meree

I have been in recovery for alcoholism for almost 12 years, going to AA meetings throughout this time period - even longer. About 2 years ago, I fell in love with a guy who, as it turns out, was on his way into a rehab. Turns out he was a crack addict, which he let me know while he was in the rehab (it was an 8-month rehab). After he got out, we got together (in spite of the "no relationships in the first year" suggestion), and during the next 1.5 years, he relapsed several times. It was very horrible for me. During his last replase, he took my car and some of my money and disappeared for a weekend, and ended up comitting a crime. Although he evaded the cops (by doing things like jumping out of a 2nd story window), he ended up turning himself in to the police. He was jailed for a month before he ended up in a court-mandated rehab, where he has been for 5 months now, and where he will be for at least 5 months more. He is actually a very kind-hearted person, but when he is in his addiction, he becomes completely selfish and a liar, etc.

My questions is to recovering crack addicts. What did it take for you to quit? I often wonder if crack addiction is worse than alcohol addiction. My boyfriend definitely hit a pretty bad bottom this time, but I know this doesn't necessarily mean he hit his final bottom. I have been told to drop contact with him for 6 months, which I have done with the help of friends in recovery and in Al-Anon. I wonder if there is any hope. What helped you to get sober? What was the addiction like? If you were in a relationship, did it survive, or would tough love (i.e. having the person leave you) been for the best? I am very down about my situation, and am looking for more understanding of the nature of this particular addiction. Thanks.

Time2Surrender

Welcome to SoberRecovery. I am a recovering crack addict with 7 or 8 months clean. None of my relationships survived my addiction. I am also a very kind hearted person. But when I was active in my disease, I was a selfish, manipulative, liar. Thats the nature of the beast. What did it take? I try to answer that question often. I hit an emotional bottom. I couldnt live like that anymore. I was willing to put my recovery avove and before everyone and anything. I wanted to be clean more than I wanted to be high. If I had a girlfriend who kept being there for me, allowed me to steal her car, money, etc and still wanna be with me, I am pretty sure I would still be using.

velvet

Well said time.

junkyhunky

Hello,and Welcome.
I'm Sure He Is A Nice Guy, Addicts In "recovery" Are, Addicts In Their Active Addiction Are Selfcentered, "that" Is The Core Of Our Disease!
I Have Been In And Out Of Active Addiction For36 Years, Treatment In 4 Other Contries But "untill" I Totally Surendered, Got Honest And Accepted
Who And What I Was And Began Working The 12 Spiritual Steps "with" A Sponsor With Aworking "knowledge" Of Them Was I Able To Start Living Life
Without The Use Drugs,- "all" Of Them, I Had A Drug For Every Feeling,
Untill I Discovered "self" And Learned How To Have A Relationship With Myself First!! So How Could I Possibly Have A Relationship With Another?
Being A Enabler Will Only Prolong His Recovery And Cause You Further Turmoil, Im Not Saying To Sease Support, Just Do It In A Healthy Manner For Both.
I Will Pray For You,
God Bless
J.h

paulwall281

Hello,my name is Paul and i'm a recovering crack addict.I have 21 days clean.My girl-friend and i have been seeing each other for 13 months.Both of us met in the rooms of N.A.I had 2 yrs. she had 18 months.when we started geetting high.We were seperated for 4mos.She was in jail and i was in a 3/4 house.She was at the 3/4 house also and went back to active addiction.The pain of being powerless in that sitution was unbeleiavable.I some followed the same path.As a result of my own using i was kicked out of the 3/4 house.I never stopped praying for her.I went to a meeting and called my sister asd asked her if i could come stay with her.I talked to a other addict in recovery a week later and they told me that she was free.I quickly found her clean and starting a new job.We are starting over and both had to go though what we had to go though to get where we are today.We have alot of work to do but we are back together.She is the love of my life.My recovery has to come first.If i put anything before my recovery that will be the first to go.Pray for him and if it is meant to be it will............Love ya.......Paul..............Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

paulwall281

this response is for Meree
well i can tell u that I have a disease that is like a sleeping bear. when ist is awakened it is not a pretty site.I have 103 days clean but du to my relaspe I ended up in jail. But I truly believe going to jail svaed my life.I had the perfect life a good job a brand new car a nice house and a wonderful man.needless to say du to my addiction I lost it all. on the cool I even lost my relationship.Cuz I made a decision to walk away to go get loaded.I was in so much pain and I didnt want to feel anything. thats why we use to change the way we feel.I spent 87 days in jail and I knew my man was using but I couldnt do anything about it.after getting released from jail I made a decision not to go out and find him. cuz I WANTED to stay clean. But it didnt take long for him to locate me . and to know that he was clean too really made me feel good. but I had to hit my knees daily and ask for GODS WILL. and go to meetings to get support from my group. doing the next rite thing !!!!!!! I meet him in the rooms and on the cool we got reunited in the rooms . I had to go thru it to grow thru it. I share my experience, strenght and hope with you cuz if your relationship is worth saving GOD will find a way. pray for GODS WILL and let him guide u in the rite path. I love u
Brandi from TEXAS.........MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

meree

Thanks for all of your responses. I have really hit a pretty bad depression about this situation, b/c I really felt like this man was the love of my life too. Addiction is so freaking horrible and scary. I guess what I'm hearing from Time and Jh is to let go of him/ detach with love. It just re-affirms to me that the suggestions I am following with regard to him are the right things to do, even if they are painful to do (i.e. breaking all contact for an extended period of time in order to let both of us focus on ourselves and our recoveries).

But I am also so glad that Paul and Brandi posted. I am really routing for you both, b/c I can i.d. with you. I will continue to pray for him, and I have to remember that, like you guys said, if it is God's will, it will work out. I think recovered addicts are amazing and courageous people, and many are some of the best people I have come to know. I hope we all will never forget what a gift recovery is. Thank you all so much for helping me. I hope we all continue to stay sober, and I hope my boyfriend does too. -M

jeswi

I myself went through some VERY bad times dealing to my addiction to crack. I started selling and then trying, likeing and loving it. I took my family through hell and high water. You need to go and read up on the actual physical that happen once cocaine hits the body. After the drug hits your system it's a physical thing more than a mental thing. I've smoked two cars numerous cell phones, lots of jewlry etc, but the thing that I know is that if I don't put it in my body there's nothing that will make me sell everything for that rock. You can't take the first hit. After that it's a done deal.
It's not easy, but I'm sober, clean and preatty damn serine.

Gooch

Some good experience here you guys.

THanks for sharing the real deal.

There are exceptions to every rule and while I have seen majoroty of early in recovery romances turn into a rough ride for one or both of the parties involved, I've also seen some rewarding relationships evolve. The common denominator for the sucessfull ones appears to have been a "come hell or highwater" determination to keep ecovery the top priority for at least one of the participants.

I often hear the expression, "If it's meant to be it will be" and this seems to be true when we are willing to sacrifice our short term gratification, conrinue doing the next right thing, and practice the patience and faith we neeed to see our higher powers plans for us come to fruition.

To borrow from my friend this isn't an easy process, but it is a simple one.

Moontime

I'm a recovering Crack Monster, I have over 2 years clean. I was introduced to NA a while ago, I was in a 9 year relationship that didn't survive my active addiction. God was doing something for me, I thought he was doing something to me. Everything God has removed from my life, he has replaced with new and improved people, places, and things. It took me a full year of working on the steps without being in a relationship with anyone else other than myself, my sponsor and building a relationship with a higher power. I didn't have any cushion,enabler or co-dependant allowing me to **** up again and again. I had to this for myself, that's why I believe God was taking these people and girlfriends out of my life. I needed time with him and myself and other men. I actually had to it on my own, but I had faith I could. I saw the hope in people who lived and worked the steps. That's what I wanted. My experience addiction is addiction, alcohol and crack are drugs. For me there was no level of this substance is worse than this substance because in the end they all brought me to my knees. But, it was there on my knees that I asked and recieved help. If your boyfriend gets out and you want this relationship to work, I would suggest you let him go for a year to get involved with men. If you truly love him, you will see that will build his foundation. If he uses upon getting out, run and run like hell. This ain't a drug program, this a recovery program from the disease of addiction. I've had to leave girlfriends when they went back out, I've had to leave friends when the went back out, I told them where they could find me, but my life is more important than being caught up in other people's disease. They'll get me using before I can help them get clean.

meree

Thanks so much for being voices of reason, guys. It's so easy for me to forget the basic truths we are all taught in AA (and NA for that matter). You know, an old-timer recently reminded me that I can't get another person sober - only God can. I know it's true. And no one can be ready before his or her "time." No one could have opened my own eyes sooner than they were able to be opened. When I hit my own bottom, I was in so much emotional pain that I was completely willing to do things I never would have wanted to do otherwise (i.e. go to meetings, etc!)

And you are right Moontime - a drug is a drug is a drug. I guess for some reason, the manifestation of my boyfriend's addiction was so much different than my own, that I got to thinking it was somehow worse. But it's all the same problem in the end. I know I need to leave him be like you said. My sponsor told me that I have to want from the bottom of my heart for him to get better. I realized then that keeping up contact with him would ultimately be a selfish act on my part. So, I just have to stay away, pray, and hope that he will become "as willing as only the dying can be," or however it's stated in the Big Book.

Anyway, thanks for all of the input, guys. You know, it's actually very helpful for several reasons. One - because it's always helpful to be reminded of the truth. But also - I have to admit, it's hopeful to hear of people who have recovered from crack addiction. Even though I realize that addiction is addiction, crack still seems like a really bad drug. I am glad you all have been given the grace of recovery. Oh yeah, and another thing - for some reason, I always forget that we each have our own Higher Power looking after us. It helps to remember that.

Thanks again!
~M

Don't quit before the miracle!

Jazzman

meree, it takes 6 mos for serotonin levels in the brain to return to normal levels when abstaining form alcohol. It takes TWO YEARS for the same for a cocaine addict. Cocaine is a much more addictive drug than alcohol but I have no stats to quote on that one, to subjective to nail down. I graduated from snorting to smoking then needles during my addiction. I now have 23 years clean. It can be done but you have to want it. I wish your BF luck, he'll need it. Keep YOURSELF sane and safe, that's all YOU can do.

hartsellelady

Hi Meree... ive only been clean about 2 days now and before new years it was 8 days.. had a relapse and im back.. went to my first NA meeting today. I was on crack. Its hard.. I have a boyfriend also and the other night when i relapsed i did something i had never done. I took all his money while he was asleep and went and used by myself. Now he;s trying to tell me that my use or worse than his. That hes gonna use but not around me.. deniaL right? anyhow.. im not worried about him anymore, I love him but I need to get clean. Before I relapsed I told myself that I could get clean and he could still use.. no biggie.. but as soon as he came home friday night for work with several hundred bucks it was straight to the crack house.. nevermind that I was working on recovery all I could think about was getting high. Like i was making up for those 8 days I was clean. Just focus on you. Thats what i am doing. now im rambling.. sorry lol