Rosiepetal

I've not been feeling that great this past week.
I'm struggling financially & although I am trying so hard to live day by day the future does scare me.
I am providing the best I can for the children & a huge amount of my earnings goes on sport & the rest on day to day living.
The XH doesn't pay for sports in any way & never has.
He has just bought the girls flash new mobile phones which I think is great as I could never afford them & pleased to say he has taken over their monthly phone charges which I was wondering how I was going to pay for this month.
I don't know, I've just been feeling inadequate. I will never be in a 2 parent family like he is, I will never be able to spend the money he is on the children, hang on a minute I am actually am but it is for sport & you can't see anything for that.
This week XH had the children for an overnight & because I am so tired of running around organising my kids & everything for him for smooth transition I decided I would leave school gear with my child at sport so XH could pick up from sport instead of me taking it, organising it & handing it over. What happened?
My daughter had no school shoes or drink bottle the next day. Point made.
On Monday night XH was on phone to kids holding up the night time routine of getting them off to bed. I let that ride.
Lastnight I'd planned as our only free night together the children & I would get organised early & have a nice restful night with a movie. My youngest has been under the weather & clearly needed the rest. What happened? XH rings up right in the middle of the movie & that gets put on hold & delays the early night I'd planned for youngest daughter by half an hour. I was so annoyed he was holding us up that after half hour passed I yelled at top of my voice "we are trying to watch a movie" even though both kids had told him.
Now I am completely annoyed with myself for such childish behaviour & for loosing my cool in front of the children. I just wanted to be left alone to enjoy "our time" & stick to our plan for wellbeing.
I know what I did was wrong but I just feel like I'm constantly competing against him & his GF at the moment & feeling inadequate.
Words of encouragement are welcome.

happybeingme

You are doing a fine job. Love, security and routine are the most important thing. Sounds like you are providing that. Is he paying any support?
I would also implement rules on phone calls especially on school nights.
Give yourself a break you are a good mom

Rosiepetal

Have battled child support for years with this man but am hoping it is coming right.
Unfortunately it is in our agreement that phone calls can take place as long as before 8.30.
I would note that he was on phone until 9pm the other night which was the night I wanted to get them off to bed before that time.

AnvilheadII

so HE bought the girls phones...and had them overnight.....and his daughter had no school shoes etc...and he kept them on the phone past their bedtime.

oooo. what a show of parenting. NOT.

meanwhile mom clothes them, feeds them, provides for them, makes sure they have clean clothes for school and enough to eat, makes sure they do their homework, participate in the sport of their choice, getting them to meetings and practices, does the shopping, the dishes, the laundry, the household chores and repairs, teacher conferences, homework....

you HAVE the children fulltime except during his short visits. you get to wake them up, put them to bed, watch them grow and change every day.

and you are jealous of him?????

AnvilheadII

so HE bought the girls phones...and had them overnight.....and his daughter had no school shoes etc...and he kept them on the phone past their bedtime.

oooo. what a show of parenting. NOT.

meanwhile mom clothes them, feeds them, provides for them, makes sure they have clean clothes for school and enough to eat, makes sure they do their homework, participate in the sport of their choice, getting them to meetings and practices, does the meal planning, shopping, and cooking, the dishes, the laundry, the household chores and repairs, teacher conferences, homework....

you HAVE the children fulltime except during his short visits. you get to wake them up, put them to bed, watch them grow and change every day.

and you are jealous of him?????

ladyscribbler

Setting boundaries is not wrong, and I've definitely lost my cool when my ex was making some ridiculous show of exercising his "parental rights."
Maybe next time just get the phone from your kids and say, "You can talk tomorrow, right now it's bedtime. Bye." Then just hang up. I do that to my ex all the time. Simple, calm statement of fact, a polite goodbye, then hang up. It took a bit, but he has learned the phone boundaries and now abides by them about 95% of the time.

Rosiepetal

Thanks
Not jealous of him just feel like I'm in competition with him.
Maybe it's the year long court process, maybe its the 71/2 since separation BS I've had to deal with this man, maybe its the additional financial stress that's coming when court case is finalised.
I want to be free from him but it's hard to forget when he's ringing up all the time interrupting my parenting space.
I went to grocery store this week & bumped into the girlfriend (who is my ex best friend). It's in my face constantly.
I just want to be left alone to do my parenting in my time.
You're right though, you can't put a price on how well the kids have done in my care.
I do however have a sinking feeling that he will be sneakily working towards getting them to go live with him which actually won't be possible until age of 16 anyway.

Rosiepetal

Thanks ladyscribbler, I just might try that.

iamthird

It is not a contest, keep remembering that. I get upset too when its all fun and games with dad who is desperately overcompensating. You are the stability. You arent doing it for the accolades, you are doing it cuz youre a fantastic mother. I know it seems like he is living it up but he is not. I understand about hating the new gf cuz I did too and still have my moments but reality is they are not happy. Keep doing the right thing cuz thats the person you want to be. Your children will know one day who their rock was. Until then, we will keep telling you!

hopeful4

They will see through it. When i want us time w my girls i make them put their phones on silent. Works great. You are raising your kids, you dont need to buy their love.

Hugs

mejo

This is an awesome response!!!

NWGRITS

The exhole tried to rub it in my face that he had his own house now instead of living with his mother, and a live-in gf (Congratulations on accomplishing a pretty normal adult task, there. Cookie?). He's been throwing it around that the kids would want to live with him because he got them tablets and all this other stuff (but "can't" help pay for DD6's ABA therapy bills). Said live-in gf tried to kill herself with our children in the house because she wanted him only, not kids. He is staying with her. Alrighty then. Fantastic job you're doing there in the decision making department, honey. The kids have been uncharacteristically quiet since The Incident, but DD came home yesterday and was completely herself again. She hasn't even touched that fancy new tablet since she's been back. We've been spending time playing, reading, and picking apples together.

So what if he has money and a gf? You have a genuine love and desire to do the best for your children. That will go so much further for them than new phones

happybeingme

As an adult child what I had wanted most was a mom who was engaged. One who wasnt always too busy and too tired. Who wasnt always pulling the poor me thing. To have a mom who cleaned the house, cooked dinner, did laundry, taught me hygiene. But, she was too busy being a victim so my sisters and I had to fend for ourselves.

So, any mom or dad here who is worrying I just want you to know that simply sharing how worried you are about doing good enough tells me you are doing an awesome job