Blake

My life is going good right now, I have paid off my old credit card debts, work is crazy, but manageable, my girlfriend is doing really well now, I have just switched sponsors and I enjoy talking to this dude, I have a 4 day weekend comming up, friday I'm going to the LSU game with a bunch of recovering addicts, I am involved in service, my family is starting to respect me again....

All day today I have wanted to go get ****** up. WTF? Why would that thought even cross my mind? It is ******* insane. I just recently went through all this **** and I didn't use, now that things are going good, my brain is trying to tell me "think how much better it would be if you went and coped a couple bags...just a couple, maybe a bundle....**** a bundle would probably last you a whole week now..." ******* ******** I know it is a lie, but for some reason today it sounds almost reasonable.

I am not gonna do any dope today, after work I'm calling my sponsor and I will be at the meeting tonight.....I just wish I could turn that part of my brain off, I hate it.

Blake

historyteach

Hi, Blake;
I think it sounds like you've got a good plan going on for yourself.
And following that plan will probably help turn off that side of the brain, no?
Keep it up, Blake! Proud of all you're doing for yourself.
Shalom!

REZ

I still think about using from time to time after 21 years clean. This is normal for an addict. It becomes a problem when I start obsessing on the thought of using. This can drives me nuts and lead to an actual compulsion to use. When the thoughts come up, I have to try to let them go and just move on to something else. I remember what is was like at the end of my using days, and I remember that I don't have to use today. No one and no thing can make me use.

namommy

Blake,
Before you decide to use, read my "What is going on?" thread. Maybe that will help you put things back into perspective.

Stick with your plan. Call your sponsor, and get to a meeting.

Love ya
Laurie

tyler

I know what you mean Blake, the same thoughts are starting to cross my mind. I've been clean for about 9 months now and those thoughts of "controled usage" have begun to enter my mind again. My DOC was pot and every time I think I can control it, it ends up controling. Guess it really doesn't matter what my doc is, everyone has the same irrational thoughts about their drug. Like you things are just starting to get a little better for me. This time last year I was just getting ready to begin a tailspin that almost cost me my life. I am finally stating to put it back together again and now I want to sabatoge myself. Messed up!! I'm still clean and sober today and plan to be tomorrow too...but I just hate it when those thoughts creep in!! Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Take care.

Nickaddict

I identify Blake. Last night I had dope thoughts too...on my way to a meeting they started because: 1 - my money came in today and 2 - that meeting is very close to my dealers address.
I did my service (setting up chairs/making tea) and shared about my drug using thoughts in the meeting.
After that I talked to various fellow addicts and had a private talk with my sponsor.
That helped!

Sounds like you have about the same plan of action Blake. It worked for me I can tell you.
Also chanting the serenity prayer in my head helped me to shift my focus a little and repeating the thought that I "don't HAVE to use".
Stay strong my brother! ((((((HUGS))))))

Nick.

Blake

Hey yall,

I didn't get loaded. I followed my plan of action and it worked. I talked to my sponsor after I got off of work, I was all freaking out he he said, "well imagine that, a drug addict that wants to do drugs..." I kinda laughed and he told me that I am not responsible for the thoughts I have, I am powerless to prevent them from comming, however I AM responsible for my actions after they hit me and there is no acceptable reason to get loaded.

I shared about it in the meeting and it became the topic.....what do you do to get rid of using thoughts...

THank yall for all the input, it is very much appreciated.
Blake

Time4Change

Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!

That's funny! It sounds like you've got a really cool sponsor. I'm so happy for you, Blake. And I'm so proud of the way you handled your using thoughts. You followed the NA way, reached out to your sponsor and told on yourself, went to a meeting and expressed your desire, etc. And through all that, I'm sure you've helped a few other addicts without even knowing. You did good, Blake! You didn't pick up!

Nickaddict

Excellent Blake
And what a cool thing that your new sponsor said, haha, I can imagine that put things back into perspective somewhat.
I heard a similar thing from a fellow addict not so long ago: "A butcher thinks about meat, a painter thinks about paint and an addict thinks about drugs. Nothing to get excited about, that's normal."