journeygal

(((((((((Tiger))))))))

I've also spent many nights driving around in seedy neighborhoods looking for my A's car. I called his sponsor once, who offered to go find him and pick him, but A showed up before it go to that. I know how it feels to walk around like a zombie, barely living b/c you can't eat or sleep and you're so sick with worry. I know what it's like to jump when the phone rings, praying it's him but sometimes hoping it's NOT him b/c you're just not ready to deal with him yet. That helpless panicked feeling will literally drive you insane.

I wish I had found recovery while my husband was still using b/c it would have helped me deal with his binges. Have you found any al-anon or nar-anon meetings? Waiting around for him will only drive you crazy. Try to keep busy. If you can't find a meeting, go to a movie or call a friend or do anything just to keep yourself occupied and keep your mind busy. The more you can focus on yourself instead of him, the better off you'll be.

I know how hard this is and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
JG

Tiger Eyes

Hi everyone! I haven't been able to get online lately, but I finallly got a chance to get on with my sister's computer. Hubby is still "OUT" of his mind. I changed the locks on the house, and he still managed to get in the house and STOLE MY LAPTOP. So I don't have a computer now, but at this point, he is getting quite desperate.

I don't know if any of you have ever gone through something like this where your Addict is just NEVER going to get out of this? It's been three weeks now of nonstop use. I do believe I have had enough THIS time, and I'm filing for the divorce papers today.

Wish me luck everyone. I think because he nows I've had it, he's not going to stop until he takes everything from me....everything I've worked hard for all my life. The police just can't seem to catch him.....

I hope to be able to get another computer again. (Police won't let me report anything stolen because we are still "technically" married. So they said it's okay for him to come into the house anytime, and take whatever he wants....)

*Sigh* thanks for listening.

Marissa

bandibabe

Tiger:
May God give you the strength to get through this I know how hard it is I'm going through it right now w/my x to be.

Except I had to leave my house, I took what I could and left and I'm letting my lawyer sort it out. At the time I couldn't be worried about whats going to happen to my sofa etc..

Your husband is exactly how mine was/is, just out of control. It took me a couple of mos. to actually file for divorce but I did it and I'm kicking myself for not doing it sooner but live and learn. Maybe I thought once I was gone he would get it together but that wasn't the case.

He is now 5mos later in FLA saying he is going to stay there for 1month and go to meetings etc.. As I see it he is just avoiding his recovery, away from the real world.

Good Luck Tiger and stay strong. Do what you have to and don't doubt yourself!

margo

(((((Marissa))))) Sending you lots of support and hugs. I know about those horrific days-long crack binges and the fear that goes with them, although I've never had to go through anything quite like what you are. I have to say that I agree 100% with what you're doing - enough is enough. Damn these ridiculous laws too for not being able to give you and your property more protection. Is there a way that you can get any valuables you may have left to a safe place? Or is there anywhere that you can move yourself and your belongings to? I would bet my last dollar that you and his grandmother are not the only ones having their property stolen, and hopefully the law will catch up with your husband soon.

Personally, I would not feel safe if a person on a non-stop crack binge were able to get into my home - they can get to the point where they are really out of control mentally and I am concerned about your safety. Please, be sure to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself - perhaps a restraining order would be the way to go until you can get out?

Love and lots of hugs, Marissa.

j davis

Tiger,

If you file for a restraining order or an order of protection, he can't come in and steal from you anymore. Coming to your home would be a violation and they could pick him up. I had to do this and it was the only thing that worked but by then, most of "our" stuff was gone.

God bless.

allwehaveishope

HUG! My heart goes out to you. I am sitting here teary reliving many nightmares like yours now.

Just keep moving forward. The ladies are right..you definately do not need this in your life and are ready to end it. I am sure you care and love this man but they are right enough is enough.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom to offer or some magical potion we could pour on your head to make it all better but I am afraid I am fresh out. Believe me you will be making your own magic once you end this.

Many thoughts and prayers go out to you. Keep strong.

hugs and love
Kelaine

journeygal

((((Marissa)))))

I'm so sorry this nightmare hasn't ended, and I can't believe the cops said they can't do anything about your husband breaking in and stealing from you - good grief!!! I agree w/ the others - get a restraining order. Your husband sounds completely out of control, so he'll probably keep breaking in until he's taken everything of value.

I know this is rough for you, having to file for divorce and deal with all of this. Just remember we're always here, we care, and we support you.

Hugs,
JG

Tiger Eyes

((((((((((((((((((((((My friends)))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you for all your support. As you can see, I am able to get online again, because now I'm staying with my sister. At first, I was staying at my mother's but Addict has been calling there all night. Tonight, I managed to inform him over the phone that there is now a restraining order and divorce papers filed today. I could tell he was very loaded, but he was definitely up to no good, from how he sounded over the phone. I have had to relocate from my own home, to my mothers, and now to my sisters. I've turned off my phone, and even though I don't have any kids, I have a dog and cat I love very much. They've been my "babies" even before I met Addict.

On the phone after Addict found out about the restraining order, he actually threatened to take my pets. I fear it may be very serious this time.

I am crying in the side to think it has gotten so bad as this. I don't want anything to happen to me or anyone that I love, but this Addict has really instilled a fear in me that I know I should not have. (In fact, I couldn't get online tonight because he was trying to get into my computer. I had to reset my password.)

Life is too good to be living this nightmare, and I will do everything I can to stay safe and away from harm, but if anything were to happen to me....just know that I love the people on this board. I never knew there were still so many caring people in the world!!!!

God Bless everyone (I know that you all have your own problems and I pray you will all get through it and find that rainbow waiting for you at the end....)

Many thanks and love,
Marissa (Tiger Eyes)

Josie

Marissa,
Can someone go over and get your pets?
I am so glad you have the restraining order,
even though I am still worried about your
safety. Be careful.
Keep us posted, we all worry around here.
I hope they find him soon, and you will have
some peace. No one should have to live this
way.
I'm praying for you.

Hugs,

margo

Hi Marissa - as someone has pointed out before, us codies sure can come together in a crisis!

I understand your fear regarding your pets - I know it's expensive, but is there a way to maybe board them at a kennel for a while until you get settled? It's insane that you are having to go to such lengths, but better to be safe.

So glad to hear about the restraining order.

Thinking of you!

Stay safe!

Love and hugs.

allwehaveishope

((((((Marissa)))))) Please be careful. I am truely worried about you. I think you should call 911 and inform them he is calling making threats to you and there is a restraining order. I would ask the officer who answers the line if they can meet you at the house so you can pick up your pets and belongings that you fear for your safety. Tell them what he is saying. Whatever you do, please do not go over there by yourself. Get an officer to meet you there. If he is there more then likely if he sees the officer's car outside and at the door with you he will run.

Please be careful and stay safe. My ex was very abusive to me and when we got divorced he threatened me daily. I ended up call the shelter for abused women. The lady met me at walmart. She took me and my children to the "group" house where we stayed until he was delt with. I was so afraid if I moved in with my family he would kill them because he threatened that. You may want to try that. Then he has no idea where you are or hurt you anymore then he has already.

I will pray for you daily. Please keep us posted. I will worry until your safe.

Hugs and Much Love
Kelaine:kisshug:

Dottie

Dottie

Hi i'm real new to this and you sound like me. I'm not married to my addict but we are suppose to be getting married next year. As I talk about him I do call him my husband. I know how you feel. My husband and I have been together for 3 years and he has been using off and on all 3 years. I have tried several different things to get him to clean up but nothing has worked yet but my hopes are there. Let me explain. My husband is not an everyday user he only uses about every 2 weeks to every month. Well last week I went to school (I'm in college trying to get my accounting diploma) just like any other day but when I came home he wasn't there but his cell phone was. The first thing that crossed my mind (like yours probably does) was that he was out using and I was right. He had taken every bit of our money and left me with $3.71 in the bank. I felt just like you do, I kicked him out of the house. Well the next day he came back and apologized but I didn't care i just wanted him gone. After 4 days he showed up at my door again crying and begging for help. He had been living on the streets (He doesn't have family or friends that will let him stay with them) and didn't have anywhere to go. I told him that I can't help anymore until he asked me to take him to the same rehab hospital that I put him in about 1 1/2 months ago. Well I did but still didn't think it would work. Well as he sat in there for 3 days he decided that he wanted long-term recovery. I don't know if this program will help but I told him that I will give him another chance if he completes the whole program. The program is 4 to 8 months long. I hope he can kick this habit but I still have my douts. I feel for you because I have also went through that several times with my husband. One of my bigest problems is that we have 2 children together (11yrs old girl, 2 yrs. old boy) and my oldest has mixed feelings about him. One minute she wants him home and the next minute she doesn't. I feel like this nightmare will never end. I came from a drug free family and have never experienced this before. It is new to me. I am trying my best to help him but I know he has to want to help himself first. I pray that he will never go back out and use because I have lost all my family because of him. My family knows of his problem and told me to leave him or they would leave me. Well I love him and I want to be happy. He makes me happy all the time except when he goes and uses. I gave up my family for him and if this recovery doesn't work out then I will be left alone with nobody to talk to or lean on. I just thought that it might help if i let you know that you weren't alone. Good luck and hope to talk to you again.

Tiger Eyes

Dottie,

First of all, welcome to the Boards. I am still fairly new to the board because I've just been only reading the boards when I first registered. I've only recently been posting because of the terrible situation I've found myself in last month (and it hasn't ended yet) and everyone here is so supportive.

I hope I can one day provide you with the type of support that a "true survivor" can give. I, myself, am struggling to survive right now, literally.

The addict (who was once a man I called my husband) is on the run from the police now. I have to watch my back every day, and everyone is telling me I may have to sell the house I love and move out of state. It's that serious. He may be capable of anything.

Anyway, I will keep in touch with everybody on how things are going. In the meantime, thank you to everyone for "looking out for me".

And Dottie, I care about what you are going through. I know exactly how it is. I pray that your husband will stay on the right course and be one of the success stories out there, I truly hope that for both of you, and for the sake of the children. Nothing is impossible...

Take care,
Marissa

FAITH4US

Are we all married to the same person? My husband is in a treatment center because after being on crack, and hitting the bottom I thought, maybe just coming down hard, from what I read, he took a bottle of pills trying to kill himself I got him to the hospital and in to rehab, he says he wants help this is only a two week program, but he wants to go to another treatment home after he gets out he has agreed to sign up for 8 weeks when he gets out of this 2 week one, I am so confused and I guess I am enabler queen. It feels so good to read this and know I am not alone.

Tiger Eyes

Hi everyone. I haven't been able to get online as often as I used to because, if you remember, the addict husband had broke into the house and stolen my computer.

I truly do miss everyone. Nothing much has changed since last April 11th when Addict left me for crack. The only thing is that he is steadily getting worse, and worse. There is nothing that will stop him now - except either death or incarceraton.

I do not recognize this man at all. He is no longer my husband. You have no idea (well, no...maybe some of you do know) how betrayed and hurt I feel. I feel like this man whom I had been married to for five years lied to me the whole time about loving me, and so on...he makes me feel like I have not been a good wife, a good friend...but what's funny is that I tried hard to be the wife I could be.

My heart feels very hard now, like I will never be able to trust another man again. I know time will heal it, but this has been the LONGEST four weeks of my life. He is still out there somewhere. When he stole our car, and sold it, he managed to get a few thousand dollars out of the sale, and I had not heard from him for a whole week.

Now I think he ran out of money, because he is calling me again - and his calls have been so upsetting that I end up crying myself to sleep.

I hate what he has become, but I do care what happens to him. Why do I feel like I have totally lost control of my emotions and my life? Does anyone have any suggestions?

A tiger seeking for hope....

margo

(((((Marissa))))) It's good to hear from you. As you can see, you've got lots of thoughts and prayers behind you, and my heart really goes out to you. They go MIA - we worry. They start calling - we worry. Sometimes there is just no let-up from the merry-go-round. It's so alien to our sensibilities that sometimes we wish they would get arrested just to get them in a safe place, but when it seems like there's only one other alternative, it sure is the lesser of two evils.

A four-week crack binge is frightening in its implications. I really hope that you are putting own safety first and have protected yourself the best that you can.

I do understand where you are coming from when you say you hate what he has become, but still care what happens to him. Love the addict, hate the disease. Don't put any of this on you - no matter how great of a wife and friend you were, and I don't doubt that for a minute that you were, your husband became an addict and you had no control over that, nor any part in it.

Keep posting and venting, Marissa - we do care about you and your well-being.

Love and hugs.

tiredwife

Hi,

Reading your message sounded just like my whole marriage.
My husband is a crack addict. He does good as long as he doesn't have any money. When he has money-he's gone for days at a time.

I am new to this site and I hope to get some support and possibly some answers. I'm tired of this cycle.

I feel your pain. I hear your cry.

Stay encouraged for yourself.


tiredwife

healing

Hi. I am new to this site but when I read your story, some parts felt like I could have written them myself. I too have a husband who is a crack addict. We have been married for 5 years. My addict stays clean for months at a time and in just one split second, uses again. Just recently this happened again. He was clean for 9 months and last Friday that all ended. It doesn't even surprise me anymore. I suppose that is because I have no expectations when it comes to him. If I don't expect anything, then I can't get disappointed. It hurts. I'd be lying if i said it didn't. For the last 5 years i have been working this program and it works, if you allow it too. I will give you some insight to what I've learned. I reflect on this almost every day of my life, especially at these trying times.

I have choices beyond mere survival

I have the right to say NO

I don not have to motivated by fear

I do not have to be perfect

I do not have to smile when I feel like crying

I have the right to make mistakes

I have the right to change and grow

It's ok for me to be playful and relaxed

I can feel angry with someone that I love

I do not have to feel guilty

I can take care of myself and ask for help when I need it

I do not have to be all things to all people
I have the right to feel all my feelings

I have the right not to be abused

I have the right to end conversations with people who do not treat me with respect, where I feel diminished and uncomfortable.

My hope is that in time you too will find comfort in all that I have learned.