Social Anxiety
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Social Anxiety
I just realized it tonight.
I believe I have social anxiety.
I've always been on the shy side. And I don't like big crowds. But tonight it came to me so clearly.
We had a dinner for my Rabbi tonight. She got engaged, and this was a time for the Temple to meet her fiance and have an engagement party. (He's wonderful; she's so happy!
)
Anyway, during the dinner, I sat with a small group of people. We always meet on Saturdays for services, and attend Torah study afterwards. I've gotten to know them and feel comfortable. Then we went to services; again, normal situation.
But, afterwards, at the oneg/reception I felt surrounded and alone. I recognize the feeling as the same I felt in my last Temple, during the oneg. Alone in a crowd. And panic rising as I searched for people to talk with. And I did talk with people. Those with whom I used to be in the chorus with for example. They came up and chatted with me.
But, I quit the chorus for the same reason. Fear. Anxiety. I can sing and that's not the problem. It's interacting with people. I don't know how. I can put on a show for a few minutes, then, I'm at a loss. Feel akward; don't know what to say; feel totally out of place and less than.
As a teacher, I interact with others all the time. It's a role. Same with singing. But, as myself, I just don't know how.
And my throat siezes up. I'm still feeling like I'm being choked and I've been home for an hour. I left early; the place was still packed, the oneg still lively. I had to leave. And I almost cried on the way home. Cuz for some reason, tonight, I recognized it. I'm really dealing with a social anxiety.
And it's really funny, cuz most people would never believe it.
Thanks for listening...
Shalom!
I believe I have social anxiety.
I've always been on the shy side. And I don't like big crowds. But tonight it came to me so clearly.
We had a dinner for my Rabbi tonight. She got engaged, and this was a time for the Temple to meet her fiance and have an engagement party. (He's wonderful; she's so happy!
)Anyway, during the dinner, I sat with a small group of people. We always meet on Saturdays for services, and attend Torah study afterwards. I've gotten to know them and feel comfortable. Then we went to services; again, normal situation.
But, afterwards, at the oneg/reception I felt surrounded and alone. I recognize the feeling as the same I felt in my last Temple, during the oneg. Alone in a crowd. And panic rising as I searched for people to talk with. And I did talk with people. Those with whom I used to be in the chorus with for example. They came up and chatted with me.
But, I quit the chorus for the same reason. Fear. Anxiety. I can sing and that's not the problem. It's interacting with people. I don't know how. I can put on a show for a few minutes, then, I'm at a loss. Feel akward; don't know what to say; feel totally out of place and less than.
As a teacher, I interact with others all the time. It's a role. Same with singing. But, as myself, I just don't know how.
And my throat siezes up. I'm still feeling like I'm being choked and I've been home for an hour. I left early; the place was still packed, the oneg still lively. I had to leave. And I almost cried on the way home. Cuz for some reason, tonight, I recognized it. I'm really dealing with a social anxiety.
And it's really funny, cuz most people would never believe it.
Thanks for listening...
Shalom!
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Oh, man, and I just realized something else too....
I quit smoking almost 5 months ago.
I used cigarettes to get away from people all the time.
Get uncomfortable? Go for a cig. Perfect excuse.
And I'd often have a drink or two before meeting with others for something. Or before going to a party, or an occassion. (Not now, but, before.) I couldn't do it on my own.
Do others relate to this?
What'd you do, if so?
Shalom!
I quit smoking almost 5 months ago.
I used cigarettes to get away from people all the time.
Get uncomfortable? Go for a cig. Perfect excuse.
And I'd often have a drink or two before meeting with others for something. Or before going to a party, or an occassion. (Not now, but, before.) I couldn't do it on my own.
Do others relate to this?
What'd you do, if so?
Shalom!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I can relate. When I quit smoking it gets a lot worse. It almost turns into a constant feeling of shame.
I haven't figured out what to do about it. I've tried watching other people talk to see what they come up with to talk about. That hasn't helped, lol.
I haven't figured out what to do about it. I've tried watching other people talk to see what they come up with to talk about. That hasn't helped, lol.
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Its Part Of The Mental Quirk We Have
Originally Posted by historyteach
Fear. Anxiety.It's interacting with people. I don't know how. I can put on a show for a few minutes, then, I'm at a loss. Feel akward; don't know what to say; feel totally out of place and less than.
I know we are all created equal in a Higher Powers eye, but for some reason we become OBSESSED with wanting to secretly know if our peers consider us as equals!!!
Weird isnt it? Thats why I like the meetings I go to because people understand these mental quirks, that for all intensive purposes, are probably pretty normal feelings and yet people like us really zone in on them and amplify their power.
I have been to committee meetings for Cub Scouts, baseball, rec commission, etc. and every time, EVERYTIME I went to one of those meetings I am convinced that I did not exist and no one really cared at all about my ideas.
I swear it was like I wasnt even there. So yeah than there is the low self esteem, the panicky feeling, the questioning of oneself and then it is OFF TO THE RACES UP BETWEEN THE EARS!!
I dont think there is an answer to be honest with you.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Oh Teach, what ever made you think anyone is ever doing other than "playing a role"... even at a reception. Hell, ESPECIALLY at a public event. I don't think I have social anxiety, but before I ever drank I might have.
For me, all it takes to feel comfortable in a crowd is to just put on the "public person persona"... and there I go. Laughing, joking, smiling, having fun. But oh Lord help me if I find myself alone or surrounded by folks who intimidate me (read: beautiful people or folks with money or those who are educated or anyone petite or anyone shorter than me....). Those feelings of "less than" can really come to the surface.
Alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself. It allowed me to be outgoing and popular and part of the "in crowd" for the first time in my life.
It was when I gave up drinking that I conciously began a plan of allowing myself to be stupid and then forgiving myself for being stupid. "Stupid" seems to be the catch-all phrase that was used in my family of origin to describe unacceptable behavior... so anytime I feel less than, I am most worried about being stupid.
At first, I only did the "allowing myself to be stupid" when I went to bars... I wouldn't drink, but I would just let go and laugh hard... and not worry about it. I figured my behavior might be stupid, but never as stupid as when I drank. And besides, those folks were "drunks", so who cared what they thought of me (that was 25 years ago, btw).
That process of learning how to get for myself what I had gotten from alcohol helped me to create that public persona... the friendly, outgoing person that everyone tells me they think I am. In fact, the more I wear it, the more I accept that perhaps that IS the real me... And not the shy, too-big, too-tall, too-stupid person that still peeks out on occassion.
It is a role, though and I am not like that at home or as much like that one on one.
Crowds are tough... probably for everyone. I just presume 90% of everyone there is faking it.
For me, all it takes to feel comfortable in a crowd is to just put on the "public person persona"... and there I go. Laughing, joking, smiling, having fun. But oh Lord help me if I find myself alone or surrounded by folks who intimidate me (read: beautiful people or folks with money or those who are educated or anyone petite or anyone shorter than me....). Those feelings of "less than" can really come to the surface.
Alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself. It allowed me to be outgoing and popular and part of the "in crowd" for the first time in my life.
It was when I gave up drinking that I conciously began a plan of allowing myself to be stupid and then forgiving myself for being stupid. "Stupid" seems to be the catch-all phrase that was used in my family of origin to describe unacceptable behavior... so anytime I feel less than, I am most worried about being stupid.
At first, I only did the "allowing myself to be stupid" when I went to bars... I wouldn't drink, but I would just let go and laugh hard... and not worry about it. I figured my behavior might be stupid, but never as stupid as when I drank. And besides, those folks were "drunks", so who cared what they thought of me (that was 25 years ago, btw).
That process of learning how to get for myself what I had gotten from alcohol helped me to create that public persona... the friendly, outgoing person that everyone tells me they think I am. In fact, the more I wear it, the more I accept that perhaps that IS the real me... And not the shy, too-big, too-tall, too-stupid person that still peeks out on occassion.
It is a role, though and I am not like that at home or as much like that one on one.
Crowds are tough... probably for everyone. I just presume 90% of everyone there is faking it.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I think when panic and anxiety really stops you from living your life that medication helps a lot. It gives the break you need to develop new coping skills. It's very difficult to develop coping skills when you are in the middle of panic.
If the anxiety is not so severe that it stops you from living life then developing skills is possible without medication.
Self talk is my best friend. The relaxation techniques don't work very well for me. My nervous system is shot. I would still take anti-depressants for that if I could tolerate them, but I can't.
Recovery from anxiety has a lot to do with changing the way we look at things. It's hard to change our own minds. A lot of it is genetic too. It runs in families.
If the anxiety is not so severe that it stops you from living life then developing skills is possible without medication.
Self talk is my best friend. The relaxation techniques don't work very well for me. My nervous system is shot. I would still take anti-depressants for that if I could tolerate them, but I can't.
Recovery from anxiety has a lot to do with changing the way we look at things. It's hard to change our own minds. A lot of it is genetic too. It runs in families.
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Another Thought
Came to me in the middle of last night.
When I am in a group of people and for some reason everyone stops talking, it is eerily quiet, it is then I am convinced everyone is thinking about me or looking at me because I am weird. I believe it is called being self concious.
But that extended silence that sometime happens at a group meeting for some reason is unbearable to me.
Anyone else have that same experience?
When I am in a group of people and for some reason everyone stops talking, it is eerily quiet, it is then I am convinced everyone is thinking about me or looking at me because I am weird. I believe it is called being self concious.
But that extended silence that sometime happens at a group meeting for some reason is unbearable to me.
Anyone else have that same experience?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I can totally relate. I get really uncomfortable in large groups. Always have. Well, maybe not always. When I was a kid I was the butt of all my peers jokes, picking on, etc. and I think / believe that this caused me to be very self conscious and to develop low self esteem. Despite a tremendous amount of accomplishments, I still fall into this.
The worst for me is when I am in a group with the opposite sex and I find them attractive. I get into panic mode. I do one of two things, get very quiet or over compensate by becoming overly gregarious (which I normally regret).
Long and short of it is that when I am in my role as a lawyer or weight lifter, I am fine. Take me outside of that and I have a difficult time knowing "who" I am and that likely is the problem.
I appreciated your post Teach! Levi
The worst for me is when I am in a group with the opposite sex and I find them attractive. I get into panic mode. I do one of two things, get very quiet or over compensate by becoming overly gregarious (which I normally regret).
Long and short of it is that when I am in my role as a lawyer or weight lifter, I am fine. Take me outside of that and I have a difficult time knowing "who" I am and that likely is the problem.
I appreciated your post Teach! Levi
Unplugged
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 13
I'm struggling with this hard.
When I was using, I was the center of attention. I was funny, sociable, attractive, 'da bomb.' But today, I'm self-conscious, embarrassed, ashamed. If I could just take a blanket with me wherever I go so I can hide, I'd be fine. Instead, it takes me 2-3 hours to prep myself emotionally, mentally and physically to simply run up to the gas station for cigarettes. I don't get my mail for days, sometimes weeks at a time. I can't even work right now because I'm so comfortable in my isolation. If I need to go to the grocery store, I usually go late at night when it's dead.
Obviously I don't have any killer advice. I take xanax as needed to help me deal. But the goal is to not need it. Am I working on that goal? I don't think so. I carry the xanax with me wherever I go. And it doesn't always do the trick.
Here we are approaching summer, and I won't leave the house without a hoodie 3x's too big so I can feel hidden. Egh. I hope to get some good advice / words of wisdom cuz this bites.
When I was using, I was the center of attention. I was funny, sociable, attractive, 'da bomb.' But today, I'm self-conscious, embarrassed, ashamed. If I could just take a blanket with me wherever I go so I can hide, I'd be fine. Instead, it takes me 2-3 hours to prep myself emotionally, mentally and physically to simply run up to the gas station for cigarettes. I don't get my mail for days, sometimes weeks at a time. I can't even work right now because I'm so comfortable in my isolation. If I need to go to the grocery store, I usually go late at night when it's dead.
Obviously I don't have any killer advice. I take xanax as needed to help me deal. But the goal is to not need it. Am I working on that goal? I don't think so. I carry the xanax with me wherever I go. And it doesn't always do the trick.
Here we are approaching summer, and I won't leave the house without a hoodie 3x's too big so I can feel hidden. Egh. I hope to get some good advice / words of wisdom cuz this bites.
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
I saw my counselor yesterday. I spoke of this and more. Bottom line, she said it's a common reaction to the extreem stress I've been under for a long time. She said it's normal for the stress to morph into anxiety. And the situation with the engagement party, well, there were a bunch of people I didn't know. And all year long I've been subject to strangers, (my student's parents) attacking me, with the administrations support for them, and lack of support for me. In otherwords, fear that it was going to happen there too, at the reception. Unreasonable? Sure. Doesn't change what the mind perceives as danger, though. *sigh*
Anyway, she said I had to be more consistent with the meds I have. Take my sleeping pills regularly, (trazadone - a mild antidepressant); xanax, 1/4 mg, before any meetings or known anxiety producing situations, (I rarely take them, cuz I'm scared of them, lol!); and welbutrin which I do take once a day. All of this is effecting my blood pressure, which has always been low, and I have to be proactive now, or risk more problems.
Many of you said things I can relate to. And I'm very thankful for your responses. I took today off; woke up with a constricted throat, and couldn't deal with it today. But, I'm grateful for your responses. And wish you well...
Shalom!
Anyway, she said I had to be more consistent with the meds I have. Take my sleeping pills regularly, (trazadone - a mild antidepressant); xanax, 1/4 mg, before any meetings or known anxiety producing situations, (I rarely take them, cuz I'm scared of them, lol!); and welbutrin which I do take once a day. All of this is effecting my blood pressure, which has always been low, and I have to be proactive now, or risk more problems.
Many of you said things I can relate to. And I'm very thankful for your responses. I took today off; woke up with a constricted throat, and couldn't deal with it today. But, I'm grateful for your responses. And wish you well...
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: wales
Posts: 13
yo historyteach,
im new here btw and have suffered from social anxiety al my life, ive come here becasue i use alcohol as an avoidence. if you wanna know anything about it just ask and if u wanna know a really good site visit social anxiety uk. dont know the www. but type that in ur search should find it easy. thx.
im new here btw and have suffered from social anxiety al my life, ive come here becasue i use alcohol as an avoidence. if you wanna know anything about it just ask and if u wanna know a really good site visit social anxiety uk. dont know the www. but type that in ur search should find it easy. thx.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi there Teach, I just saw this thread.
I have suffered from " social anxiety" since i was a child, ( I can see it now I am sober), and of course, the active drinking " helped", but since i have quit drinking, and started working the steps, and had a good look LOL, I am able to tell myself, "how important am I ?", I am only 1 small person at this gathering, people are not hanging on my every word, only I am LOL And as I work on it longer, I have found , for me, that to take an interest in others, their families, and situations, and to ask after what is happening in THEIR life, always helps me, takes my focus off ME. I make a concious effort to remember details people have shared with me on previous occassions, eg childrens names ect. This is something which has helped me greatly Teach, hope it helps
HUGX
Lee
I have suffered from " social anxiety" since i was a child, ( I can see it now I am sober), and of course, the active drinking " helped", but since i have quit drinking, and started working the steps, and had a good look LOL, I am able to tell myself, "how important am I ?", I am only 1 small person at this gathering, people are not hanging on my every word, only I am LOL And as I work on it longer, I have found , for me, that to take an interest in others, their families, and situations, and to ask after what is happening in THEIR life, always helps me, takes my focus off ME. I make a concious effort to remember details people have shared with me on previous occassions, eg childrens names ect. This is something which has helped me greatly Teach, hope it helps
HUGX
Lee
Live for today!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Altoona, PA
Posts: 3
ball of anxiety
all i do from the moment i open my eyes to shut them is worry about what somebody is thinking and all sorts of weird ****. i have had this since 15 years old...i quit high school my senior year because of it. i woulda quit a lot sooner, but i am well equipt with endurance. but i am getting awfully tired of it and dont really want to live feeling like this for the rest of my life. i mean it stopped me from graduating, holding a job, turned me to drugs, and is going to keep me from recovery and a life or family unless i find the right medicine and coping skills.
ive tryed zoloft, trazadone, zyprexa, paxil, lexapro, and right now im on 225mg of effexor and 100 mg at night of seraquil. i dont think the effexor is working...i know what i really need is a benzo cause im shaky, sweaty, twitchy, sick to my stomach, and fretting LITERALLY all day. some moments are more intense than others but its always there. but i dont think i will get benzos because being chemically addicted to drugs (heroin) im not sure if they will want to try it...plus there is so many "nonaddictive" pills for anxiety now so why resort to xanax. but id use them right and wouldnt care to be addicted because i know i need them anyways. but im not sure what is going to happen, sometimes i feel like just ending it because they wont give me the right medicine.
-jake
ive tryed zoloft, trazadone, zyprexa, paxil, lexapro, and right now im on 225mg of effexor and 100 mg at night of seraquil. i dont think the effexor is working...i know what i really need is a benzo cause im shaky, sweaty, twitchy, sick to my stomach, and fretting LITERALLY all day. some moments are more intense than others but its always there. but i dont think i will get benzos because being chemically addicted to drugs (heroin) im not sure if they will want to try it...plus there is so many "nonaddictive" pills for anxiety now so why resort to xanax. but id use them right and wouldnt care to be addicted because i know i need them anyways. but im not sure what is going to happen, sometimes i feel like just ending it because they wont give me the right medicine.
-jake
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Morristown, NJ
Posts: 22
I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (as well as panic disorder). I've been "shy" all of my life, but two years ago it mushroomed into a full-blown disorder. Unbearably uncomfortable in social settings of all kinds. Its the pits, but I'm working on it. I'd just like to know when things start to get easier. Ugh.
Anyway, for those with SAD, a good self-help book I found is "Dying of Embarassment." It seems to hit the nail on the head and has some good step therapy to use.
Anyway, for those with SAD, a good self-help book I found is "Dying of Embarassment." It seems to hit the nail on the head and has some good step therapy to use.
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Thanks to all of you for your throughtful replies.
I was on the welbutrin/zyban and got off it about a month or so ago. For the most part, I'm feeling very well now. I had a rough night last night, but, I'm dealing with some other shyte now, so that's why, I'm sure. I took a 1/4 mg xanax, (prescribed as needed), and finally went back to sleep. Just woke up!
So, I do believe the welbutrin/zyban was at least *part* of the culprit. But, it's a condition I'll have to work on, like MG said.
Thanks everyone for your contributions to my understanding here. Everything helps! Especially MG's post on HSP. Please take a moment to read that one everyone. It's filled with important information for us.
Shalom!
I was on the welbutrin/zyban and got off it about a month or so ago. For the most part, I'm feeling very well now. I had a rough night last night, but, I'm dealing with some other shyte now, so that's why, I'm sure. I took a 1/4 mg xanax, (prescribed as needed), and finally went back to sleep. Just woke up!
So, I do believe the welbutrin/zyban was at least *part* of the culprit. But, it's a condition I'll have to work on, like MG said.
Thanks everyone for your contributions to my understanding here. Everything helps! Especially MG's post on HSP. Please take a moment to read that one everyone. It's filled with important information for us.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Yhtac,
Wow! Thank you for your post. You named things I do and helped me understand what I was doing better. I, too, wear clothes too big and loose and much prefer to go out at night...yes, wanting to be invisible.
I am having a very hard time going back to work after being comfortable (more or less) on a month long medical leave. I have been de-toxing off xanax. Beware of long term use. It was destroying me.
thanks to each and every one!
Wow! Thank you for your post. You named things I do and helped me understand what I was doing better. I, too, wear clothes too big and loose and much prefer to go out at night...yes, wanting to be invisible.
I am having a very hard time going back to work after being comfortable (more or less) on a month long medical leave. I have been de-toxing off xanax. Beware of long term use. It was destroying me.
thanks to each and every one!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Morristown, NJ
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by historyteach
Thanks to all of you for your throughtful replies.
I was on the welbutrin/zyban and got off it about a month or so ago. For the most part, I'm feeling very well now. I had a rough night last night, but, I'm dealing with some other shyte now, so that's why, I'm sure. I took a 1/4 mg xanax, (prescribed as needed), and finally went back to sleep. Just woke up!
So, I do believe the welbutrin/zyban was at least *part* of the culprit. But, it's a condition I'll have to work on, like MG said.
Thanks everyone for your contributions to my understanding here. Everything helps! Especially MG's post on HSP. Please take a moment to read that one everyone. It's filled with important information for us.
Shalom!
I was on the welbutrin/zyban and got off it about a month or so ago. For the most part, I'm feeling very well now. I had a rough night last night, but, I'm dealing with some other shyte now, so that's why, I'm sure. I took a 1/4 mg xanax, (prescribed as needed), and finally went back to sleep. Just woke up!
So, I do believe the welbutrin/zyban was at least *part* of the culprit. But, it's a condition I'll have to work on, like MG said.
Thanks everyone for your contributions to my understanding here. Everything helps! Especially MG's post on HSP. Please take a moment to read that one everyone. It's filled with important information for us.
Shalom!
I was put on Wellbutrin for depression and smoking cessation (I follow the smoking cessation board for inspiration, but haven't been able to kick the addiction yet....but I'm working on it), and it was great for depression. I was motivated and energized and felt great....only problem is that I was crawling out of my skin with anxiety. I gave it a full 6 weeks at 150mgs. but couldn't take it any longer and had to bail. Wellbutrin is a very good drug, but I don't think it is a wise choice for us anxiety-ridden types.
Just to add - one of the great ironies I've discovered with social anxiety disorder is how other people interpret your apprehension. I've found that most people find me to be "aloof" or "arrogant." In other words, my avoidance is percieved as I think I am better than others.....while all the while I avoid social activities because of the extreme anxiety and fear of disapproval. I get a kick out of the irony of the situation. Of course I could solve it by explaining my situation, but those with social anxiety don't need to add fuel to the fire and have people think that I have a "mental problem." It's a vicious cycle.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 201
Originally Posted by historyteach
MG or anyone else dealing with social anxiety...
What, if anything, do you take for it?
What, if anything, do you do about it to try and aliviate the anxiety?
Shalom!
What, if anything, do you take for it?
What, if anything, do you do about it to try and aliviate the anxiety?
Shalom!
Most antidepressants are SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). Tianeptine is a SSRE (enhancer). So it works in opposite of normal anti-d's.
The reason I went with Tianeptine is that it has strong ability to repair damage caused by stress to hippocampus and other critical areas of the brain. So it's not just a cover up, and it has no side effects that I notice.
So this is a pretty good one, although I just started taking it, and I have had SA for probably my entire life to some degree =]
More recently I have been doing lots of meditation, sound therapy, I would try acupuncture if it was more cheaper :/
but, i can understand how just playing a role llike a teacher sometiems doesn't really deal with the problem, even if you are interacting with people each day. I think its good to just try to relax and 'be you,' which I konw is hard. Try not to put on a mask like a fake smile or disguise your problem. The people around you will be able to help you if you ask for it. COvering up and hiding/pretending only makes thigns worse.
OH, and btw i had full on panic attacks and severe anxiety, I was on drugs/alcohol/cigs from aobut 16-21, then when i quit you can imagine i was in an even worse state which i started, and i could hardly do anything i felt like a infant. today i am only a little better
thats why i spend all my time on internet forums and other avoidant activites =]
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