Moontime

So, one of my major character defects is my ability to deny or hide my feelings at certain times. I guess I can hide it from a lot of people except from my sponsor. Again another plug for sponsorship because he knows me better than anyone today. He can spot my self-deception better than myself :lol. I like when people say that; "Get a sponsor. Self-Deception is hard to spot by yourself!!" I denied my feelings a lot of the time yesterday. I had an ex-sponsee celebrate his one year clean last night. It was great to see, because we worked really hard together. I had him writing about some really deep **** and he was uncovering all the past behaviors, patterns, fears that have plagued him all his life. We met every tuesday night. It was moving great. Well, fast foward to about 3 weeks ago, he had a meltdown. I was not in town and he knew that. Instead of calling me and leaving a message, he just bottled up all the rage he was going through. He didnt' call anyone and just white knuckled it through that weekend. Well, when I get back to town and was seeing if we were on for tuesday, he told me what happened. I said why didn't you call me, leave a message or call other guys and he said he prefered to isolate. I told him that's not good and without asking for help, we could put our recovery in jeopardy. Well, long story short, he decided he needed to move on in sponsorship. Actually, it was not in this conversation but the next day, he left a message saying he was moving on. So, I got this by voice mail. Anyway, I put my feelings aside to tell him that I loved him and was there for him whenever, sponsorship or not we do have a relationship.
Well last night was him 1 year anniversary. I really felt weird. I denied my feelings saying Iit didnt' bother me, I know I did my job and I know that God knows that I did a good job, so that's it. AFter the meeting, I was talking to my sponsor, says "it sucks, doesn't it?" I said "come again?" He said it sucks when we help someone so far and develop a relationship with that person and see that person change and leave a relationship with a bad taste in our mouth. It was almost like "now that you bring it up, yes". I kinda agreed and finally I didnt deny my feelings, yes it hurt!! AS much as I denied my feelings all through yesterday knowing I was going to his anniversary, it felt so good to talk to my sponsor about it. I know I did my job!! Ego says I should've been the one giving him his medallion. God says humility will set you free of an unhealthy ego.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Peter

"Unconditional Love" can be difficult to practise sometimes.

However you did the right thing by letting go with dignity.

REZ

I can relate. It helps me to try to understand where the other person is coming from and how they may be acting out on their character defects. Then, I can accept them as imperfect, just like me. Let me relate a similar situation. A couple of years ago I had sponsored someone for two years. We had a good relationship. Well, he got a job and it was time to move away. We both talked about the upcoming move, etc. Well, he left without formally saying goodbye and did not leave a phone number. I was pretty upset, felt disrespected, etc. But, I came to realize that he was probably acting out on character defects and going through a lot of stress. A couple of weeks after he left, I get a phone call from him and he apologizes. He says, basically, that goodbyes are very tough for him and that he just couldn't face saying goodbye. So, we eventually achieved some reconciliation. I wished him well, told him he could call me any time, etc.

Moontime

Thanks!!!