someguy

Hi all, Haven't posted in awhile because I relasped after about 13 day's. Just wanted to say that I have been looking at the posts and thank you all for your wisdom and contributions. Hopefully I can get it together this time. I feel like the biggest piece of human waste right now. I relasped because my father-n-law is dying of cancer and they moved him back into the hospital so I helped myself to all his medicine. YOu would think after all this pain and misery I cause I would stop using but nope, selfish old tom keeps on a truckin. Think I sank to a new low this time. say a prayer for me as to I'm still using and don't have insurance until april. I cannot go cold turkey, I have been using diluadid on a daily basis and tried to stop and holy cow, worse than dope to detox from i.m.o. So basically any advice on what to do would help, I can't afford the clinic or suboxone right now, so I'm basically up the creek without a paddle.

Roxann

I'm sorry it's so hard for you right now. Have you tried calling your local hospital to ask if they have any assistance detox programs? I know here in PA they have one. ( maybe because me don't spend as much $$ on Football here in pittsburgh ha ha)

Just keep posting, keep talking and keep trying. You aren't a piece of human waste guy, you are only human. Let us know what's going on.

Cathy31

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling to bad. Roxanne's advice is good there must be some help with people with no insurance til April?

Don't beat yourself up, this can and will get better. Just give it a chance. Try NA - addiction has made us all do unspeakable things - don't beat yourself up about it. just try not taking the first pill and try get some help. Meetings REALLY help.

Keep posting - we're here for you.

Cathy31
x

Gooch

I wasn't able to "get it" whatever the "it" is until I found myself picking back up after having had a run of some clean time. It took me about 3 years of feeling crappy and wandering around wondering before I came in with an understanding that drugs realkly weer never gonna work for me anymore and I was sick and tired of working and living for them.

Welcome back among family. Here's to you finding your "it"

Moontime

Hey bro, in my last "crawl", I won't say a "run" because it I was out for a couple of years I got hooked on diluadid, I had to quit cold turkey. I remember my sponsor saying you need to get off of it and we'll be with you. There was no "let me taper off this drug by taking another drug." There was the group of NA that stood next to me while I detoxed. I'm not saying you should go this route, but there are people out here like myself who kicked it without tapering off on another drug. This is my experience

deadflag

i dont know if this will help at all but i have had to go cold turkey from morphine a few times- so i know that detox from heavy pharmecuticals without detox is possible- just really hard-looking back i remember that i chain smoked- lost most my friends- went to 3 meetings a day and every activity there was even if i was out of it or not sociable or even worse sick- i just kept telling people what i was going through all the time- and i got loads of support- people encouraged me to eat and drink plenty of water-and basically not do anything but come clean-i was virtually babysat at times- it took about 2 months of hell but it can be done and i guess i dont know any other way hope some of this helps- this to shall pass-

WNY Addict

Hi there someguy. Sorry to hear about your father-in-law.

IV Dilaudid was actually my DOC before hitting rock bottom. As for it being worse to kick than "dope"... I couldn't confirm that personally, but an addiction medicine MD I worked with at one time told me that it was just as bad. It's the hardest thing you can get "legally" next to heroin.

Dilaudud was the big-gun that we used for serious trauma victims or painful ortho surgery. Quick pain relief... and a very quick high.

I kicked at home. It wasn't fun, obviously, but I did it.

You can't go cold-turkey you say but the other means are not in the picture. I don't know what to tell you, my man. If you think it's bad now, it's not going to get any better. I'm not here to give advice (as it's not the NA way), so all I can share with you is the fact that it's going to get much worse if you keep on "truckin" the way you are. Cold-turkey isn't a pleasant thing, I know, but once you're over that hurdle you never have to go back to that again.

Similar to what Gooch said, it took me a long time to find my "it". I eventually got tired of chasing the drug... and I knew I was going to end up dead or in jail. I was lucky enough to only get a few "slaps on the wrist" for my past actions, and eventually I learned that drugs weren't my problem... I was my own problem.

My "it" is The Program, my sponsor, my sponcees and anyone else I can help. NA has filled the void in my life that the drugs left behind. Life's never been better... ever. I'd rather die than go back to my old way of "living". I don't say that lightly, either.

Best wishes on finding your means to stop. God Bless.

sariestruggles

Hey someguy,
I too share an opiate addiction and no insurance or $$$. Dilaudid was the first drug I ever abused, and boy did I ever abuse. Since then I moved back and forth between herion and oxys (basically whatever was around). Anyhow, I have detoxed cold turkey many times, and it does really really suck. But it is so worth it!
Now, I have fallen down many times over the years, but always arrive back at the same conclusion - it's gotta stop. I will never stop fighting.
Anyhow, as for the 'waiting for insurnace' to detox - I understand , as I have often wondered if going to an 'in-patient' facility was the right way to get off this junk once and for all. However, sometimes when people (including myself) talk about 'going to detox' it's almost like we are hoping to disown our addictions, and just turn ourselves over to someone else's care who will solve the problem. For example - both my silblings live uo north with "socialized' medicine (both are addicts too) and have been through a number of 'rehab' facilities. Every time they enter a program, they assure our parents that the addiction will end as soon as they get out of rehab. AND IT NEVER DOES. In my opinion it's better to view inpatient treatment as just another resource (like meetings and support groups) that we can use in our struggle to get (and stay) clean, as opposed to a be-all end-all solution to the problem.
Good Luck - you're stronger than you think.

HMAN

I can relate I have hit bottom after bottom. I choose to call them flights of stairs. Well I'm on the bottom of the last flight of stairs. I get 2 days ,10 days, 3hrs, etc....... and still able to convience myself (Lie To My Self) It will be diffrent this time. Using is not working at all. If I can shed any kind of light keep doing what you are doing reaching out. That has prolonged my insanity with this des-ease of my addiction. Your sharing has giving me hope to try this thing again called recovery. Sending Prayers for your Father inlaw.

Stay Clean if it gets to hard you can always PM me.

someguy

Thanks to everyone who responded to my post. I wish i could say I'm over it,but I'm still struggling with this crap. My poor family is witnessing something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. The one thing I can say is that in my own body and soul for once I know I have really hit my bottom. With that said now I just have to figure out what to do. I have an excuse for everything, but I just started a really great job about a month ago and I cannot tell them I need a week off to go inpatient, and that leaves me with using just to be able to get up in the morning to go to work. I swear If i didn't have my son I would just blow off my &^%&^/. Well thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and hopefully I can come on this board and say I have one day clean. Peace.

sariestruggles

Hey someguy,
It'll be great to hear your success story, but keep posting regardless. So many of the things you say ring so true in my own sad existance...
I'm sure you're son is glad to have you around...