ebjco

Hi all,

My miserable S.O.B. of a boss is retiring at the end of this month. I have been doing everything possible to avoid him. When ever he does speak to me he always uses a real discusted tone in his voice. It still cuts right through me. I'm getting an "end of the rope" feeling towards this guy. Man, I just want to haul off and clock him one. Or, tell him to go f**k his mother.

I give up so much of my power to this type of person. When any boss that I ever had became upset with me I couldn't stand it. I usually just quit. I started this job six months ago after taking three years off with a major depression. It's part time (only 4 hours in the morning) which is all I want to work right now. That's part of what is giving him so much power. It's very hard to find part time work at such a good hourly rate and this job is very important to me.

I really hate how I react internally to this jerk. I become very ashamed of myself but I also feel a seething rage when he uses "the tone" in his voice.

I have read about this and have also been given advice stating that the best thing to do is NOT explode and go off on this guy. I want to learn to just not care. But, as a child I was conditioned to believe that not caring when someone was upset at me was really horrible. It meant that I was an un-feeling smart ass.

Also, I would feel a lot better if he treated everyone this way but he doesn't.
This guy is really wonderful to everyone else and he is really popular. That feeds into my feelings of shame about not fitting in, not being as good as everyone else, etc.

I try to talk to myself and remind myself that he is very very sick. But I am really depressed over this treatment. And I hate it. I have been sober for over eight years and all this childhood stuff is coming up and as I am working through the pain I seem to be very venerable to being criticized. It's like all my emotions are very raw right now. And I don't have any experience in handeling put downs calmly and without taking it personally.

What I could use is a list of reasons and feedback why I should NOT go off on him. I could keep in my draw at work.

So that's what I'm going through. At work I feel like a screw up and a failure. I'm going through that awful feeling of letting people down. One more month. Hopefully I can tough it out.

Thanks

Ernie