tyler

This is the first time I have logged onto this site in a long time. A lot has happened since the first time I found this site. I guess it was really what started me on a very long road to recovery. When I first came across this site over two years ago I thought I was at the end of my rope. But of course the problem wasn't the drugs. I remember getting all pissed off when cranky old Pernell Johnson told me to stop my whining and that I was just another dope fiend. Oh that made me mad, because I just smoked pot. I held a job and made good money. I had a house, car, wife, family, who the hell was he to label me that way. Well lets see...in the two years since then: job-gone, wife-gone, kid-gone, house-gone, money-gone, been to rehab-twice, locked up in the nut house-twice, attempted suicide, I don't think I really need to go on. And yes, I was "just a pot head."

This last time out, something finally clicked. I finally got it. Maybe it really was the pot. Maybe everyone else in the freaking world was right. Maybe I was wrong! I haven't smoked pot since 2/14/05, however I continued to drink. I knew it was wrong and didn't even really like it, but I would still find myself at the bottom of a bottle at the end of the night. There is something about the nighttime that I just can't seem to deal with. Last night I made the decision to stop drinking as well. I went to an NA meeting, didn't share, but did some good listening. I wasn't able to get out tonight, so I'm hanging out here. It's weird, all the stupid sayings that you here in meetings all of a sudden don't seem so stupid anymore. It's not like I haven't heard them all a million times, but it seems like maybe this time I'm really starting to get it.

Anyway, just wanted to put my two cents in. And Pernell, if you are still out there, let me just tell you, you were right, I am just another dope fiend. But I don't want to be anymore and I'm ready to listen. Thank you.

Tyler

lafever chris

I`ts not the destination but the journey. Not how fast i can do the steps, how slow. Being in a hury to do what? Thats the real question. I`ts a life time journey one day at a time. Slow down, enjoy recovery, freedom from active addiction. I pray i never have all the answers, that i remain teachable, and open minded to new ideas. This allows me to change. I was told the only thing i had to change was everything, but i didn`t know how, i had done the stuff i did for so long that it seemed like it would take a nuclear blast of some sort. For me, i had to shatter the allusion that i could ever use succesfully ever again, only then when i had admitted total defeat to myself was i able to surrender. If i`m not the problem then there is no solution.


chris