Why oh Why, H&I...
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Why oh Why, H&I...
I don't know why I put that title, guss it just rhymes...
Anyway, I am going to be picking up my pretty blue keytag on wed. and as a celebration, I'm going to go do some H&I service with my sponsor on thur. at this rehab where he is a panel leader.
I'm nervous. I don't have any idea what I'm gonna talk about or if i even deserve to be there. I never went to a 28 day rehab. I've been to detox, but never inpatient rehab. I'm not sure if I know what these dude will be going through. I have no idea what to expect(i read the orientation pamphlet, but that is just do's and don'ts).
What have some of yall's first experiences with H&I been like?
I just don't want to go in there and be like, "mumble mumble muble, drugs are bad m'kay, mumble mumble"
Anyway, I am going to be picking up my pretty blue keytag on wed. and as a celebration, I'm going to go do some H&I service with my sponsor on thur. at this rehab where he is a panel leader.
I'm nervous. I don't have any idea what I'm gonna talk about or if i even deserve to be there. I never went to a 28 day rehab. I've been to detox, but never inpatient rehab. I'm not sure if I know what these dude will be going through. I have no idea what to expect(i read the orientation pamphlet, but that is just do's and don'ts).
What have some of yall's first experiences with H&I been like?
I just don't want to go in there and be like, "mumble mumble muble, drugs are bad m'kay, mumble mumble"
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
Experience, Strength and Hope, our message is hope and the Promise of Freedom, Explain how you yourself are taking step to get that freedom. The most Profound thing we can say a an H&I presentation or even a regular meeting is "Welcome, You never have to use again". I have faith you will do just fine. I took my sponsee the other day to a Detox and he chose to not speak,So he chaired and got the feel of what goes on, This week I will be taking my sponsor, It is a wonderful feeling to carry the message, people will walk up to you later and remember you, tell you that you helped them stay clean just one more day, it is beautiful.
Detox, rehab, jail, if you are staying clean and living the Program of Narctics Anonymous, you have a message, We a miracles, we are going against the laws of Nature, we are visions of Hope.
Peace,
Todd J
Detox, rehab, jail, if you are staying clean and living the Program of Narctics Anonymous, you have a message, We a miracles, we are going against the laws of Nature, we are visions of Hope.
Peace,
Todd J
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Well Blake, I can't help you on the H&I side, but I can tell you what it is like at a 28 day rehab, did it twice!! I know I was so happy to see people from the "outside", especially those "early" in recovery. Sure all of the councilors were in "recovery" but it had been years for them, they couldn't possibly understand what I was going through now!! (This is how I was feeling!) To see someone who had been where I was, so to speak, only 6 months ago (blue is 6 months, right?!), that was a person I wanted to talk to!! Just about everyone in that place desperately wants what you have, of course some are just "doing their time" for various reasons, but most of them have volunterely put their entire lives on hold for a month to try to achieve what you currently have. Enjoy and learn from this opportunity, and remember because you made the choice not to use today, you get to go home at the end of the night, they don't. Hope that helps. Take care.
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
You made me crack up, Blake! Very cute!
You'll do great, Sweetie! I'm so proud of you for helping others and being such an active member of NA. I'm taking baby steps, but am looking forward to working my way up. I'll bet once you start talking, you'll find the words. They'll come ... just pray about it. Please let us know how it turns out, MMMKAY?
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
Just let God in and you will be right where you need to be, and say what needs to be said, and if you say some profound stuff that you didn't think you would say, God was there and the message was carried. We are viehicals.
Peace,
Todd J.
Peace,
Todd J.
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
You'll do great, Blake! I'll say a prayer for you.
It's so funny ... I'd never heard the term "H & I" until reading this thread yesterday, then, at my meeting last night, our guest speaker said it and then proceeded to explain what it means. I immediately thought of you, Blake, and this thread! Strange when things like that happen, huh? It's definately God working his mojo!
Good luck, Sweetie!
It's so funny ... I'd never heard the term "H & I" until reading this thread yesterday, then, at my meeting last night, our guest speaker said it and then proceeded to explain what it means. I immediately thought of you, Blake, and this thread! Strange when things like that happen, huh? It's definately God working his mojo!
Good luck, Sweetie!
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
I know that when I have spoke I always ask my Higher Power to give me the words to say and I just go with it. Remember like alot of the others have said all we have is our experience, strength, and hope, and someone out there is going to hear from you what they need to hear at that moment. I will be thinking about you Good Luck
Love Vic
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: home sweet home
Posts: 302
Blake,
You have the best to share.....words from down under to back out of the dark hole.....
be proud of yourself, and just be YOU. There will be many who will relate with you..
and you can be an inspiration.
GO get em!
You have the best to share.....words from down under to back out of the dark hole.....
be proud of yourself, and just be YOU. There will be many who will relate with you..
and you can be an inspiration.
GO get em!
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
It was a very interesting experience....
My sponsor told me on the way up ther that we were meeting 2 other people so I didn't have to worry about having to talk for 30 minutes or even going first. That was cool with me b/c I was nervous as hell. We got up there and we meet up with the other 2 guys in the parking lot outside the building. That was when the supprises started.
My sponsor saw that one of the other guys was wearing a bandanna on his head, so, being the panel leader, he asked him to take it off. THe facillity we were at has a no hat rule for thier clients and our H&I chairperson has told us that we can't wear hats there either if the clients can't. The guy got all pissed off saying **** like, "this isn't NA...NA isn't about controversy...I used to come here all the time when I used to do H&I and I allways wore this hat....I've spoke all around this country with this hat....how much clean time do you have, 30 days?....this is ********...this isn't NA..."
The guy causing all the rukus has like 18 years clean and lives in my local area, but I might have seen him 2 times since I got clean 6 months ago. My sponsor has 2 years and 3 months clean, but he is the panel leader and he is just doing his job to make sure rules are followed.
My sponsor called the H&I chairperson and told him what was happening and he told my sponsor that if the guy couldn't follow the rules, he couldn't go in. When my sponsor told the guy that, he said fine, I'm leaving...you don't know **** about NA. The other guy riding with him left with him also.
Now this is my first experience with H&I and I'm starting to understand what all the jokes about service actually mean. I smoked like 3 cigarettes really quick and kept walking back and forth outside. Wayne came and got me and we walked in the building. While we are walking down the hall to the meeting room, Wayne tells me that I have to speak first since he is chairing the meeting and that the facillity is kinda overbooked so the room is gonna be really crowded, he just kinda chuckled and asked me if I was cool. I wasn't, but I said yes anyway. We walked in the room and it was full as hell, a couple people had to move and go stand up so that wayne and I would have seats. I felt like I was beet red and my palms were sweating. Wayne opened the meeting and while everyone was reading the readings, in my head I kept going over the serenity prayer and kept asking my god to let me do his will and just let me n ot screwup too bad....I kinda started to relax a little bit.
I started talking by saying, "my name is Blake and I'm an addict. This is my first time doing H&I and I'm nervous as hell........."
After I said that a few people there kinda gave me a little head nod, and some dude said, "don't worry about it" and poof....nervousness went a way quite a bit, not copletely, but alot.
I went through my story and got a few laughs and a bunch of "umm huhhh's" the main thing I focused on was, "don't pick up no matter what" and "one is too many and a thousand is never enough"I spoke for about 20 minutes and then wayne took over for the rest of the time.
After the meeting a bunch of dudes came up and told us thank yopu and told me I did a good job and I could see the grattitude and identification in thier eyes. I kinda threw me for a loop. I got a nice little "high on life" feeling.
My sponsor told me that I did a good job and there must have been a reason that the other 2 dudes left. WIth all that ******** aside, it was one of the most awsome experiences in my short time in recovery. I am glad I did it and I'll be going back for 2nds and 3rds.
Thanks yall for all the encouragement.
-Blake
My sponsor told me on the way up ther that we were meeting 2 other people so I didn't have to worry about having to talk for 30 minutes or even going first. That was cool with me b/c I was nervous as hell. We got up there and we meet up with the other 2 guys in the parking lot outside the building. That was when the supprises started.
My sponsor saw that one of the other guys was wearing a bandanna on his head, so, being the panel leader, he asked him to take it off. THe facillity we were at has a no hat rule for thier clients and our H&I chairperson has told us that we can't wear hats there either if the clients can't. The guy got all pissed off saying **** like, "this isn't NA...NA isn't about controversy...I used to come here all the time when I used to do H&I and I allways wore this hat....I've spoke all around this country with this hat....how much clean time do you have, 30 days?....this is ********...this isn't NA..."
The guy causing all the rukus has like 18 years clean and lives in my local area, but I might have seen him 2 times since I got clean 6 months ago. My sponsor has 2 years and 3 months clean, but he is the panel leader and he is just doing his job to make sure rules are followed.
My sponsor called the H&I chairperson and told him what was happening and he told my sponsor that if the guy couldn't follow the rules, he couldn't go in. When my sponsor told the guy that, he said fine, I'm leaving...you don't know **** about NA. The other guy riding with him left with him also.
Now this is my first experience with H&I and I'm starting to understand what all the jokes about service actually mean. I smoked like 3 cigarettes really quick and kept walking back and forth outside. Wayne came and got me and we walked in the building. While we are walking down the hall to the meeting room, Wayne tells me that I have to speak first since he is chairing the meeting and that the facillity is kinda overbooked so the room is gonna be really crowded, he just kinda chuckled and asked me if I was cool. I wasn't, but I said yes anyway. We walked in the room and it was full as hell, a couple people had to move and go stand up so that wayne and I would have seats. I felt like I was beet red and my palms were sweating. Wayne opened the meeting and while everyone was reading the readings, in my head I kept going over the serenity prayer and kept asking my god to let me do his will and just let me n ot screwup too bad....I kinda started to relax a little bit.
I started talking by saying, "my name is Blake and I'm an addict. This is my first time doing H&I and I'm nervous as hell........."
After I said that a few people there kinda gave me a little head nod, and some dude said, "don't worry about it" and poof....nervousness went a way quite a bit, not copletely, but alot.
I went through my story and got a few laughs and a bunch of "umm huhhh's" the main thing I focused on was, "don't pick up no matter what" and "one is too many and a thousand is never enough"I spoke for about 20 minutes and then wayne took over for the rest of the time.
After the meeting a bunch of dudes came up and told us thank yopu and told me I did a good job and I could see the grattitude and identification in thier eyes. I kinda threw me for a loop. I got a nice little "high on life" feeling.
My sponsor told me that I did a good job and there must have been a reason that the other 2 dudes left. WIth all that ******** aside, it was one of the most awsome experiences in my short time in recovery. I am glad I did it and I'll be going back for 2nds and 3rds.
Thanks yall for all the encouragement.
-Blake
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
Oh Blake!!!! 
I'm SOOOO proud of you! I was so excited when I first clicked on SR this morning and saw you had posted about your H&I share! I've got a huge smile on my face and tears in my eyes. So many things you said really touched my heart and I feel a sense of pride for just knowing you on this board.
PERFECT! Absolutely perfect way to start! And see how well it worked for you.
Wow! That must have felt amazing, Blake! And it's great to hear you're looking forward to going back again. Good for you, Sweetie! 
I'm SOOOO proud of you! I was so excited when I first clicked on SR this morning and saw you had posted about your H&I share! I've got a huge smile on my face and tears in my eyes. So many things you said really touched my heart and I feel a sense of pride for just knowing you on this board.
Originally Posted by Blake
I started talking by saying, "my name is Blake and I'm an addict. This is my first time doing H&I and I'm nervous as hell........."
Originally Posted by Blake
I went through my story and got a few laughs and a bunch of "umm huhhh's" ..... After the meeting a bunch of dudes came up and told us thank yopu and told me I did a good job and I could see the grattitude and identification in thier eyes. I kinda threw me for a loop. I got a nice little "high on life" feeling.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: home sweet home
Posts: 302
Blake,
It is great to hear you overcame the anxiety, and followed to be a leader. maybe you have found a path that you never thought you would be good at?!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH that is a new experience.
Proud of you and your courage to help yourself and others. I have said it before, but
you have given strength to many on here, whether you see us in person or not.
I love all your honesty.....keep it up!
Mendingheart
It is great to hear you overcame the anxiety, and followed to be a leader. maybe you have found a path that you never thought you would be good at?!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH that is a new experience.
Proud of you and your courage to help yourself and others. I have said it before, but
you have given strength to many on here, whether you see us in person or not.
I love all your honesty.....keep it up!
Mendingheart
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