tryinhard

Second Letter To God


Receiving all the blessings I have received,
All the times it was taken for granted
Never weighing the pleasure against the cost
All the promises to change so often chanted

I have spent my entire adult life
searching for a purpose and a meaning
While at this point and time
I would settle for a life not so demeaning

I mean, how long will I repeat the same things
expecting a different result
it’s the definition of insanity
to Jesus, it’s just an insult

to assume he placed me here
with no more purpose than this
to live life in a cloud
with everything imaginable to miss

is my ego overworking
to think he expects so much more of me
than to simply exist not live
through this life in misery

Misery from always being disappointed
ever thinking of the things I’ve missed
walking through his creation
all the directions known so quickly dismissed

I have told myself time and time again
that I am capable of so much more
that I truly love jesus
and that his creation I adore

but I don’t prove it
I mean actions speak louder than words
I have so many times seen the right path
but yet never went towards

Never went towards a sober life
taking in all that it has to give
never really doing my part
to not exist but truly live


live with thanks every day
for all that I have been given
for all the blessings received
all the misgivings being forgiven

I don’t deserve forgiveness
for to repent means to not repeat the sin
but going back on all those promises
to simply repeat the action again

For this I am truly sorry
maybe this time will be the time
that I truly succeed at living
the way the good lord intended in reason and rhyme

I used to say he didn’t exist
that it was just the imagination of fools
but as I experienced and seen so many blessings
I could never deny this the strongest of tools

For faith and hope of the everlasting
became, for me, a given
but even this did not bridge the gap
in what should be and what I was living

how could I continually disappoint him
always choosing the wrong thing to do
why couldn’t I just do the right thing
for once and see it through

it’s the tale of an addict
unable to make the right choices
I am not making excuses
just being honest and answering the voices

the voices in my head
that tell all the wrong ways to act
am I destined to fail
is my defeat a simple fact

I refuse to give into
this way of thinking
I refuse to react to every obstacle
by taking pills and/or drinking


it’s no life I’ve made for myself
but I have not lost all hope
with strength from above and good friends
I can find other ways to cope

I send this letter to god
because I wrote previously of my doubt
but even as said I didn’t believe in him
he believed in me and that’s what it’s all about..

bobbielee

I can see clearly you put a lot of time into this poem. Thank you for sharing this.

bobbie

cleanandhappy

Thanks for sharing. God is good All the time. you hang in there 30 days will soon be 60days. remember 1 day at a time