mrswoogie

...My hubby and I went to our marriage counselling appointment, and at one point were talking about roles within the marriage. I gave my standard answer that I love being a housewife and doing all the things that go along with it, when she asked me a question (I've since forgotten what it was) that brought me to a halt to think. I started thinking then broke down completely. I mean, wave after wave after wave of guilt, shame, lonliness, hopelessness -- I was completely overwhelmed. She was awesome, saying things like, "Hey kiddo, you've got to learn to put yourself first sometimes," and "When was the last time you really did something selfish?" My answer -- so long I can't remember. I've spent the past 5 or so years putting myself at the bottom of every list, making sure everyone else is taken care of with the utmost care. I stuff my wants and needs down, then stomp on them and any feelings that go along.

I cried nonstop for about 15 minutes. When I got myself together, she got me a referral to a massage therapist, with orders to go see the massuse on a weekly basis to both pamper myself and get an acupressure/healing massage. She also got me hooked up with a clinical social worker to get into more of an individual therapy situation, along with my psychiatrist. Our marriage counsellor wants us to hold off for a bit, as she believes the tools she can teach us are not going to be effective while I'm still so destroyed emotionally.

I don't know exactly where all this pain is coming from -- it seems like it all usually goes back to a traumatic childhood, but I had a great home life and am still close (but not overly enmeshed) to my parents.

I just needed to share this, as my poor husband was helplessly sitting there watching me fall apart. I used to be such a strong, interesting and fun person. Now I'm like a crumpled up and damaged version of that girl. I can't imagine how hard this is going to be, but I hope (hope!) I can get back to who I used to be.

Thanks for the opportunity!

meli2005

The marriage counselor sounds like a really sharp lady. Sounds like she has some great ideas on how to take care of you. I agree, you need to be in better shape before you can take care of the marriage issues. Ihope it all works out for you. Keep us up to date.