GwenMarie30

Oh God, please help me through this. I'vebeen doing so good. I dont want to get high. I dont want to get high. I dont want to get high. My heart tells me I dont want to get high but my brain wont shut down the fact that I do. Let me explain a little. I come from a family who cooks meth- those who arent in prison for it. My car broke down and that is my only means of getting back and forth to rehab, meetings, and taking care of responsibilities. My uncle calls me this morning and is on his way out here to try and fix it. I was so close to him that I've always considered him the next best thing to dad- also an occational user. My uncle is higher than a kite so much to the point I can even hear it in his voice on the phone. He is so kindhearted. If I asked him not to bring it around, he wouldntbut I know all I have to do is ask and I could have it. When Im home with my boyfriend and kids, I have absolutly no desire to have it or to get high, but left to my own device long enough, I dont feel the willpower is so strong. I've lost the privlidge of seeing my kids unless supervised and very closely monitored, & almost lost my boyfriend and kids. How can I be so selfish as to have these thoughts of getting high when I've been given this life saving chance to have my boyfriend and kids back? Ive only got two months clean and am in outpatient rehab. I havent had the oportunity to to find a sponsor or NA meeting yet-goals for me by the end of January. My uncle only wants to help fix my car because I need it badly. I dont have the money to put it in the shop and I dont have anyone else to ask that can fix it. But he is a trigger for me. The only thing I can do is pray and hope God hears me. I will post a little later this afternoon to let all know how i faired this storm. Thanks for listening.

Etimee

Gwen, hang in there. Keep your chin up. God hears you, you know that. Be strong. I'm out here thinking of you. I am saying a prayer for you too.

These are the tests, the most difficult times. You know you could get through this, you could get through the next thing that happens and you did it and will do it for yourself!

C'mon chickie, you can do it.

Etimee

A minute has passed and I am saying another prayer!

Cindi R

This too shall pass...whether or not you actually use or you don't....
I know about the triggers...
Meth was my DOC...
Even now seeing someone "spun" can take me back...and it's been a few 24 hours but mostly I just look at them and think..."did I really used to look like that and *think* that I looked ok?"

Luckyv2

I am only logged on here to tell you I am here please don't use it won't help Gwen. Please think it through. I won't be back here for reason that I need not explain here OK..But I did accept you on my messenger and I have emailed you. Please reach out if you need me like I said in my email to you, I will drive up there and be with you today if you need support. I am sending all the good thoughts and prayers your way. Using won't help Gwen, trust me it won't.

Love Vic
__________________

REZ

Like I said in an earlier post--find a way to get to an NA meeting sooner than the end of January and go every day that you can.

GwenMarie30

Hi. I made it. Not only thru the day with out using but I made it to a NA meeting! My world is good again.

Luckyv2

Did You Talk?

GwenMarie30

I most certainly did. I told them that it was my goal to be part of a NA Group, but I also told them that I was having a trying day and that I would be grateful for support. I got lots of it and then some.

Luckyv2

That is what I said at my meeting tonight and the guys just came over and held on to me after the meeting. I am so glad that I reached out. Thank YOU>

Love Vic

REZ

Glad you made it to a meeting. I can't. We can. Keep coming back--things will get better.