Back after 10 months or so
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Back after 10 months or so
Wow, I didn't realize how long it had been since I've been here. Going to take my time catching up.
A lot has happened since last June, but going to try to ease into this as I go, and not write a book
Things are currently pretty good.......
WWD
A lot has happened since last June, but going to try to ease into this as I go, and not write a book
Things are currently pretty good.......
WWD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
I've been lurking these days more than anything. Things are not good. I feel like so much has happened and don't want to write a book
After over a year clean my son relapsed back in September. He got back in rehab a couple months ago and then went from there to sober living after. It's about 50 min away, and was less than a mile from his daughter. Huge sober network there and he was very excited.
Unfortunately, he's in a very toxic relationship, and his "fiancé", who we have cut all ties with, convinced him to come back.
He has had an open case with DCF for almost 2 years until recently when it was closed. (both parents were addicts, and I reported them in April 2015 - we had custody of my GD for a few months) My GD's mother was willing to share custody 50/50 with him, and even after this latest relapse, she was willing to give him 50/50 legal, just not physical until he started showing more consistency. (she's amazingly supportive/tolerant).
so.......the custody hearing was set for 2/27, and he didn't show...... In 2 years, he's never missed one. ever.....so, as you can guess - mom got custody.
Now, he recently got about a 9K tax return, he's deleted his FB account, and I just realized this week that he's changed his telephone number. So we have NO contact whatsoever.
thankful I am close with my GDs mother. Sad for my 4 YO granddaughter that she has not seen or heard from her dad in almost 2 months now since he left the sober living facility.
It just never ends........
After over a year clean my son relapsed back in September. He got back in rehab a couple months ago and then went from there to sober living after. It's about 50 min away, and was less than a mile from his daughter. Huge sober network there and he was very excited.
Unfortunately, he's in a very toxic relationship, and his "fiancé", who we have cut all ties with, convinced him to come back.
He has had an open case with DCF for almost 2 years until recently when it was closed. (both parents were addicts, and I reported them in April 2015 - we had custody of my GD for a few months) My GD's mother was willing to share custody 50/50 with him, and even after this latest relapse, she was willing to give him 50/50 legal, just not physical until he started showing more consistency. (she's amazingly supportive/tolerant).
so.......the custody hearing was set for 2/27, and he didn't show...... In 2 years, he's never missed one. ever.....so, as you can guess - mom got custody.
Now, he recently got about a 9K tax return, he's deleted his FB account, and I just realized this week that he's changed his telephone number. So we have NO contact whatsoever.
thankful I am close with my GDs mother. Sad for my 4 YO granddaughter that she has not seen or heard from her dad in almost 2 months now since he left the sober living facility.
It just never ends........
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear WWD, I am sending prayers for you and your dear family. It's so hard when our children have success and then they relapse. Keep your dear Granddaughter close. Hugs to you. TT
QUOTE=Whitewingeddove;6379440]I've been lurking these days more than anything. Things are not good. I feel like so much has happened and don't want to write a book
After over a year clean my son relapsed back in September. He got back in rehab a couple months ago and then went from there to sober living after. It's about 50 min away, and was less than a mile from his daughter. Huge sober network there and he was very excited.
Unfortunately, he's in a very toxic relationship, and his "fiancé", who we have cut all ties with, convinced him to come back.
He has had an open case with DCF for almost 2 years until recently when it was closed. (both parents were addicts, and I reported them in April 2015 - we had custody of my GD for a few months) My GD's mother was willing to share custody 50/50 with him, and even after this latest relapse, she was willing to give him 50/50 legal, just not physical until he started showing more consistency. (she's amazingly supportive/tolerant).
so.......the custody hearing was set for 2/27, and he didn't show...... In 2 years, he's never missed one. ever.....so, as you can guess - mom got custody.
Now, he recently got about a 9K tax return, he's deleted his FB account, and I just realized this week that he's changed his telephone number. So we have NO contact whatsoever.
thankful I am close with my GDs mother. Sad for my 4 YO granddaughter that she has not seen or heard from her dad in almost 2 months now since he left the sober living facility.
It just never ends........[/QUOTE]
QUOTE=Whitewingeddove;6379440]I've been lurking these days more than anything. Things are not good. I feel like so much has happened and don't want to write a book
After over a year clean my son relapsed back in September. He got back in rehab a couple months ago and then went from there to sober living after. It's about 50 min away, and was less than a mile from his daughter. Huge sober network there and he was very excited.
Unfortunately, he's in a very toxic relationship, and his "fiancé", who we have cut all ties with, convinced him to come back.
He has had an open case with DCF for almost 2 years until recently when it was closed. (both parents were addicts, and I reported them in April 2015 - we had custody of my GD for a few months) My GD's mother was willing to share custody 50/50 with him, and even after this latest relapse, she was willing to give him 50/50 legal, just not physical until he started showing more consistency. (she's amazingly supportive/tolerant).
so.......the custody hearing was set for 2/27, and he didn't show...... In 2 years, he's never missed one. ever.....so, as you can guess - mom got custody.
Now, he recently got about a 9K tax return, he's deleted his FB account, and I just realized this week that he's changed his telephone number. So we have NO contact whatsoever.
thankful I am close with my GDs mother. Sad for my 4 YO granddaughter that she has not seen or heard from her dad in almost 2 months now since he left the sober living facility.
It just never ends........[/QUOTE]
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Much thanks to all. I am starting to find "acceptance" as strange as that sounds. Acceptance that he makes his own choices, and nothing I can do will alter his path. I'm trying to look at all the positives in my life and focus on that, rather than this situation. It helps to be honest, that I am really really really angry with him right now. He's done so much over the years, but this absence from his daughter is something I would never have predicted. I am literally disgusted with him right now. Strange to feel that way about your own child, but the reality at this point.
WWD
WWD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear WWD,
I could never predict what my daughters would do and when one decided she was sick of being sick...I was in denial! The trust just wasn't there. But she did it on her own, I had to let her go, like I've been saying lately " she used to be mine" she is now her own person, in recovery and with a plan.
Take good care of yourself dear WWD, you know I care about you and we are always here for you to give you hope and support.
Thinking of you and sending prayers for comfort
Many hugs!
TF
I could never predict what my daughters would do and when one decided she was sick of being sick...I was in denial! The trust just wasn't there. But she did it on her own, I had to let her go, like I've been saying lately " she used to be mine" she is now her own person, in recovery and with a plan.
Take good care of yourself dear WWD, you know I care about you and we are always here for you to give you hope and support.
Thinking of you and sending prayers for comfort
Many hugs!TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Thanks to all. My counselor tells me that my anger seems to be "serving me well" right now. I have to agree. My son's absence from his sweet daughters life is like a boundary he has finally crossed with me. He's stepped over an invisible line.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
WWD, your son could be my son, that`s how it was with him. He`d get some quality recovery under his belt and then, good day or bad, he'd relapse and the circus began again. After years and years of this, it almost killed ME, while he continued the revolving door of addiction/recovery/relapse.
I haven't seen or heard from him in over 10 years, I stopped counting, but I pray for him each morning and give his care to God. That keeps me sane and allows me to live my life well, as God intended.
I will add your son to my prayers, that he finds a better path soon.
I send big hugs from my heart to yours.
I haven't seen or heard from him in over 10 years, I stopped counting, but I pray for him each morning and give his care to God. That keeps me sane and allows me to live my life well, as God intended.
I will add your son to my prayers, that he finds a better path soon.
I send big hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
a couple of weeks ago my son took down his Facebook page. I know I could have "blocked" him in the past, but I could never bring myself to do it. Shortly after, he changed his telephone # and did not give us the new one. Strange as it sounds, I think he's done me a favor at the moment. I need this respite for now. He called his dad this weekend, but I haven't asked my husband for the #. I'm not putting it in my phone. I don't want to be tempted to send texts or leave voicemails which will go unanswered and leave me sad...
He did however finally call his ex yesterday afternoon and speak with his daughter. I've got mixed feelings about that. I'm glad he did, but actions are louder than words at this point. If he can't be somewhat consistent about contact (even if its just phone calls for now), it's almost better if he stays away, so she's not up and down with her dad...
He did however finally call his ex yesterday afternoon and speak with his daughter. I've got mixed feelings about that. I'm glad he did, but actions are louder than words at this point. If he can't be somewhat consistent about contact (even if its just phone calls for now), it's almost better if he stays away, so she's not up and down with her dad...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I totally get what you are saying. I have 2 grandchildren (by two different ladies) that I never get to see because when they cut off all contact with my son (because he too could not keep his promises or be consistent and it was too emotionally upsetting for the child), that included me.
My son cut contact with me too, he was in a very manic meth paranoia last time he called, then he disappeared.
People ask me why I don't go looking for him but the answer is "and if I find him...then what?" I cannot invite the circus back to town. If he gets clean for a significant length of time, he knows how to contact me even though I have moved a couple of times since he left. My family knows to let him call my cell phone (which doesn't divulge where I am). At the time he disappeared he had really pissed off the wrong people, his girlfriend's dad was a biker gang member, so I keep off social media and keep a low profile. The wrong people could use me to get at him.
I think what I am trying to share here is that sometimes we have to let go entirely. To remain connected would have killed me and wouldn't have helped him at all. I don't love him any less, it just is what it is and I have to live with it and pray for God to watch over both of us.
I don't want to make any of this about me, I've found my peace with it all. But I hope sharing lets you know that there are people here who truly know what you are going through.
Hugs
My son cut contact with me too, he was in a very manic meth paranoia last time he called, then he disappeared.
People ask me why I don't go looking for him but the answer is "and if I find him...then what?" I cannot invite the circus back to town. If he gets clean for a significant length of time, he knows how to contact me even though I have moved a couple of times since he left. My family knows to let him call my cell phone (which doesn't divulge where I am). At the time he disappeared he had really pissed off the wrong people, his girlfriend's dad was a biker gang member, so I keep off social media and keep a low profile. The wrong people could use me to get at him.
I think what I am trying to share here is that sometimes we have to let go entirely. To remain connected would have killed me and wouldn't have helped him at all. I don't love him any less, it just is what it is and I have to live with it and pray for God to watch over both of us.
I don't want to make any of this about me, I've found my peace with it all. But I hope sharing lets you know that there are people here who truly know what you are going through.
Hugs
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Not taking it that way at all (that you are making this about you) I appreciate your kind words and it helps to not be alone. Lately I have felt a big weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm starting to think more about other things in life than I used to, and I'm actually looking forward to some things more. I think I am starting to gain some "acceptance" finally.....I struggle with that, because I do love and care about him, but this latest issue with his daughter has me so upset/emotional, angry, PO'd, that I'm finally kind of throwing my hands up and saying "it is what it is, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it". I am so very very greatful to have a wonderful relationship rebuilt with my granddaughters mom. We can see my GD any time we like and in fact both mom & GD are coming tomorrow to stay with us for the weekend (they live about an hour away). It's odd that sometimes I feel like I am losing a son, but gaining a daughter.....
thanks again
thanks again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear WWD and Ann, I know that feeling of the boundary being crossed and the understanding that they just aren't where we want them to be. With my son its always around a woman. He continues to leave his path for that taste of passion. I am so DONE hearing about the women, and then the circumstances he is left with when it doesn't work out. He is currently in a recovery home, but nothing has really changed with his behaviors and his choices. I pray daily for him and I appreciate the times I get to see him, but mostly I am OUT of the way and trying very hard to keep myself detached.
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