BONNIE JEAN

My 23 year old son died in a car accident on 2/27/05, he died right away, which I am thankful for. I felt I needed to go back to work after 2 weeks, I felt quilty for not being there, I am a manager of a bank. It has been so difficult to make it through my days and the concentration is not there, I am in a fog most of the time. My staff and co-workers are very uncomfortable, they are pretending that nothing has happen. I feel that this has only posponed my grief. I really hate being there right now. But I also don't want to let anyone down. I feel that I am not doing a good job either, I only do what I can to get by, and watch the clock to leave. The worse thing of all is the aniety attacks that I am getting, they seem to come out of no where. My doctor had given me Ativan to get through the funeral, which really did help. I have been using them now for the aniety attacks, and they work pretty good. But because my son was an attack I am very fearful and am afraid that they are preventing me from grieving. Of it may be my job that is doing that. It has really just been this week that I believe the shock is wearing off, and I am really feeling the loss and pain. My boss has been the worse, he really pretends nothing has happened, he never ask me about or even show concern on how I am doing. Part of the problem is he has no children, so my loss is far from any thing he can image. It is so important to me to get through this and be OK. I am not sure what is the best thing to do right now. I am seeing my family doctor today, and I want to ask the right questions.
thanks Bonnie Jean

pedagogue

First off, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I think it is important that you find an outlet where you can speak openly about your grief, concerns, etc. Many times people have multiple outlets....depending on what they feel comfortable discussing. Many times people can go to family members, friends, etc. Losing a son/daughter is an especially traumatic event, and I have always felt speaking to a professional (grief counselor, psychologist, etc) or clergy (if applicable) is beneficial. One major advantage (outside of their professional training), is that they ARE an outsider. They can be honest, and provide a different perspective.

As for work....people react differently, so take each piece of advice with a grain of salt. Personally I would want to acknowledge the uncomfortable environment, and try and get everyone on the same page. This is a very common problem because people don't know HOW they should react...so instead of addressing the elephant in the corner, they ignore it. Please understand that their failure to speak about it doesn't mean they don't care...they just don't know how to react.

As an aside...(and this is my PERSONAL opinion, not my MEDICAL opinion), I understand that the Antivan is a short-term solution to a longer term problem. Eventually you will have to work though your feelings, emotions, etc, without the numbing effect of the Antivan. Everyone's greiving experience is different. It is more important that you go through the process at your own pace.

-pedagogue

BONNIE JEAN

Thank you for your help & support, I will look for outside help as you suggested.

HockeyMom

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - And, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning ~


May God continue to give you peace and reassurance in the very difficult days to come. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

cwohio

(((bonnie jean))) just wanted to say i am sorry for your loss and i pray that you shall begin to heal!

Cutty

Bonnie Jean.....you hang in there! I lost my daughter in a car accident in June of 2002. I can't believe it will soon be three years! I remember when I was like you....I also went back to work after two weeks. It actually helped because it gave me something to focus on everyday other than my misery. Sometimes it was hard to get through the workday, but I knew it would be worse if I were at home with time on my hands. Everybody has to deal with grief in their own way.....I'm glad you found this forum as a place to talk about your feelings. I remember when I would mention my daughter at work.......in general people would run because it made them uncomfortable...they didn't know what to say. It was hard to talk to anybody. All I can tell you for absolute sure is that it does get better. Take it one day at a time and if you feel like crying....do. Try to remember positive things and eventually that is all you will remember. Just don't expect it to happen over night. Now when I think of her I remember something funny she said, or that silly grin she'd give me when she was in trouble...... thinking of her makes me smile now....I miss her terribly, but I thank God for allowing me to have her in my life for 21 years. Take care and know that you're not alone!

KelKel

(((Bonnie Jean)))
My heart goes out to you and the horrible loss you have suffered.
I hope you will feel comfortable here, you are not alone.
There are alot of beautiful and supportive folks around here.