs. They are here whenever you need them. We are here whenever you need us.
When alcoholics know that you are going to leave them, and/or just after you've left them, their behavior is the worst they can possibly manage.
They are losing their safe bunk aboard the ship that takes care of their every need. They are being abandoned, in their minds. They believe they are entitled to whatever they believe they are entitled to, and you are robbing them.
They feel that they can righteously punish you for disturbing them. They want to scare you into not leaving them. They want to guilt you into not leaving them. They want to prove to you that you just can't make it without them. The best target for all their rage is you.
And beneath all that turbulence and rage, there may be a memory of what it was to love you when they were whole, and they may feel the echoes of a great deal of loss.
This is their drama. They can't do it any better. If they could, they would be healing from their alcoholism, and they aren't. You can let them have it.
You can start living your new, healthier, happier life today. Thank about boundaries - "is this behavior, this problem, mine or his?" Then let what is "his" go.
And soon, count down the days, you will be out and it will be done.
ShootingStar1
When alcoholics know that you are going to leave them, and/or just after you've left them, their behavior is the worst they can possibly manage.
They are losing their safe bunk aboard the ship that takes care of their every need. They are being abandoned, in their minds. They believe they are entitled to whatever they believe they are entitled to, and you are robbing them.
They feel that they can righteously punish you for disturbing them. They want to scare you into not leaving them. They want to guilt you into not leaving them. They want to prove to you that you just can't make it without them. The best target for all their rage is you.
And beneath all that turbulence and rage, there may be a memory of what it was to love you when they were whole, and they may feel the echoes of a great deal of loss.
This is their drama. They can't do it any better. If they could, they would be healing from their alcoholism, and they aren't. You can let them have it.
You can start living your new, healthier, happier life today. Thank about boundaries - "is this behavior, this problem, mine or his?" Then let what is "his" go.
And soon, count down the days, you will be out and it will be done.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
(((((hugs))))) Tansy. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You don't have to get through 2 weeks right now, just the next few hours or minutes. However you can break it down to manageable pieces. Just make it through the next hour and then focus on the _next_ hour.
Please know that no matter what HE thinks, you are not a shrew. Give yourself a little lee-way and remember to take care of yourself, too; you're dealing with a very difficult situation.
Please know that no matter what HE thinks, you are not a shrew. Give yourself a little lee-way and remember to take care of yourself, too; you're dealing with a very difficult situation.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
These two weeks will be long, but it's two weeks. You CAN DO IT! I would be away from the home as much as possible. If that is not possible, I would lock myself into another room with the door locked. Your older kids need alanon/alateen to ever understand. My kids finally grasp I cannot change dear old dad, but it took a long time. Whey are they not helping you at the house?
Two weeks.....you can do it!
Two weeks.....you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Oh Tansy. I'm so sorry.
This is when you grit your teeth and you get mad. You will get through! You've been living this way a long time. You've been through this much you can get through another 2 weeks - only 2 more weeks. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! You focus on that and every time he does what he does, every time you want to shake him, every time you feel like you can't take one more second you look at that light and you get determined. You keep walking that tunnel and each step is another minute, hour, another day, closer to the light.
Find a couple of phrases, or quotes, - short simple things that you gather strength from and repeat them over and over in your head when you are getting so overwhelmed. Anything to take your minds focus off him and all his crazy and back on that light.
Imagine that your friends here at SR are in that tunnel with you. We offer you little beams of light, a soft hand, and encouraging word every step of the way. You are not alone even though you must keep walking and it is so dark right now. I had a similar image and I would close my eyes and imagine specific people sayings specific things.
It is hard. I know it is. If you feel unsafe please take to heart the above suggestions. We are all pulling for you.
This is when you grit your teeth and you get mad. You will get through! You've been living this way a long time. You've been through this much you can get through another 2 weeks - only 2 more weeks. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! You focus on that and every time he does what he does, every time you want to shake him, every time you feel like you can't take one more second you look at that light and you get determined. You keep walking that tunnel and each step is another minute, hour, another day, closer to the light.
Find a couple of phrases, or quotes, - short simple things that you gather strength from and repeat them over and over in your head when you are getting so overwhelmed. Anything to take your minds focus off him and all his crazy and back on that light.
Imagine that your friends here at SR are in that tunnel with you. We offer you little beams of light, a soft hand, and encouraging word every step of the way. You are not alone even though you must keep walking and it is so dark right now. I had a similar image and I would close my eyes and imagine specific people sayings specific things.
It is hard. I know it is. If you feel unsafe please take to heart the above suggestions. We are all pulling for you.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: over there
Posts: 253
Thank you all for your support. It means so much just having you all here and knowing what it's like. He was supposed to be leaving today but it got postponed cos he won't leave until the house is market ready and I think the combination of the feeling today was supposed to be leaving day and what he'd done just tipped me over the edge.
My older kids are here but some aren't helpful to me cos they see it that I should put up with him and not rock the boat. They still blame me for how he is and expect me to sort him out. They think I should just let him "get on with it" and live separate life's and not split up. They think I'm too old to start again and it just a fantasy of mine. That no one else will want me so why bother? I don't agree btw. I see many positives to being away from exah. They are moving out themselves the day he does. ( not with him) 3 of my sons are not in agreement with the rest and are glad he is going. They are staying with me.
I have told everyone I know what he is like. It seems to have reined him in for now. He's wary of upsetting some of my friends. One's a policeman. I overheard him telling my dd he only had two days left of sleeping pills and the doctor had said he couldn't have anymore. Then he said to me he'd not have booze and pills until he leaves but he only said it cos he's run out of pills. Big of him seeing as he will have none. He such a liar.
I'm calm now and locked in my room. I have dog that will savage him if he goes near me so I feel safe. Well as safe as I ever get. I've resigned myself to throwing the sofa away and to make sure he leaves on time I've got a nice handy man on standby to finish the jobs. He is going one way or another.
He so strange tho. He has awful outbursts then acts like nothing has happened. I wont be sad when he goes. I loathe what he has become, hate my life with him and just want it to be over.
My older kids are here but some aren't helpful to me cos they see it that I should put up with him and not rock the boat. They still blame me for how he is and expect me to sort him out. They think I should just let him "get on with it" and live separate life's and not split up. They think I'm too old to start again and it just a fantasy of mine. That no one else will want me so why bother? I don't agree btw. I see many positives to being away from exah. They are moving out themselves the day he does. ( not with him) 3 of my sons are not in agreement with the rest and are glad he is going. They are staying with me.
I have told everyone I know what he is like. It seems to have reined him in for now. He's wary of upsetting some of my friends. One's a policeman. I overheard him telling my dd he only had two days left of sleeping pills and the doctor had said he couldn't have anymore. Then he said to me he'd not have booze and pills until he leaves but he only said it cos he's run out of pills. Big of him seeing as he will have none. He such a liar.
I'm calm now and locked in my room. I have dog that will savage him if he goes near me so I feel safe. Well as safe as I ever get. I've resigned myself to throwing the sofa away and to make sure he leaves on time I've got a nice handy man on standby to finish the jobs. He is going one way or another.
He so strange tho. He has awful outbursts then acts like nothing has happened. I wont be sad when he goes. I loathe what he has become, hate my life with him and just want it to be over.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
