Arrogance
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Arrogance
I am having some problems with this.
I have been clean now for almost 6 months and I'm proud of that. I haven't been clean this long since I was 12. I have noticed lately that my pride is rapidly becoming arrogance. I tend to think that I have this recovery thing figured out and that scares me. I have heard it said in meetings that when you think you know everything is when you really don't know ****. I've noticed I have been judgemental of other people's recovery and I think I know exactally what they need to do to fix themselves. Last night at my relapse prevention group a girl that has a month clean kept going on about how she would never use again and how she knows how to stay clean now and how she doesn't do NA b/c she can't fit it into her schedule. If you spot it you got it. I kept thinking to myself, "this girl is doomed, she thinks she knows everything and that she is better than all of us." The topic of arrogance came up from the counciler and I got all embarassed. I felt like she was talking about me. Listening to some of the people in my group that have been here a while and have relapsed numerous times talk about how they thought they knew everything, but then a relapse cured them of that, scares the **** out of me. I am afraid of a relapse. I equate relapse with death, b/c I seriously doubt I could survive one, and I'd rather be dead than to live in active addiction again. I don't want to have to find humility from a relapse, there has to be a better way to get humble and kill this arrogance brewing in me.
Any suggestions?
Insecure Egomaniac,
Blake
I have been clean now for almost 6 months and I'm proud of that. I haven't been clean this long since I was 12. I have noticed lately that my pride is rapidly becoming arrogance. I tend to think that I have this recovery thing figured out and that scares me. I have heard it said in meetings that when you think you know everything is when you really don't know ****. I've noticed I have been judgemental of other people's recovery and I think I know exactally what they need to do to fix themselves. Last night at my relapse prevention group a girl that has a month clean kept going on about how she would never use again and how she knows how to stay clean now and how she doesn't do NA b/c she can't fit it into her schedule. If you spot it you got it. I kept thinking to myself, "this girl is doomed, she thinks she knows everything and that she is better than all of us." The topic of arrogance came up from the counciler and I got all embarassed. I felt like she was talking about me. Listening to some of the people in my group that have been here a while and have relapsed numerous times talk about how they thought they knew everything, but then a relapse cured them of that, scares the **** out of me. I am afraid of a relapse. I equate relapse with death, b/c I seriously doubt I could survive one, and I'd rather be dead than to live in active addiction again. I don't want to have to find humility from a relapse, there has to be a better way to get humble and kill this arrogance brewing in me.
Any suggestions?
Insecure Egomaniac,
Blake
old enough to know BETTER!!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 396
Well, the title of your thread caught my attention .... and FAST!
Now I don't know you, but I can tell you that merely REALIZING your faults (and God knows we ALL have them) is a step in the right direction! Would you have realized your faults while addicted? We both know that addicts ALWAYS think they're right; hence, arrogant! BUT .... and here's a BIG but ..... you're clean and you realized something about yourself you/or others don't like! I think that's saying something about you that's POSITIVE! YEE-HAWE!
Now, the reason your title caught my attention is because I walked away from what should have been a *friendly* card game over a week ago because the person teaching *us* the card game was getting annoyed because we weren't catching on too quickly!
I finally had it with him .... stood up ..... walked towards the door .... looked back .... and said "Jim, you know what I call that?"
ARROGANCE ....
and left!
Problem is ..... he's my new (less than 2 months) landlord! Sooooo, OUCH! Maybe I should have kept my mouth closed!
Maybe I should consider changing my userid to STICKFOOTINMOUTH!
Just keep positive about the negatives you are discovering! I think you'll be just fine!
Much love,
Maria
Now I don't know you, but I can tell you that merely REALIZING your faults (and God knows we ALL have them) is a step in the right direction! Would you have realized your faults while addicted? We both know that addicts ALWAYS think they're right; hence, arrogant! BUT .... and here's a BIG but ..... you're clean and you realized something about yourself you/or others don't like! I think that's saying something about you that's POSITIVE! YEE-HAWE!
Now, the reason your title caught my attention is because I walked away from what should have been a *friendly* card game over a week ago because the person teaching *us* the card game was getting annoyed because we weren't catching on too quickly!
I finally had it with him .... stood up ..... walked towards the door .... looked back .... and said "Jim, you know what I call that?"
ARROGANCE ....
and left!
Problem is ..... he's my new (less than 2 months) landlord! Sooooo, OUCH! Maybe I should have kept my mouth closed!
Maybe I should consider changing my userid to STICKFOOTINMOUTH!
Just keep positive about the negatives you are discovering! I think you'll be just fine!
Much love,
Maria
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Blake,
Focus on you. Everyone's process in recovery is different. It's easy for me to know what people need to do in recovery and I can easily take everyone's inventory at a meeting. When I do this, for me it means I'm lacking in my own spiritual program. I'm taking the focus off me. I'm judging people. But my Higher Power doesn't judge why should I? Am I larger than my higher power that I have the means to judge? Deffinately No, so I have to keep myself in check very often because being non-judgemental is asset I'm trying to achieve. In the rooms we say it EGO = Easing God Out, ain't in the truth? Your doing great and I've been in your shoes, my suggestion would be to keep the focus on you and pray to have your HP keep the focus on you. Not to mention when we judge someone we close our minds to the message that might save our lives that will speak through others from our HP's.
Focus on you. Everyone's process in recovery is different. It's easy for me to know what people need to do in recovery and I can easily take everyone's inventory at a meeting. When I do this, for me it means I'm lacking in my own spiritual program. I'm taking the focus off me. I'm judging people. But my Higher Power doesn't judge why should I? Am I larger than my higher power that I have the means to judge? Deffinately No, so I have to keep myself in check very often because being non-judgemental is asset I'm trying to achieve. In the rooms we say it EGO = Easing God Out, ain't in the truth? Your doing great and I've been in your shoes, my suggestion would be to keep the focus on you and pray to have your HP keep the focus on you. Not to mention when we judge someone we close our minds to the message that might save our lives that will speak through others from our HP's.
old enough to know BETTER!!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 396
Originally Posted by Moontime
Not to mention when we judge someone we close our minds to the message that might save our lives that will speak through others from our HP's.
Wow .... THANK YOU .... you made me realize I was just as guilty as the person who judged me!
Talk about feeling awful! Actually, I felt awful just hours later and apologized; but, now I feel worse having realized I judged him as badly as he judged me!
Another OUCH!
Thanks for making me see that!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Greentree, PA
Posts: 276
Blake,
Just wanted to tell you that I can relate. When I meet people who tell me they don't do meetings, or that they just "decided to stop" using and that those who can't just stop are the ones who need help....I get so angry. I start thinking about how they are going to relapse, and how I have it all figured out, etc. Ha ha....that's a good one....I have nothing figured out!
Your post helped me. It made me think about the fact that my reaction to these people probably says a lot more about where *I* am in recovery (or denial....) than anything else. Thanks!!!!
Ashley
Just wanted to tell you that I can relate. When I meet people who tell me they don't do meetings, or that they just "decided to stop" using and that those who can't just stop are the ones who need help....I get so angry. I start thinking about how they are going to relapse, and how I have it all figured out, etc. Ha ha....that's a good one....I have nothing figured out!
Your post helped me. It made me think about the fact that my reaction to these people probably says a lot more about where *I* am in recovery (or denial....) than anything else. Thanks!!!!
Ashley
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((blake)))
We are all learning and changing all the time sometimes in spite of ourselves....
Arrogance certainly is a tool our sickness can use. I think the fact that you have reckonized your arrogance is a step in the right direction.A small pin hole can pop a large balloon....
We are all learning and changing all the time sometimes in spite of ourselves....
Arrogance certainly is a tool our sickness can use. I think the fact that you have reckonized your arrogance is a step in the right direction.A small pin hole can pop a large balloon....
I'm an addict.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Revalations about my arrogance last night.
The meeting was about secrets(the meditations this whole week have been hitting me in the face, day after day) and after a few people shared about thier secrets from thier heart. I started thinging about why was I arrogant. Did I really believe that I was better than everyone there? A light bulb went off. I shared that my arrogance and pride and judgementalness was all ********. It was just a front I used to make me feel like I was worth something. In all actuallity, my secret is that I don't really like myself and I put up that wall of arrogance so that noone can get in b/c I'm afraid that if people saw who I really was, they would feel that same way.
To my supprise, most people told me they could relate to that and I even got some free pizza out of the deal. I realized that my friends in NAalready like me for who I am and there isn't a need to front here like there was out there.
It is no ********, when we reveal our secrets, they do lose thier power over us. I feel so much more freedom today and I am so greatful for NA.
All that makes me feel alot better about the 4th and 5th steps I have comming up.
The meeting was about secrets(the meditations this whole week have been hitting me in the face, day after day) and after a few people shared about thier secrets from thier heart. I started thinging about why was I arrogant. Did I really believe that I was better than everyone there? A light bulb went off. I shared that my arrogance and pride and judgementalness was all ********. It was just a front I used to make me feel like I was worth something. In all actuallity, my secret is that I don't really like myself and I put up that wall of arrogance so that noone can get in b/c I'm afraid that if people saw who I really was, they would feel that same way.
To my supprise, most people told me they could relate to that and I even got some free pizza out of the deal. I realized that my friends in NAalready like me for who I am and there isn't a need to front here like there was out there.
It is no ********, when we reveal our secrets, they do lose thier power over us. I feel so much more freedom today and I am so greatful for NA.
All that makes me feel alot better about the 4th and 5th steps I have comming up.
old enough to know BETTER!!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 396
Originally Posted by Blake
Revalations about my arrogance last night.
I shared that my arrogance and pride and judgementalness was all ********. It was just a front I used to make me feel like I was worth something. In all actuallity, my secret is that I don't really like myself and I put up that wall of arrogance so that noone can get in b/c I'm afraid that if people saw who I really was, they would feel that same way.
I shared that my arrogance and pride and judgementalness was all ********. It was just a front I used to make me feel like I was worth something. In all actuallity, my secret is that I don't really like myself and I put up that wall of arrogance so that noone can get in b/c I'm afraid that if people saw who I really was, they would feel that same way.
I do believe that our addictions are of the same result! We drink and drug because we think we'd be a lot more fun ..... and people might like us better! Even WE like ourselves better! The truth is we turn to these substances to make us feel better about ourselves because we suffer from either lack of self-esteem, confidence, even loving ourselves! We think we can be the life of the party .... but ONLY if we drink or drug .... or both! NO .... we're not the life of the part ..... we're just drunks! It gives us a false sense of SELF ..... it's the the REAL us talking but the damn BOOZE/drugs! In reality the rest of the folks who aren't drinking think we're idiots ..... and THEY can remember what we've said and done; however, the following morning, WE DON'T!
So, if you have discovered the reason behind your *arrogance* at least you know why and can correct it. Just like any other part of our personality that causes us depression or dislike of ourselves ..... recognizing it is the FIRST STEP! You've done that and you've shared it with a group of people! GOOD FOR YOU! Things can only get better from now on!
BE PROUD OF YOURSELF! I am!
And heck .... just think ..... you got free pizza after revealing yourself (not literally, of course .... lmao) .... sorry, humor gets me through many a day!
Much love,
Maria
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Blake,
I don't know how I missed this thread on other days, but tonite when I saw the title I thought, 'Hmm, I wonder if he's talking about me?' (I'm also self-centered you know).
It's odd how 2 or more addicts can be going through the same struggles, even when they are miles apart. Some even the world apart.
I have been struggling with ego, arrogance, self-righteousness, and a few other choice defects that I haven't been able to figure out a name for yet. Coming to realize that they stem from that same self-centered fear that you are feeling. I have to keep up that front, because that's what people expect from me. (that's what my disease thinks anyway). Instead of applying a program of recovery, I tried to deal with it 'My own way' (that should have been my first red light). And OVER-acted on these defects, now there are a few people who REALLY don't like me anymore.
Today, in an innocent conversation with one of my sponsees, she asked "How does it feel that there are people who are starting to not like you?" OUCH!! She has no idea how that simple question rocked my little world. It made me stop and think.
Thank you for this thread, and the opportunity to read the responses you recieved. I really needed to hear this stuff.
I don't know how I missed this thread on other days, but tonite when I saw the title I thought, 'Hmm, I wonder if he's talking about me?' (I'm also self-centered you know).
It's odd how 2 or more addicts can be going through the same struggles, even when they are miles apart. Some even the world apart.
I have been struggling with ego, arrogance, self-righteousness, and a few other choice defects that I haven't been able to figure out a name for yet. Coming to realize that they stem from that same self-centered fear that you are feeling. I have to keep up that front, because that's what people expect from me. (that's what my disease thinks anyway). Instead of applying a program of recovery, I tried to deal with it 'My own way' (that should have been my first red light). And OVER-acted on these defects, now there are a few people who REALLY don't like me anymore.
Today, in an innocent conversation with one of my sponsees, she asked "How does it feel that there are people who are starting to not like you?" OUCH!! She has no idea how that simple question rocked my little world. It made me stop and think.
Thank you for this thread, and the opportunity to read the responses you recieved. I really needed to hear this stuff.
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