paramedic9742

I thought i had it made i went cold turkey i stayed clen for 4 days i went through the withdrawls and yesterday i took a hydrocodone. My husband was mad at me telling me how he was sick of everything tired of taking care of things so i took the pill just so i could get out of bed cook and clean and do what he wanted. He does not work he gets va disablity i work as a paramedic while he takes care of the kids. while i was going through the 4 days of hell he was treating me like hell but i was doing it on my own and i ws proud of myself. I have been taking hydrocode 2 yrs about 8 a day 10/650. My 2 yr old son was murdered and my husband drowned when i was 8 mos pregnant 8 yrs ago and ever since then i been running from it moving from state to state. I tried being a alcoholic but i couldent do it so i took some hydro and that seemed to make me num and i kept going from there. I have goals i enrolled back into college i am supposed to go back in june to be a csi. I want to be able to live my life again but the pain overwhelms me i greive myself to death and i have no support from anyone. I suffer from ptsd as well. I was hoping i would stay clean those 4 days was hell but at least i am not taking the 8 again. Who knows maybe i wont take another. I need to find a way to deal with this pain in my heart.

terryb72

My heart goes out to you. I cant quit taking percocets, it hurts so bad and the withdrawls are unbearable. I was recently diagnosed with Hiv. I have lost two brothers and both of my parents are dead. The percocets numb all the pain. I wish I had an answer for you, but I can't quit either. I can tell you that you are not alone.. I hope you get through this. I hope i do!! I will pray for for us.

klouise

I too am addicted to hydro...I know what you mean about the grief. There has been many things that have happen in my life too. I want to just hide away fron it all...Right now I am not ready to share about it with others.
I haven't even shared them with my addictions support group I attend.
My husband can be abusive. He starts up and I even want to hide even more.
Perhaps in time i will get over the past. Anyway, I just want you to know that you are not alone.

Phinneas

((((paramedic9742, By His Blood, terryb72, klouise))))

No, you are NOT alone.

I have 15 months clean and sober and a whole new life after a terrible opiate addiction (I was taking 20-30 Vics a day), so I am here to tell you that there is a way out, there is a solution and we DO recover.

I could not do it alone. I found the rooms of AA and NA and became willing to go to ANY lengths to get and STAY clean. I did not use NO MATTER WHAT. I went through miserable withdrawals cold turkey. I couldn't get out of bed for a month. But I hung on one minute, one hour, one day at a time and it did get better physically and mentally. I had to learn a new way of life, though, or I knew I would go back. That's why I got a sponsor and worked the 12 steps.

What are you willing to do to get and STAY clean?

Beachbabe

Phinny:

It means SO much for us struggling to hear how great you feel once the w/d is over and the rose-colored glasses are off.We cant see past either our sickness or our disease, depending where we are.

Im sick and in the 6th day od wd, yesterday was really bad but you know what... today isnt. I have a headache.. ohhhh poooor me. Not complaining! I could have died yesterday and not cared.

Thank you for staying here even after your work is well under-way.