Ugh, I feel my disease in a strong way right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Posts: 88
Ugh, I feel my disease in a strong way right now
I feel my disease pounding and kicking on my door today.
It happened right after I read some posts here on these forums.
Normally they get me in touch with my recovery side but somehow today they seem to trigger my disease.
I haven't had this since I stepped into the rooms of NA for the 1st time, about a year ago.
Also my money came in today and that's usually a risky time for me.
But for whatever reasons it may have decided to raise its ugly head, I'm kinda stuck with it
I've talked to it, saying that I reckognize him but just for today I don't have to listen to his insanity.
But...it won't go away
Damnit!
What I'm most affraid of is that if it persists I will cave in...as I have always done...sooner or later I always picked up again.
This time, however, I had a good week-and-a-half free of obsession and it felt wonderful!
I kinda expected it to come back but also hoped and prayed that it wouldn't.
But it's here. Again.
I'm going to call my temp sponsor (main sponsor is on vacation) and tell him about it. That seems like a good thing to do.
And if I may ask of you all....could you pray for me? Or send good thoughts or something? I feel insecure and can use some support.
Thanks
Nick.
It happened right after I read some posts here on these forums.
Normally they get me in touch with my recovery side but somehow today they seem to trigger my disease.
I haven't had this since I stepped into the rooms of NA for the 1st time, about a year ago.
Also my money came in today and that's usually a risky time for me.
But for whatever reasons it may have decided to raise its ugly head, I'm kinda stuck with it
I've talked to it, saying that I reckognize him but just for today I don't have to listen to his insanity.
But...it won't go away
Damnit!What I'm most affraid of is that if it persists I will cave in...as I have always done...sooner or later I always picked up again.
This time, however, I had a good week-and-a-half free of obsession and it felt wonderful!
I kinda expected it to come back but also hoped and prayed that it wouldn't.
But it's here. Again.
I'm going to call my temp sponsor (main sponsor is on vacation) and tell him about it. That seems like a good thing to do.
And if I may ask of you all....could you pray for me? Or send good thoughts or something? I feel insecure and can use some support.
Thanks
Nick.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
((((((((((((((((((((Nick))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry that you are having your cravings but remember that this too will pass. Remember our sayings that "We can't save our face and our ass at the same time!" That has helped me when that ugly head pops up, and also I noticed that you said something about some money coming in. Humm you know when we start to think that we are successful in our own minds at least with me that is when It's ugly head pops up too. Just hang on, stick close to SR, NA meetings, whatever it takes OK..If you need to talk to someone you can get hold of me OK..I am sending all the good thoughts I have for you just hang on OK...
Love Vic
I am so sorry that you are having your cravings but remember that this too will pass. Remember our sayings that "We can't save our face and our ass at the same time!" That has helped me when that ugly head pops up, and also I noticed that you said something about some money coming in. Humm you know when we start to think that we are successful in our own minds at least with me that is when It's ugly head pops up too. Just hang on, stick close to SR, NA meetings, whatever it takes OK..If you need to talk to someone you can get hold of me OK..I am sending all the good thoughts I have for you just hang on OK...
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: lynn,ma
Posts: 37
Dear Nick, HOLD ON!!! It will pass.I promise. Talk to your sponsor or any recovery addict. Get to a meeting. Try and keep yourself busy. Go for a walk, read, exercise, whateva, just get out of your head. This too shall pass!! If you can just hold on, it'll be sooo worth it. Think it through! Is it worth it? Of course not! I will pray for you and I suggest u do some praying of your own..a higher power can help if u ask and u let it. I hope to have helped in some way, just sharting from my own experience. Your in my prayers. Melissa
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Posts: 88
Thanks all, I feel better now *BIG sigh of relief*
I called my temp sponsor and we prayed together. Never done that before and bloody hell it worked wonders!
While we prayed together I felt how my Higher Power "melted" away that terrible obsession.
I had something else planned for tonight but was able to change that so I can go to a meeting instead. I'm already looking forward to it, seeing familiar faces who all are in recovery and know what I'm going through.
And thanks a lot fot for your prayers and good thoughts, I cannot prove it but I believe they helped me too.
((((Hugs))))
Nick.
I called my temp sponsor and we prayed together. Never done that before and bloody hell it worked wonders!
While we prayed together I felt how my Higher Power "melted" away that terrible obsession.
I had something else planned for tonight but was able to change that so I can go to a meeting instead. I'm already looking forward to it, seeing familiar faces who all are in recovery and know what I'm going through.
And thanks a lot fot for your prayers and good thoughts, I cannot prove it but I believe they helped me too.
((((Hugs))))
Nick.
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
I can't prove it either, but it works.
yeap, we all have our moments...mmmm thats why we're addicts.lol
Something a normie won't underdstand, to be in the head/mind of
an addict. It takes one to know one. My love, thoughts, prayers gose out
to you, always.
yeap, we all have our moments...mmmm thats why we're addicts.lol
Something a normie won't underdstand, to be in the head/mind of
an addict. It takes one to know one. My love, thoughts, prayers gose out
to you, always.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: grumpyville, co
Posts: 115
((((((((NICK))))))))
I too am having trouble with my disease, I'm trying to convience myself that I am no longer sick! Ha . . . I am praying for you that you stay strong and in hopes that it will help me too!!!
I too am having trouble with my disease, I'm trying to convience myself that I am no longer sick! Ha . . . I am praying for you that you stay strong and in hopes that it will help me too!!!
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Don't give in to this damn disease
It want you to think that it will please
But in reality it just wants you living soul
Then it will take you down that damn role
That role in life that we once lived not long ago
Drinking and using that damn blow
But I am here to tell you that it will never be one
If you take that one you will surely be done
Done with what you have accomplished so far
So please don't think of going to the bar
I will send good thought out to all tonight
Just hang in there and put up a fight
A fight for life is what we have today
I know this disease doesn't play
So keep in touch with your inner most selves right now
And grab hold of the damn plow
It want you to think that it will please
But in reality it just wants you living soul
Then it will take you down that damn role
That role in life that we once lived not long ago
Drinking and using that damn blow
But I am here to tell you that it will never be one
If you take that one you will surely be done
Done with what you have accomplished so far
So please don't think of going to the bar
I will send good thought out to all tonight
Just hang in there and put up a fight
A fight for life is what we have today
I know this disease doesn't play
So keep in touch with your inner most selves right now
And grab hold of the damn plow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Posts: 88
Thank you all SO much for your prayers, thoughts and support!!! 
I'm comming to believe that it truly helps.
Today I feel OK. I've had contact with my temp sponsor and he's absolutly great!
I did my morning prayers together with my wife (she's in her own recovery too) and feel good about it.
I got a program set up for today and will try to follow it to best of my ability.
Also, I gave my bankpass to my wife. That's another "recovery buffer" for me.
Whatever it takes man, whatever it takes.
I DO NOT want to use and right now I DO NOT HAVE TO!
What an incredible strong power my HP has that he can - and is willing - to do that for me. I feel blessed
Big ((((HUGS)))) from a grateful Dutch addict to ya all.
Nick.
I'm comming to believe that it truly helps.
Today I feel OK. I've had contact with my temp sponsor and he's absolutly great!
I did my morning prayers together with my wife (she's in her own recovery too) and feel good about it.
I got a program set up for today and will try to follow it to best of my ability.
Also, I gave my bankpass to my wife. That's another "recovery buffer" for me.
Whatever it takes man, whatever it takes.
I DO NOT want to use and right now I DO NOT HAVE TO!
What an incredible strong power my HP has that he can - and is willing - to do that for me. I feel blessed
Big ((((HUGS)))) from a grateful Dutch addict to ya all.
Nick.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Awesome Nick!!! Your living a new way of life!! One thing I have to tell myself when I go on these forums are that people are sick too. Clean time DOES NOT mean much if people are still posting about living in the problem. Just for today, I want to live in the solution and it's apparent you do too. Awesome!!
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