tasmin

hi guys,

just wondering if any of you have giving up a hobbie that you loved since getting ptsd?

since the crash last year, i have stopped doing much of anything...but my 2 passions were singing and writing...and i've stopped both, except for whenever i write here or in the alano chat/acoa forum.

any of you guys experience this?

tasmin

Morning Glory

The main thing I've given up is people.

Socializing is very hard for me. It feels like too much work. I used to be very social with lots of people around.

My thoughts race so much that it feels like people are interrupting when they talk to me, lol.

I love socializing in a work environment when I'm already there, but don't make me get up and go anywhere when I'm home. I've always stayed home where it's safe to deal with my PTSD.

I also have a lot of trouble posting here sometimes and go through my quiet moods. It's hard to concentrate.

Hugs

janetleigh78

I've stopped having close friends, socializing, dancing, skating, golf, motorcycles, and walking. I get excited about something and by the time that it starts, something goes wrong that ruins the mood or I just can't get myself into it. Other times, I can't get excited about it at all. Its like my focus ability and pleasurability are sort of out of whack.
Here's my theory. Its hard to find my center of relaxation. I can't imagine that one can build much of anything else upon such a crumbled foundation. If you're tense, you can't enjoy, if you're scared you can't open up to others, and if you can't tun out the static in your head then how can you focus on any skilled or detailed project. Example, in off road motorcycling, you kind of need this weird ZONE thats sort of ultra focused/detailed but completely NOT focused in some sort of Zen state. W/o it you second guess your speed, angle and ability and you crash or feel out of control so you end up over working your muscles. Like trying too hard. Which takes the free and open feeling that I had there away. So I get to where I think "why bother b/c it just makes me more stressed rather than less stressed like it used to."

2 hopeful things: I have learned some great focused breathing exercises that help when done a couple times a day (like when you wake & just before bed). HUGE difference!! And recently (last summer) I started running on an elliptical runner at my college's gym as opposed to my outdoor walks. (Couldn't go walking at night, near cars, near dogs, random terrain where I might trip anymore... too unpredictable). On the machine I can focus on my breathing and keeping fluid body movements rather than actual thoughts about life.

The exercises are helping me relax a lot and keeping me in shape so I can balance my MIND BODY SPIRIT triangle. If you can work on your body at the same time as you work on this spirit & mind problem, I'm told it works wonders for all around health. Things are in some ways starting to look up (like I'm actually IN college with a 4.0 and haven't dropped out again!) and its just one step toward a future.

vanhoutte37

I am a hermit. All I do is sit at home. I am so scared that I do not even drive. Most of my hobbies are here at home. I do love to garden it is very relaxing. Anything to do with the nature of the world. I can be outside in a field or in the woods but around people. No not for me. I try to be social but it just seems to make people feel upset or uneasy. If you are not careful you could become like alot of us and PTSD will consume your whole world. Do not let this happen to yourself. Get help now while it is still early. Do not wait, the longer you wait the harder and more impossible it is to get it to go away. I hope you are seeing a doc or something for it. Some people don't but it is the best method if you can't do it on your own. " Most people can't, do not feel bad if you can't do it by yourself". I am glad you trying to reach out for help. Tell your doc about these issues and go from there. God Bless, Jamie

tasmin

hi guys,

i just realised this recently....its like i have been away for 11 months and the light is slowly coming back on.

singing is something i did every day, i'd sing in the car,the house, the bath...you name it and thats where i' be singing...but after the crash in dec 2004 i didnt sing...matter of fact i didnt do much of anything....but i did try.

i'm in theraphy for this.
i go to college twice a week,which i struggle with....other than that i am at home.

the only hobbie i have at the moment is sitting here at my laptop.

as i said in the last 2 months things are better...i started taking fish iols for the lack of concentration and it seems to be working.

another thing i noticed is that i NEED to eat propperly,especially in the morning, otherwise my system just slumps and i'm not able for anything.

i think part of me is greiving for the lost year, i keep trying to think of things i hear ppl talking about, that i just cant remember....its like i've been asleep for the last year.

its crazy to think that a car crash could cause me to be like this, its not like i was badly injured or anything....as you can see i have a hard time reconsiling myself to this.

do any of you force yourself to do things? or is that a bad idea?

i'm kinda doing that with my college courses at the moment...some days i get ther, others i dont.

i'm even thinking i'm not able to go 2moro night and 2moro isnt even here yet.

sometimes i feel like i'm soul-less....like an empty shell, with nothing inside.

anyway, enough of me thinking negitive,

all the best,

tasmin

tasmin

posted same post twice,

Don W

Hi tasmin, In the past I've also given up people and things I enjoyed. In recovery I've found much of this was because I didn't think I deserved to be happy. This was rally a problem if people were being nice to me. Sort of like, Hey, if they aren't going to punish me, then I'll punish myself. This ranged from removing myself from my children's and familier's lives, sabotaging my recovery by drinking when good things happened or worse, I started to like myself. Have you ever felt more normal having someone tell you they hate you, or being scolded? I'm getting better but, still have an issue with compliments. Just the other day, I got my evaluation at work. They were telling me how great a worker I was and wrote how important I am to the department. I was praying for the phone to ring and wanted to run away. In fact, I had decided to ask them to just tell me my raise and skip all the nice stuff. How can we feel both, we deserve something and we don't. I lived through it but, only remembering what somebody suggested one time. I only have to say, " Thank You" and it ends. In the past I would try to divert the credit to others or find a way to devalue it. I've got to keep looking in the mirror to be sure I am really me. I am making more money and accomplishing more than I ever thought possible. Yet, that dosen't make me happy, it makes me proud but, being sober and a better person each day is making me happy. Being able to talk about lives gains and losses with all of you makes me happy. The bottom line is this. You might not be where I or someone else is today, but, reading your posts I can tell your heading in the direction of recovery. Just don't give up. We walked 5 miles into the woods, we need to walk 5 miles out. Most of all the woods get less dense along the path. Even rays of sunshine appear to light the way. You are all my sunshine. Don W

vanhoutte37

Sometimes its good to push yourself to do things. Sometimes you have too or nothing will get done. However, pushing yourself till your going mad is another. You do not want to push to hard. Or you will just get confused. Talk to your therapist about all this. Thats why she is there. We can be here for support but in the end your therapist is the one who knows best. You can find somethings on this site that will be helpful. But remember that every person is different and every person has there own way of dealing with issues. Hope I have been helpful. Jamie

tasmin

thanks guys,

for replying to this post.

i dont think i dont deserve these things don....its more me not being mentally able to motivate myself at times.

since the crash i do avoid ppl, but thats more because i cant seem to concentrate on what they are saying....its like theres an invisiable glass btw them and me and what they say doesnt seem to reach my ears/brain lol...i know thats a funnny way to discribe what i mean, but thats how it feels.

i am on a program of acoa 12 steps, i would be totally lost without these....giving that loads of my past has came up since the crash, as someone else put it....." like someone put a tiny hole in a dam and everythng is just coming out.

but i am trying to deal with them one day at a time.

all the best,
tasmin

Morning Glory

I know that invisible glass tasmin. I also always felt like I was about 2 feet off the ground behind that glass. Anxiety can sure play tricks on us. Motivation is a big problem for me too. Listening to people is very hard. I tend to go off in my day dream and miss half of what they've said.

I just think there is too much activity in our brains. Kind of like a short in the electrical wires.

One day at a time.

InvisibleNobody

After reading all of these posts here, I'm reminded of my own life. It's like I'm seeing mirror images of my own life. The only difference is the clothes (situations that caused the PTSD) that everyone is wearing.

But now I understand a little bit more about my life. And since I have come a long way to get.....and already know I have a long way still to go......I at least know what kind of path it is. And what possible paths that I need to follow to "get out of the woods".

So, thanks. I really appreciate it.

stonetree

I have stopped everything that I did before.

I cant concentrate so I cant do things that require concentration.
And the anxiety prevents me from doing the other things that dont require concentration.

Its hard to get out and do things, and the thing is that when I push myself it gets worse. People say it gets better if one is busy, but it isnt true. Its so hard to do things, and it doesnt help my mood.

Socializing is hard too. Ive lost all my friends because I have been isolating myself. Anxiety does that. And the feeling that nobody understands me and that Im different from the rest of the world due to my flashbacks and pains.

InvisibleNobody

I agree. It isn't better if one is busy. It just seems to prolong the suffering.

I too find it hard to be with my friends. I feel that if I isolate myself, then I won't get hurt. And I won't hurt them. But that seems to make it worse for me. So, I tend to "force" myself to see my friends. Or at the very least, talk to them. Either by phone, email, or IMs. And every so often, I "force" myself to see them. Get back in touch with them.

It seems to work a little. But only a little.

I'm still trying to figure out how to minimize the anxiety and learn from it so I can live my life again.

Don W

I just thought of something I loved I gave up because of PTSD. Drinking alcohol.
Out of all the things PTDS helped ruin that is the best. You see? Perspective changes most everything. Don W

gforce

Wow, you folks are a real eye opener. I had never been able to put into words fully what or how or why I feel the way I do until this last time in the recovery center. I have to say that I have all but given up everytihing, including the drugs and alcohol that were my best friends. During the late stage of my addiction I had truly wiped out any social contact and would even call and have my drugs and alcohol delivered to the house so that I did not have to go out in public to get it. Talk about enablers....
Yesterday made 7 months in recovery and I still have trouble even leaving my home. I cannot stand the thought of having to go into public and would rather take a beating than have to do so. My few friends have no level of comprehension of why I feel the way I do. They do not understand that the people walking down the street are thinking all sorts of horrible things about me and I can feel and sometimes hear their thoughts. The people driving by in cars are looking and laughing, and on and on and on. For the first three months out of the hospital I literally had to force myself out of the house just to attend meetings. It was three months before I would even consider taking a job, for fear that I could not show up in a routine manner. Now I am somewhat better with it, at least I know it is there and I know what is causing this irrational thought process and behaviour, now it is strictly maintenance. Trying with all of my heart and soul to tame the demons within that consistently try to tear me down and return me to my past. My therapist ahs worked with me on "Thought Stopping" or "Thought Validation" where I must stop or difuse irrational thoughts before they get a totally firm grasp on me. Sometimes it works and then somtimes I wrestle with things for weeks just trying to quell their horrible effects.

Yes, my life has been filled with exactly what everyone above describes, the loneliness, solitude, and misery of fighting this very foe. I routinely take my meds, which have helped to somewhat control or at least give me a hand at trying to maintain some level of functionality. I still cannot drive, for being paranoid, dating, or relationships have all been for naught, new friendships....forget it. I do not even want to meet anyone new. All I can do is to continue working my program, taking my meds, praying, staying clean and sober, and hope beyond hope that there is a new plateau out there that we will reach someday through extensive interventional therapy.

Hang in there....and don't let the demons win. Good Luck!!

Karl

I feel I've lost ambition and confidence in myself as a musician. I have also lost any interest in socializing.

Karl

indigo

My answer for the moment is......"what'z doing things"