Petra

I would like to hear from an addict. My AH has lost everything. He had a business and nice home, a wife (me) children, grandchildren. He has walked away from everything that was ever good in his life. He doesn't work. His drug of choice at this time is crack, although he has taken every drug there is except heroin, which I think by now he may have tried that too. He is also an alcoholic. He doesn't live with me anymore (I miss him terribe). He just was so hard to live with that I had him leave 4 months ago and I must admit that I really thought that by now he would have hit his bottom and got help and come back home to his family who love and miss him.

Anyway my question is while he is in active addiction does he think about what he has done? I know he needs help but does he think about his family? I haven't heard from him in a while. He was calling and begging to come home and crying and yelling...he was such an emotional basket case and still says he doesn't need help. For a while the calls were more frequent now not as often...does that mean he is forgetting about his family? I don't understand that he has not once contacted his children or even asked about them or the grandchildren. Does an addict just forget in time.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I didn't mean too. I just would like to hear from someone who has gone through this. I usually post on the NarAnon site and only read on this one.

Thank you

candy39

Petra- I ask myself that too. I have been seperated from my AH for 2 months. He has attempted to see me last Thursday and I left the scene. He told me he was working, etc. but I know he's still on crack. Not an apology for walking out on his family from him. Just "look how good i'm doing and see my new car" I know some woman is taking care of him which is heartbreaking for me cause i thought he would have admitted that he needs more help and come home. He has another enabler so oh, well. But I miss him so much too Petra. I have to stay in the word and reading the ""Purpose driven Life'' is soo helpful and clear about Gods will for our life and why troubles and divorces happen. When I read this and listen to gospel songs and Christian songs, I come to a sense of calm for the moment. My question is does God want me to stay with him during his addiction. i can't. Anyway, the times that he goes without calling, I wonder that as well. Did he just forget about us? What about us? I think about him EVERYDAY and wish we can be like we were a few months ago. Petra, it is so hard I know. I would also like to hear from an addict. DO YOU GUYS JUST FORGET ABOUT US? PLEASE ANSWER? WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND AFTER BREAKING UP WITH SOMEONE YOU ONCE OR STILL CARE ABOUT AND YOUR FAMILY.

wolflet

to both of you

i have no experience in this area, but i do not believe that they forget.......they just get "caught up"....... ((((((((hugs))))))) & love hope it comes around the best it can!

shockozulu

I can only speak for me. When I saw family that cared, the pain inside myself would drive me to use even more to hide that pain.

Gooch

yes.. at least in my experience I was cognizant of the pain between my family and I but the mission that is the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more can keep us so distracted and confused, that we can't see our part in it or even when we can we cannot stop the cycle to do anything about it. Active addiction distorts time.. while I was loaded I felt there was always "time" to "fix" things later. And when I wasn't loaded and my supply was gone it was time to get more and that time was the most important time.

Luckyv2

Glad that you are here at SR and I just want you to know that when we are active into addiction that nothing matters, atleast it was like that for me. This disease took everything from me my wife, my children, my home, but I could not stop even if I wanted to, and still today I have not stopped I don't use today. It is not like I didn't care but in reality the only thing that I cared about was my next high, and that is just how it is. I am glad that all of this happened to me cause now I know that I have a problem and I have a solution now also. I don't regreat the past, and I do my best today to make it up to my ex wife, children, but most of all to me by staying clean just for today.

Love Vic

weelcharboy

I can speak from first hand. I am an addict in recovery. And i can say with 99.9% feelings that yes he does think of you and the kids and grandkids. Each and every day and many times during the day. When i was in active addiction i thought of everyone and even as i was doing the drugs i thought of them. So in answer to your question YES HE STILL THINKS OF YOU. He just doesn't want to admit he has a problem yet. And when he does finally admit it he will regreat all he has caused you to go through.

Hope this helps,
James AKA weelcharboy

Gooch

Good to see you James! How are you doing?

Petra

Thank you for answering me. I will pray you all do well in your recovery. I just don't know what it will take for him to hit his bottom and realize what he has lost. It just baffles me.

Luckyv2

It baffles all of us also, for we are not any different than he is right now except we have a program that we try to follow to the best of our ability. Just pray you @ss off that seems to work and remember Gods will not ours. The last relapse that I had my sponsor came up to me and gave me a postcard of a ship sinking and on the top in big bold letters it said MISTAKES under the ship sinking it says "Sometimes the only purpose of our lives is to be a Warning to Others on what not to do!" OMG I had to think about that.

Love Vic

Paulie

GREAT post Vic.

candy39

Thanks you guys for answering me and Petras post. I went to bed thinking about him and most mornings i think aobut him. And he still states that he's "sraight". Yeah right!! He's not giving me any room to move. I can't even talk to him cuause he's in denial right now. It is good to hear you guys say that he does sthink about us. It's not helping us any though because they are not here with us and our lives is upside down. In a different way though than when we were together. I hope I will soon get over the pain that I feel

jessica2002

I thought of my family when I was getting high. I would feel guilty and I would use more. Eventually I told myself I was doing my family a favor by staying away from them while I was like that. I also stayed away because I was ashamed of the person I had become. It seemed easier just to cover up my feelings with drugs than to face reality.

Petra

Jessica,

I am sorry that you felt that way and went through that pain. I hope things are better for you now. Thank you for sharing that with me. He hasn't seen or talked to his children or grandchildren since May. They are really starting to miss him and then they get angry. Just cuz he is away it doesn' stop the emotional turmoil. We are all in counseling and trying to move on and be ok. I think my husband is ashamed too. He really loved his grandbabies. It is just so sad.

Paulie

I am sure he is. Shame is part of the disease...it helps keep us out there using, until we learn about recovery.

candy39

Petra- it is soo sad. My husbands uncle today told me he was about to move out of state. Can u believe that and I know he's following another woman out there cause thats all he's got right now. In a way i'm glad because i fear running into him cause it messes me up when I do. But still, can you believe that. He is leaving leaving us. WOW. That's messed up.

Petra

Yes the disease is just so bad. I wonder if there is hope for a crack addict. My AH doc is crack and it worries me because he is 56 years old and still using everday. How much longer can his mind and body take this. I feel like there is no hope for him.

Sugah

Petra...

Gooch said his feelings were that there would be time to fix things later. Mine? I felt they were beyond fixing, so why should I stop? I was going to ride it till the wheels fell off. Today, I know that things might not be put back together the way they were before (and thank God, in many cases!), but they can become something new.

I'm in recovery. My daughter's father is not (we've been apart for more than ten years). He hasn't seen her since Christmas, and I know that something of the sort is going on with him right now. He admits he has a problem, but he's just not ready to do something about it. I pray he lives long enough to make the decision.

I'll be praying for you - and for him.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Gooch

I think one of the things that eventually convinced me to get straight was that "later " never seemed to come, and the pile of broken things was casting a big shadow behind me. In recovery though, I've experienceed some miracles and there have been repairs made that I was only a part of. It works better when I leave it to the Ultimate Fixer Upper and let my inner do it yourself or don't do it at all guy stand in the unemployment line.

As long as there's breath there is hope and although things may not turn out the way I had engvisioned, they usually turn out better.

splendra

(((petra)))

My H is 55 and he is finally getting it... and your H can get it too. I have been holding my breath for a long time now.

You are on a good path but, it still hurts like hell. The truth is like that sometimes but, it is also very healing. I would be willing to wager you have learned more about your relationship with your H in the past few months than in all of the years you were together. Be gentle with yourself....