Erinlt420

Hi all I have been sober 70 days today!!!and have decided to work the steps, I also decided to post them as I finish them, I used a outline with questions that I got online, so here we go, aslo feedback is always welcome

STEP ONE: "we admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our life has become unmanageable"

we admitted :to me that mean I finnally acknowledged that I have a problem

that we were powerless : to me powerless means that i let my addiction control my life

has become unmanageable : to me unmanageable means that I no longer can control my life and addiction

The princiable of step one is finnally acknowlegding and addmitting that I can no longer live with my addiction, addicts have a hard time addmitting things so this is a big step for most adiicts.
.................................................. .................................................. ....
DEFINITIONS:

control : to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over

surrender: to relinquish possession or control of another because of demand or compulsion; to give up or abandon; to give over or resign.

.................................................. .................................................. ....

The disease of addiction is not being able to let go of your addiction and you are always at risk of relapsing, like catching your disease again.

Being clean is not enough because you need the resources and cousiling so you wont go back to doing what you were doing in the past, you need to go to meetings and know where your resources are when they are needed. you need to work hard at being clean anyone can be clean but it takes hard work to stay clean.

My life was very unmanageable in my addiction. I did things i would not do other wise and didnt do things i would normally do such as committ crimes, sometimes violent ones, decieve poeple, my personall hygene wasnt always that good, which def. wasnt like me I was always considered high maintence, but things change when you get sober!!

My life lis not unmanageable in my recovery, if anything it is manaeable, i have control over myself now and it feels good.

I apply the first step in my everyday life, by openly addmitting that I had a problem that I couldnt control.

I am willing to apply the steps to my everyday life, I havent found a spiritual awakening yet, as a result of this step, or if I have I havent relized it yet but I am sure that I will soon as i progress in my recovery

well this is my first step, I will post my 2nd as soon as I think I am done with it, feedback is always welcome, thanks for taking the time to read, and If I can be if any help to anyone let me know, I am also working on an autobiography, that has to do with my addiction, and i will also post that when I am finished, my drug counsiler has suggested all these projects to me and I am enjoying working on the and sharing them.

Luckyv2

((((((((((Erin)))))))))))))

That was really good thanks for sharing your recovery with us here at SR and yes our lives are not near as unmanageable as they were. I always look at it like it could be a lot worse than what it is at this moment. We have a disease of addiction, that is when we compulsive or obsessive over anything doesn't have to be just drugs. LOL I have my addiction in full force today but it all goes into the Program of NA..

Love Vic

Erinlt420

Thanks vic, that is so true life could be alot worse then it is now, but it is not, and I have my recovery to thank for that one, to tell you the truth my life right now is the best that it has been in years!!! have a merry christmas

Sugah

Erin, dear, are you going to meetings and do you have a sponsor?

The word that you skipped over in your exploration of the step is "WE." When we come together and work towards recovery, we have each other for guidance along the way.

I've talked to a lot of people who have attempted to work the steps alone and failed, even in a treatment situation with a trained counselor. If your counselor is in recovery and is sponsoring you, it might work out differently for you. Do you have the counselor's home phone number and are you able to call day or night? We have found we need each other...not just Wednesday afternoons at 3pm. If you're trying to work a program alone, I urge you to reconsider. We can develop a false sense of self-confidence when our program is ours alone and not shared with others because we're very good at manipulating not only others but ourselves. I'm a very good rationalizer...and I need others to point out when my reason is flawed.

You also mentioned not having a spiritual awakening yet as a result of this step. Going back to the roots of the program, to the AA steps, the 12th step reads:

The way that I have come to understand spiritual awakening is that it is a process whereby our thoughts and feelings change. This "psychic change" is what we work for in recovery -- and crisis management of the compulsion to use is rarely necessary. We act differently, we think differently, and we feel differently than the person we were who used. That doesn't mean that we're immune to relapse at this point. Our recovery depends upon the daily maintenance of our spiritual condition. "Spiritual experiences" -- those epiphanies that we can have in the process of recovery -- are not unheard of, but for most, change, a true spiritual awakening, is a process, one we must commit to follow through on and continue to use.

I've read a lot on different boards about the low success rate of 12 step programs. From my own personal experience (this may not be true in other areas), I've seen a lot more relapse in NA than in AA -- if only for this reason: how many addicts do you know who are so used to instant gratification who will come to a point where they will commit themselves to something that will not produce instant results? Drunks don't fare all that much better. Those who see the process through, who have patience and acceptance while they faithfully take the steps with a sponsor, stand a much better chance. That's why I scoff at statistics. They're counting everyone who comes through the doors, not those who truly accept and work a program.

Keep posting your progress, Erin... and, to thine own self be true. If you're working with a sponsor, great, but if you're not, please... understand you may not be able to see your own stumbling blocks if you're viewing them through the filter of self.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

daydream

Dear Erin,
I read your step one yesterday, but didn't respond because I figured someone would attack me for scrutinizing your step one. I don't wish to hurt your feelings, but to be frank, I think you've barely scratched the surface. Reading it literally gave me a chill, because I know where that half-understanding lead me. When I was new, the step seemed so simple. And it IS a simple step. However, through meetings, sponsorship, input from others and my willingness to dig deep, my understanding of what that step means has multiplied over and over. I also learned that applying the step in my life means FAR more than what you mentioned. It's true that our understanding of steps changes over time, so I'm not suggesting you have to have MY understanding of step one. What I do suggest is that you do everything possible to take the first step as thoroughly as possible. Your life depends on it. Meetings, sponsorship, NA literature and the NA step-working guide are the best resources I know of. I don't know if you're attending face-to-face meetings or if you have a face-to-face sponsor, but if not, I hope you do. For awhile, I was one of those who tried online meetings and online sponsorship. I argued with people who tried to tell me that I needed the face-2-face meetings and sponsorship. I said I was doing fine doing it my way, but that was a lie. Even though I managed to stay clean for a few months that way, I was just barely staying afloat until I got WILLING to follow their suggestions. I hear lots of people make excuses (too busy, too tired, transportation problems,etc), but the people who really want recovery badly enough will find a way to get there. I know people who show up in wheelchairs and with oxygen tanks because they are willing to go to any length for their recovery. If you aren't using f2f meetings and f2f sponsorship, you're really missing out on the best stuff. I don't know about you, but I wanted the best dope and was willing to go to any length to get it. I go after my recovery the same way.
P.S. Please reconsider about putting your stepwork online. That gave me chills too, because I know first-hand how dangerous that is.

Gooch

I was going to counterpoint with my related experience of the relapse rate in each program..... but I see you allready did




I agree heartily!


and they fail to recount those who come back and grasp that understanding on a return trip.

What she said Erin... one of the reasons it took many of us so long to "get it" was that we depemded on our own confused thinking to establish our idea of "getting it"..

godsonmyside

I see this sheet you filled out as being a Rehab source and its a good start. The problem isn't the drugs, its not the addiction, we have a disease. We have denial, reservations, and untill we look at all aspects of our disease we are in trouble. We are powerless and our lives had become unmanageable. Just because the drugs are gone we don't become mangeable. Looking at all manifestations of our disease is important. Step one is a very important step. My suggestion would be to go to meetings, get a sponsor, and get the literature and a Step working guide and work the steps with a sponsor, The "We" that was mentioned earlier.

I don't know much about the statistics about relapse, I will tell you that if you have a reservation, you are doomed!! If you don't accept this disease, recovery will be very difficult! If you are not honest with yourself, nobody else will know the truth either!! Surrender is the key for this process to take hold, and there is no substitution for surrender.

Peace,
Todd J.

REZ

Thanks for sharing your 1st step. It is a good beginning that you can work on through sponsorship, meetings, etc. I have reworked the first step many times in recovery, each time learning a little more, uncovering a little more. Keep coming back!

iou1na

... and try not to take some of our, umm, "critiquing" too seriously. As long as you are willing, you've got the rest of your life to do these Steps right.
And again And again. And again.
And again with a sponsee of your own. And again in a Step Group. And again with your sponsor. And one more time, every single day of your life.
Bravo!

Old fart

In the pit of my sole I knew that I was an addict.When we admit our powerlessness and the inability to manage our lives,we open the door to recovery.(Basic Text )This step us the foundation of our program don't short your self on it .I read what you posted and the only thing I will say is that you and you only know if it will get you to the point of surrender.The basic text also tells us that we are our eyes and ears.So thank god theese people tuke the time to tell you that they love.Her is my ponder for the day. Has anyone ever seen someone in a meeting taken a poll? Then one has to wonder how or how or for what perpose they are composed.For sure never helped me in my recovery.

Time2Surrender

Congradulations on 70 days.

Erinlt420

thank you for your response, but the reason why I refered to what it means to "me" is because the workbook I am using the outline said the define what it meant to "me" not "we"

PLEASE REMEBER EVRYONE I AM USING AN ALREADY MADE OUTLINE TO DO MY STEPS, AS I AM SO NEW TO THE NA PROGRAM, AND I HAVE LIMITED RESOURCES IN MY AREA,

but i greatly appreciatre the feedback

Erinlt420

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ME PUTTING MY WORK AND MY THOUGHTS ONLINE GAVE "YOU CHILLS" REMEBER THIS IS ABOUT ME NOT YOU, and i do chase my recovery the way i chased my doped, I guess what I am trying to say is that you are jumping to conclusions, you dont know what I am doing in my recovery, all you have to do is ask, instead of trying to put me down, I could be going to f2f meeting evry night, you just dont know, next please ask me before you say certain things, please dont make his about you when it is about me "my thoughts", please excuse me if I sound rude, I am just offended

Erinlt420

Thank you everyone for your remarks, most of them were greatly appreciated and I will take them into consideration fo my next step or like someone said I will be able to to do this step and all my steps over and over again, I am going to keep posting the rest of them as I finish, them. I just recieved my NA book today, and plan to do alot of reading over the next few days, so I will keep you posted

daydream

Did anyone here see me jump to conclusions, or make Erin's post about me, or try to put her down? Musta done it in a blackout. lol

Erinlt420

you did jump to conclusions, trying to say what i do for my recovery, when u just dont know what I do, please post your negativty some where else

Gooch

Ok .. once again...


Online communication has it's limitations. We can't see each others expressions, and sometimes it can be difficult without hearing the intonation of a persons voice to tell whether they are being sincere or sarcastic.

As well as other factors in our lives can contribute to our level of sensitivity toward criticism even when that criticism may be intended to be constructive.

I don't believe that you were being attacked Erin. You don't need to defend yourself or take offense.

And Daydream, neither do you. Nor do you need to call for reinfocrcements or others to validate your opinions.


Remember we can disagree without being disagreeable and in Narcotics Anonymous we are encouraged to share our experience, strength, and hope in an environment of support and encouragement without fear of reprisal.

Above all we are repeatedly told to take what we need and leave the rest.

I would encourage you both to read the guidlines for posting ..

polices, rules, and regs. ...

if you haven't allready.

and if you still feel the need to respectfully sort things out at a personal level, please take it to private messages.

Luckyv2

Looks as if I should have been thrown out of here by now Thanks Gooch.

Love Vic

cj.

Big NA ((((HUGS)))) Erin!

Congratulations on your 70+ clean days.

I think as long as you are doing something to keep your mind focused on recovery, you have the same chance of staying clean and living a better life as much as the rest of us do. It's when we stop reading and sharing and working that we tend to lose some of that desire, but most of all, whether we use or not, we stop learning and growing, and miss out on all the program of Narcotics Anonymous has to offer.

I know what it is like to have limited resources, and I also know that those resources saved my life despite what anyone else thought or tried to change me from doing. I had a sponsor from our sister fellowship (AA) who would not go through the NA Step Working Guides with me, but that didn't mean that I didn't do the work in them to the best of my ability. I would read from our Basic Text daily, and after awhile, I came to understand the nature of my disease and the tools and suggestions within the text began to make sense.

My resources have grown over the years to include more meetings in our Area, more addicts recovering and sharing their experience, strength and hope, and a heck of a lot more women with whom I can hang out with. I even got to do another first step recently (with an NA sponsor) right out of our Step Working Guide, and it was awesome and totally worth the wait.

So, I say 'Good On You' for doing what you can!

Please, keep an open mind and an open heart here at SR and I hope that you will continue to share your journey with us.

Peace
cj

Erinlt420

thanks CJ, that really makes me feel good!! I just got my first NA book yesterday, I started reading it last night, pretty interesting, I enjoyedreading some of the stories. I am sure it will be a great tool, for helping me with my next step, its cool, I made a thread asking for it, and a fellow soberrecovery member mailded it to me, so when I am finished with it, I will pass it on to someoone else in need, I feel it will be my obligation to pass it on. once again thanks