I do not know if I need help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: AL
Posts: 12
I do not know if I need help.
If you had told me I would be writing this 10 months ago, I would have said you were crazy. I am a 20 year old college student and sales associate. I am in a leadership position in church and had never even touched alochohol until about a year ago.
The situation is this, I have one friend who knows me, truly knows me. about 4 months ago she introduced me to Meth. We stayed up all night and just talked and had a great time. I didn't think much about it. we did that again about a month later, then started to do it about every other week or so. I asked her how often she did this and she said that she did it about every day.
That worried me and I asked her if she was addicted. she said "No way! I could quit anytime I wanted to."
I wasn't sure whether or not to believe her. I had heard it was a highly addictive and was a bit worried. I know you all will think me stupid, naive and arrogant, but I thought, "I will see how hard it is to break. I am strong enough to get past anything."
I asked for enough to keep around the house and ended up doing about a gram and a half in a week to a week and a half. This continued for about 4 weeks. Then I just quit. For about four days that is. I had shakes and cravings then they just quit. I thought "Well that wasn't so bad. I guess she was telling the truth."
at the end of the four days I was offered more and I took it thinking. "it wasn't hard to stop, I will just stop it again later." Well I haven't and it has been about a month and a half since I "stopped" the first time. I have about a gram and a half in my cabinet and feel like I just woke up if I don't smoke some before leaving the house.
I can't fall back in school. I can't be down at my job. I can't act depressed in front of all those people I know, who never in their wildest dreams would even believe it if they heard I sipped a beer. I don't want to go to a clinic or get that kind of help. I think I can stop, but I don't have the time alone to crash. I don't know if I am addicted, or how much use consitutes for addiction and I do not want to have something beat me. I have never been weak and even writing this seems weak to me.
I may be overreacting and some of you may be chuckling, knowing that I am not in near as much trouble as I worry I am. Or you may think this is serious. I don't know. I have never messed with stuff like this before. I just want some insight. Or advice. I can't tell anyone I know, because they wouldn't know the person that they would be talking to.
The situation is this, I have one friend who knows me, truly knows me. about 4 months ago she introduced me to Meth. We stayed up all night and just talked and had a great time. I didn't think much about it. we did that again about a month later, then started to do it about every other week or so. I asked her how often she did this and she said that she did it about every day.
That worried me and I asked her if she was addicted. she said "No way! I could quit anytime I wanted to."
I wasn't sure whether or not to believe her. I had heard it was a highly addictive and was a bit worried. I know you all will think me stupid, naive and arrogant, but I thought, "I will see how hard it is to break. I am strong enough to get past anything."
I asked for enough to keep around the house and ended up doing about a gram and a half in a week to a week and a half. This continued for about 4 weeks. Then I just quit. For about four days that is. I had shakes and cravings then they just quit. I thought "Well that wasn't so bad. I guess she was telling the truth."
at the end of the four days I was offered more and I took it thinking. "it wasn't hard to stop, I will just stop it again later." Well I haven't and it has been about a month and a half since I "stopped" the first time. I have about a gram and a half in my cabinet and feel like I just woke up if I don't smoke some before leaving the house.
I can't fall back in school. I can't be down at my job. I can't act depressed in front of all those people I know, who never in their wildest dreams would even believe it if they heard I sipped a beer. I don't want to go to a clinic or get that kind of help. I think I can stop, but I don't have the time alone to crash. I don't know if I am addicted, or how much use consitutes for addiction and I do not want to have something beat me. I have never been weak and even writing this seems weak to me.
I may be overreacting and some of you may be chuckling, knowing that I am not in near as much trouble as I worry I am. Or you may think this is serious. I don't know. I have never messed with stuff like this before. I just want some insight. Or advice. I can't tell anyone I know, because they wouldn't know the person that they would be talking to.
Last edited by LordRahl; 03-27-2005 at 02:39 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 152
Hi There
I'm afraid I know nothing about Meth. but I'm certainly not chuckling about what you've posted. If you didn't have a problem you wouldn't br driven to be here, like all of us.
Maybe someone else can advise you before you get in too deep, I understand you don't want anyone to know , so could you go to your GP or a meeting of NA and talk to someone there?
This is scary stuff - don't mess with it. Maybe next time it won't be so easy to quit. Why did you need to have it in the house anyway?
I wish you strength and courage. There are great, knowledgeable oeople on these forums, it's just quiet toonight. Hang on to see what they say in a day oe so.
Love
Sophia
I'm afraid I know nothing about Meth. but I'm certainly not chuckling about what you've posted. If you didn't have a problem you wouldn't br driven to be here, like all of us.
Maybe someone else can advise you before you get in too deep, I understand you don't want anyone to know , so could you go to your GP or a meeting of NA and talk to someone there?
This is scary stuff - don't mess with it. Maybe next time it won't be so easy to quit. Why did you need to have it in the house anyway?
I wish you strength and courage. There are great, knowledgeable oeople on these forums, it's just quiet toonight. Hang on to see what they say in a day oe so.
Love
Sophia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: AL
Posts: 12
Thats the only place I would do it, or hers. Like I said I know it wasn't smart, but I wanted to know exactly how she felt and if she really could drop it. I never knew it can grab you like that. I had imagined it was more a situation that makes addiction so bad. Like a depressive time in life and then a drug. I am not sure If I am saying all this in a way that is understandable haha
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Hi LordRahl, and welcome.
I think I understand you. What comes first type thing... Depression or addiction.
From my experience, depression certainly isn't a requirement to get hooked on a substance. OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, and more broadly the disease of addiction however, figured largely for many of us.
Depression was an after the fact thing for me, and only after several years of drug and alcohol abuse.
Trying to understand how your friend's mind works, in the way you did, was a dangerous proposition. I have very little experience with meth, luckily.
But I've seen people transformed by it's abuse. Some over the period of years, others, months. One man I know described it as the most intense seduction of his life.
Advice?
Dump it.
The uncomfortable withdrawal you experienced the first time is insignificant.
It does not represent what may happen to you.
Not one bit.
Glad you're here, seeking a solution.
I think I understand you. What comes first type thing... Depression or addiction.
From my experience, depression certainly isn't a requirement to get hooked on a substance. OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, and more broadly the disease of addiction however, figured largely for many of us.
Depression was an after the fact thing for me, and only after several years of drug and alcohol abuse.
Trying to understand how your friend's mind works, in the way you did, was a dangerous proposition. I have very little experience with meth, luckily.
But I've seen people transformed by it's abuse. Some over the period of years, others, months. One man I know described it as the most intense seduction of his life.
Advice?
Dump it.
The uncomfortable withdrawal you experienced the first time is insignificant.
It does not represent what may happen to you.
Not one bit.
Glad you're here, seeking a solution.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi LordRahl, and welcome to SR. No one is going to laugh or think your problem is not big enough. You've come to the right place to talk to people who understand, and we do. You're right to be concerned, but don't despair because there are solutions to your problem. How do you feel about getting rid of your stash? Maybe the idea of doing that fills you with panic, but you may find it will prey on your mind less if it's not right there with you. Support is really important in trying to overcome addiction, and the way that worked for me was by attending meetings at Narcotics Anonymous with other recovering addicts from all walks of life who used all kinds of drugs. It's really of tremendous value to have that face to face support and it helped me when I'd tried and failed alone - I've been clean for 20 months now.
Come back, post often, talk to us about how you're feeling. What you say makes perfect sense to us and we'll help any way we can. We also have online meetings here if you'd care to attend. You can find the schedule on the the chat forum. Also, if you think you'd like to give meetings a try we can help you find them.
Welcome again, and hugs!
Come back, post often, talk to us about how you're feeling. What you say makes perfect sense to us and we'll help any way we can. We also have online meetings here if you'd care to attend. You can find the schedule on the the chat forum. Also, if you think you'd like to give meetings a try we can help you find them.
Welcome again, and hugs!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
LordtRahl,welcome to SoberRecovery.No one is chuckling.Meth is some bad ****,and sooner or later it will ruin your life and maybe even kill you.I recommend trying some NA meetings.In the meantime here is a Website you might wanna look at. http://methnews.com/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: AL
Posts: 12
Thanks for the posts so far. It is certainly awkward to be asking for help or answers rather than giving them. to know that there are people out there who would even take a couple of minutes out of their lives to write some sentences is encouragment in itself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 468
Hi LordRahl,
Welcome to SR.
We're not laughing, beleive me.
your post reminded me of something i learned from the NA basic text, and through others sharing at meetings.
that is, that we didnt think we had a problem UNTILL the drugs ran out. I remember feeling that many many times.
Addiction has destroyed many many strong people -
It isnt something that i can battle with my will. Addiction brought me to my knees. I finally admitted that i was powerless. I stayed on my knees... Started to work the steps, a spiritual program.
If you want to understand the nature of addiction, and the steps towards recovery, i recommend attending a few NA and AA meetings. Get and read copies of the big book of AA, and the NA basic text. because of the willingness of addicts and alcoholics to help me recover, i am recovering!
God Bless,
Aaron
Welcome to SR.
We're not laughing, beleive me.
your post reminded me of something i learned from the NA basic text, and through others sharing at meetings.
that is, that we didnt think we had a problem UNTILL the drugs ran out. I remember feeling that many many times.
Addiction has destroyed many many strong people -
It isnt something that i can battle with my will. Addiction brought me to my knees. I finally admitted that i was powerless. I stayed on my knees... Started to work the steps, a spiritual program.
If you want to understand the nature of addiction, and the steps towards recovery, i recommend attending a few NA and AA meetings. Get and read copies of the big book of AA, and the NA basic text. because of the willingness of addicts and alcoholics to help me recover, i am recovering!
God Bless,
Aaron
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: AL
Posts: 12
What about weening myself off? Would that avoid the crash and allow the stop to be smoother? Or am I kidding myself?
I can't let my friend know that I have a problem or she will never believe herself to be strong enough to stop. She looks up to me and If I can do it alone, I know she will have faith in herself to do it also.
I can't let my friend know that I have a problem or she will never believe herself to be strong enough to stop. She looks up to me and If I can do it alone, I know she will have faith in herself to do it also.
Late stage optimist
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 306
The disease of addiction is progressive and insideous
The disease of addiction is progressive and insideous. You don't realize how bad things are getting until they get pretty bad.
The other problem with addiction (of any kind)? Denial. You know what "DENIAL" stands for? "Don't Even Know I Am Lying" (to myself as well as others). As in "this isn't so bad, I don't have a problem quitting..."
Knowing this, you can assess your chances of arresting the progession of downward spiraling that is already occurring with your use of Meth. If I told you there is a strong correlation between meth use and latent incidence of certain mental health disorders such as schizophrenia, would that concern you?
The progressive nature of addiction makes withdrawal progressively more severe the longer you use your drug of choice. Whether it is cigarettes or meth or horse. Therefore, the earlier you quit using meth, the less severe your withdrawal will be, and thus the easier it will be to stop for good.
:help1
The other problem with addiction (of any kind)? Denial. You know what "DENIAL" stands for? "Don't Even Know I Am Lying" (to myself as well as others). As in "this isn't so bad, I don't have a problem quitting..."
Knowing this, you can assess your chances of arresting the progession of downward spiraling that is already occurring with your use of Meth. If I told you there is a strong correlation between meth use and latent incidence of certain mental health disorders such as schizophrenia, would that concern you?
The progressive nature of addiction makes withdrawal progressively more severe the longer you use your drug of choice. Whether it is cigarettes or meth or horse. Therefore, the earlier you quit using meth, the less severe your withdrawal will be, and thus the easier it will be to stop for good.
:help1
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Sorry,I disagree with both of those.Weening yourself off will just make it harder and also says your not done.If you are done,detox and get it over with.Meth is very highly addictiveThe longer you prolong this the harder this will be.You are very young and have your whole life in front of you.I hope you dont waste it with drugs or alcohol.As for your friend,you might not see this like I do right now.But,she introduced you to meth.Right? Im not sure if this is the kind of friend I would want.A friend who introduced you into a highly addictive and dangerous drug that will do nothing but destroy your life? As for recovery,most people cannot do it alone.I know I cant.Thats why I go to meetings,thats why I come here to SoberRecovery.This may sound selfish,but I dont come to this site for you or anyone else.I come here for me.I come here for the support I get from other people recovering from drugs and alcohol.If you could do this alone you wouldnt be here would you? Right now you really need to make a desision.Are you really done with Meth? Do you want to get off and live a good life before its too late and you destroy it? Right now this isnt about your friend,its about you.What your friend thinks doesnt matter.If you beleive you have a problem and need help and you really consider this person a friend I would be honest and tell her you have a problem and need help.Hopefully you can both seek help together.Go to Some NA meetings together.If your friend isnt done and has no intentions on quitting odds are your friendship will not work if you want to get and stay clean.
I'm an addict.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DROP THAT ****!!!!!!!!
For me, Addiction is like a light switch in my brain. When I first started useing (the light switch was OFF) I could do a half assed job at being a "recreational" user. After a while I was trying to convince my self that people "recreationally" got loaded everyday so that I could justify why I was useing everyday. Before I even knew it I had flipped my switch and I was no longer useing b/c I wanted to, I was useing b/c I had to inorder to function. After the switch is flipped, it is on for life and you will be fighting addiction forever. My deffintion of an addict is someone who has lost the ability to control their drug use and who's life has become unmanageable. I think you are teetering VERY close to the edge. Please try to completely stop useing, if you can't, please seek treatment. You said that you can't fall back in school or work and you can't let people know about your problem. Well if you continue to use I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WILL FALL BACK IN SCHOOL, YOU WILL LOOSE YOUR JOB AND THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT WILL WANT TO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Addiction is a progressive disease, it get worse the longer you use, A LOT WORSE. Please get help. Don't worry about what other people think about you, live your life for yourself. I'm sorry if I sound a little overbearing, but I can really see me, in you. I had a respectable place in my buisness community, I was almost done with my B.A. in finance, I even had my own house. I kept on getting loaded till I pissed away all the respect and money and prestige I had earned for myself. I flunked out of school 2 semesters shy of my degree. I think the worst part of it all was that I hurt my family and lost their respect. I hope that you don't have to go through all the pain and loss inorder to recover. I'll be praying for you.
-Blake
P.S. Go to as many NA meetings as you can, you can go check them out with out anyone knowing. NA is the reason I'm clean today.
For me, Addiction is like a light switch in my brain. When I first started useing (the light switch was OFF) I could do a half assed job at being a "recreational" user. After a while I was trying to convince my self that people "recreationally" got loaded everyday so that I could justify why I was useing everyday. Before I even knew it I had flipped my switch and I was no longer useing b/c I wanted to, I was useing b/c I had to inorder to function. After the switch is flipped, it is on for life and you will be fighting addiction forever. My deffintion of an addict is someone who has lost the ability to control their drug use and who's life has become unmanageable. I think you are teetering VERY close to the edge. Please try to completely stop useing, if you can't, please seek treatment. You said that you can't fall back in school or work and you can't let people know about your problem. Well if you continue to use I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WILL FALL BACK IN SCHOOL, YOU WILL LOOSE YOUR JOB AND THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT WILL WANT TO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Addiction is a progressive disease, it get worse the longer you use, A LOT WORSE. Please get help. Don't worry about what other people think about you, live your life for yourself. I'm sorry if I sound a little overbearing, but I can really see me, in you. I had a respectable place in my buisness community, I was almost done with my B.A. in finance, I even had my own house. I kept on getting loaded till I pissed away all the respect and money and prestige I had earned for myself. I flunked out of school 2 semesters shy of my degree. I think the worst part of it all was that I hurt my family and lost their respect. I hope that you don't have to go through all the pain and loss inorder to recover. I'll be praying for you.
-Blake
P.S. Go to as many NA meetings as you can, you can go check them out with out anyone knowing. NA is the reason I'm clean today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Long Island, New York, U.S.A.
Posts: 179
Perhaps you admit you have a problem with drugs, but you don’t consider yourself an addict. All of us have preconceived ideas about what an addict is. There is nothing shameful about being an addict once you begin to take positive action. If you can identify with our problems, you may be able to identify with our solution.
We often say that no one comes through the doors of NA by mistake. Nonaddicted people don’t spend their time wondering if they’re addicts. They don’t even think about it. If you’re wondering whether or not you’re an addict, you might be one.
We often say that no one comes through the doors of NA by mistake. Nonaddicted people don’t spend their time wondering if they’re addicts. They don’t even think about it. If you’re wondering whether or not you’re an addict, you might be one.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Long Island, New York, U.S.A.
Posts: 179
Lord Rahl,
You might get the answer you seek here.....
Informational Pamphlet # 7
Am I an Addict?
This is NA Fellowship-approved literature
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP7.htm
You might get the answer you seek here.....
Informational Pamphlet # 7
Am I an Addict?
This is NA Fellowship-approved literature
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP7.htm
Grateful For His Love...
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: scottsdale arizona
Posts: 59
Addiction is a disease of regrets...Meth is a killer, make no mistake about it. Recovery is possible if you get help. NA meetings can help you stay clean. Why waste away your life using drugs. Choose Life...Choose Recovery...
Progress not perfection
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: California
Posts: 4
Lord Rahl,
I have a 20 year old son that was a lot like you. He had everything, school, church, friends, a job. I say "was" and "had" because he has lost everything, including his family to Meth. He is now homeless, friendless, jobless... all because of Meth. He still believes he can quit any time he wants to. He still believes he doesn't have a problem.
Listen to the advice you are getting here, you are here for a reason. 90% of the families in my Nar Anon group are Christians. You are not alone.
I have a 20 year old son that was a lot like you. He had everything, school, church, friends, a job. I say "was" and "had" because he has lost everything, including his family to Meth. He is now homeless, friendless, jobless... all because of Meth. He still believes he can quit any time he wants to. He still believes he doesn't have a problem.
Listen to the advice you are getting here, you are here for a reason. 90% of the families in my Nar Anon group are Christians. You are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: AL
Posts: 12
Well tonight was the beginning of tomorrow. While sitting with my friend, I told her it was past time and I was not going to wait any longer. I told her that I love her and that I am not giving up on her, but that she and I both had a problem. I asked if she believed that I could stop right then, she said “yes. I believe that if you really wanted to you would”
Tonight I stepped up and took control. I will not back down nor will I divert my path. I have encountered an enemy that had me on the edge before I recognized the assault, but this is the night the battle takes a turn. I have faith in myself and what I stand for. I can climb any mountain that I want and I have the power to control each and every action of my mind, body and spirit. Tonight I looked into my friends’ eyes and said “do you believe that someone can stop a collision at will? Do you believe that if I can take control you can too?” She said yes and with that I threw what was becoming my world as far as I could. With that spinning object rushing through the air the tide turned. I took the first step in taking back the ground I had lost. With tears in her eyes she looked at me and told me she loved me. For the first time I felt as if I was taking back number one in her life and that I was in the same breath becoming what I knew I had always been.
I know that the road is long from ending, and I am aware that there will be barriers trying to stop my progression towards success. Let them come. Let them try. I will tear them down, climb over and roll under. They have no chance. One man knowing his responsibility to himself is stronger than any object desiring his negligence. This is day number one and this is my promise for all others to come. Not to you or to her. This is my promise to myself and for myself. To break, to bend, to even crack is to accept defeat and defeat is not a word I will allow to blemish my life.
I am going to do what I should have done from the beginning. I am getting out of the waters. I am reaching for the shore and pulling myself onto the dry land. But I will not walk away. I am casting out the life line to her. She is coming with me. I can not place her hands around it, but I will be damned if I do not try. To tell a friend that they allowed their desire for a substance to blur their awareness of love for you, is a hard task. One most will never accept.
She did.
I thank you all for the advice. I take it to heart and it has steeled my resolve. I am amazed at people who care enough to protest my actions. And more so amazed that they are those I have never met. I consider myself lucky that I have reached for hope before I was reaching from rock bottom. To anyone who has found him or herself there and has risen up, I salute you. I am encouraged and am in awe. To have the strength to rise from the ashes of destruction and recreate a life lost is amazing and inspiring.
I thought myself weak to admit a problem. I have found that the weak are those who look past self and only see the images they paint for others. I am sure some will doubt my sincerity and say that I am looking to far to fast. I do not care. I know myself and have looked deep and seen what I needed to see in order to achieve. I thank you all. I know that I am no where near the maturity and understanding of most of you, but I will do my best to give back what I can for what has been given me. It may seem like little to nothing, but many of the most important gifts are given without the knowledge of their true worth.
Tonight I stepped up and took control. I will not back down nor will I divert my path. I have encountered an enemy that had me on the edge before I recognized the assault, but this is the night the battle takes a turn. I have faith in myself and what I stand for. I can climb any mountain that I want and I have the power to control each and every action of my mind, body and spirit. Tonight I looked into my friends’ eyes and said “do you believe that someone can stop a collision at will? Do you believe that if I can take control you can too?” She said yes and with that I threw what was becoming my world as far as I could. With that spinning object rushing through the air the tide turned. I took the first step in taking back the ground I had lost. With tears in her eyes she looked at me and told me she loved me. For the first time I felt as if I was taking back number one in her life and that I was in the same breath becoming what I knew I had always been.
I know that the road is long from ending, and I am aware that there will be barriers trying to stop my progression towards success. Let them come. Let them try. I will tear them down, climb over and roll under. They have no chance. One man knowing his responsibility to himself is stronger than any object desiring his negligence. This is day number one and this is my promise for all others to come. Not to you or to her. This is my promise to myself and for myself. To break, to bend, to even crack is to accept defeat and defeat is not a word I will allow to blemish my life.
I am going to do what I should have done from the beginning. I am getting out of the waters. I am reaching for the shore and pulling myself onto the dry land. But I will not walk away. I am casting out the life line to her. She is coming with me. I can not place her hands around it, but I will be damned if I do not try. To tell a friend that they allowed their desire for a substance to blur their awareness of love for you, is a hard task. One most will never accept.
She did.
I thank you all for the advice. I take it to heart and it has steeled my resolve. I am amazed at people who care enough to protest my actions. And more so amazed that they are those I have never met. I consider myself lucky that I have reached for hope before I was reaching from rock bottom. To anyone who has found him or herself there and has risen up, I salute you. I am encouraged and am in awe. To have the strength to rise from the ashes of destruction and recreate a life lost is amazing and inspiring.
I thought myself weak to admit a problem. I have found that the weak are those who look past self and only see the images they paint for others. I am sure some will doubt my sincerity and say that I am looking to far to fast. I do not care. I know myself and have looked deep and seen what I needed to see in order to achieve. I thank you all. I know that I am no where near the maturity and understanding of most of you, but I will do my best to give back what I can for what has been given me. It may seem like little to nothing, but many of the most important gifts are given without the knowledge of their true worth.
Late stage optimist
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 306
It is not a bad thing to admit you have a weakness. Part of the disease of addiction (from anything) is the overwhelming sense of worthlessness that can become very painful. No need to try to convince people that you are "strong". Convincing yourself you can do it alone may be the anchor that sinks you. If you want to get out of this, best thing is to recognize it is ok to ask for and take help from others.
If your friend needs help, why not take her to a sober recovery support group meeting, with you? Your best beacon to follow is that of "self care" and "to thine own self be true".
If your friend needs help, why not take her to a sober recovery support group meeting, with you? Your best beacon to follow is that of "self care" and "to thine own self be true".
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