chrys

I am a 41 yo woman. I am grateful to be sober for 2 and 1/2 years. I know I have much to be grateful for. For some time now a growing black cloud has been forming inside of me. I think I'm beginning to understand the experience of spiritual bankruptcy. Life seems to have lost it's meaning. For the first time in my life (really) I am questioning about the reality of a Higher Power or an afterlife. I was raised Catholic but not attending (really long story- isn't it always). At times I have strong fears of dying. I can step back and see that I haven't always felt these ways, but right now I can't seem to really feel any differently.

Can anyone relate?

CAPTAINZING2000

I Was A Scared Of Living Not Dying. Living Years On Booze And Drugs. Most All Of Us Come In Here With Little In Our Bank Account First National Bank Of God. Good Thing He Gives Out Long Term Loans.
I'm Grateful For The Second Chance God Has Given Me. I Call This A Gift. About 2and A Half Years Into My Sobriety I Started Taking The God Thing A Little More Serious. People Can Get Sober And Stay Sober W/o God. I Tried To Live W/o God In My Life And All I Did Was Mess Up.
Now, That God Is Driving Life Is Good. So Much Better Then Being Dead Inside Like I Was Before. Aa Has Me Caring About My Fellow Humans. I Din't Care About Anyone B 4 It Was Me First. Do Unto Others, Prety Good Thing That 12th Step

Btw, Welcome Again To The Site

Chris

Live

How about a physical check up with your doctor?

ChrisMan

Chrys,

You used the term "Dark Night of the Soul." Since you said you were raised Catholic, you probably know that is a term used by St. John of the Cross. Many spiritual people go through what you are going through.

I can certainly relate, and I feel that, in the process of recovery, I had to "re-learn" how to be a believer. God doesn't change, but I changed. So I had to rediscover God in a new way (without sacrificing any of my religion's core beliefs, of course). By this I mean that now my spirituality is very much centered on the 12 Steps, whereas before it centered more or less on a traditional spirituality that seemed not to take addiction into consideration.

For a time I felt like you do now, but it was a time of transition. Now I feel closer to God than ever before.

ChrisMan

chrys

I appreciated the responses to my first post. I would welcome all thoughts and for now I need to listen. It is already good to know that others have felt the same.

Anna

Hi Chrys,

What came to my mind reading your post is I wonder if you might be depressed? Have you considered that and maybe talking to your dr about it? Sometimes depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and needs to be treated. For me, that's the case. I wish you well.

Love, Anna