thanx2methodone

I was just reading some posts at SR (like i always do before i go to bed), and then my phone rings!! It's 3 in the morning so i scambled real fast to get it. And guess who it was??----MY DEALER!!! Who I haven't talked to in 5 MONTHS!! (That's how long i've been clean for.)
He wanted to know what happened to me. (OMG I'm shaking right now!) He wanted to know why i haven't called him in months. I didn't know what to say..the sound of his voice made my heart drop!! All I said was "I don't do that sh&% anymore." and he was like "really...well if ya know anyone remeber my name.."and i just hung up.
(OMG I'm REALLY shaky!)That was about 5 minutes ago....and all though i feel as if i did the right thing by not giving in to temptation, my heart is just pounding!! Why is it pounding?? Why am i shaking? Why do i feel as if i have done something wrong??...it's not like i feel like getting high right now or anything..it's just TOO FAMILIAR!! Just the sound of his voice makes it all come flooding back...(I have a feeling I'm not sleeping tonight.)

Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get this call of my mind? (and stop shaking and feel normal, like i did 7 minutes ago before the bas^%#d called me!!?)
It would be sssooo greatly appreciated--I'm just a wreck I can barley type.....I have been doing so good at avoiding old places, ppl., and things for 5 months---and now this!!-------can someone please help??!!

NOD

Hey thanx,
Forget about it! You did the right thing. You said you didn't use any more. That's a big step. Remember what got you this far. I'm praying for you, stay strong
Jerry

thanx2methodone

Thank you NOD!!
Thank god you're up!! I thought i was all alone on this site!!

Why am i shaking still? I still feel like i did something wrong...or something...I just feel weird...and i don't like it!!

Thanx for reminding me i'm not alone!!

You're a doll

Time2Surrender

Im glad you hung up on him and came here.Hang in there.And if it gets really hard call someone.I have been through the same thing.They call" Havent heard from you in a while". I tell them I am clean.I have even had dealers call offering credit when I was broke.One time I told the guy I was broke and outa gas too,and he even offered a few bucks for gas money.What a pal huh? These are people who make their living from other peoples misery.I would tell the guy not to call back.

NOD

Hey thanx,
Remember one thing--You are NEVER alone. We all struggle with our problems every day. You've just made great strides in your recovery. You made the right decision, AGAIN! You get stronger every day. Put that call out of your mind. Like TTS said hang up on him the next time.
Jerry

thanx2methodone

Thanks guys, just knowing you're here REALLY HELPS!!

You have no idea!! I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

You guys are the BEST!

Time2Surrender

We all help each other.Thats what makes this place so great.I have only been coming here a couple months and all ready feel close to so many people in here I have never even met.I have tried to stay clean and sober on my own many times.It never worked.Making it through waht you went through tonight will only make you that much stronger next time.

Moontime

You did the right thing!! 11th step talks about a poin in our life when we might have to make one of the hardest decisions and it could be the turning point in our life. This maybe your turning point to mo' freedom!! Congrats!! It feels good to have a choice. You had a choice there but your recovery spoke volumns tonight, you chose the right path, way to go!!

tobstah

thanx.... i know the feeling. i get that SAME physical reaction when i run into people from my past.. its so weird. its like i get dizzy and cant concentrate on anything and get all messed up! thank god youre still sober today! keep it up

Gooch

Still a few of the old ghosts that rattle my cage when I bump into them. The physical reaction isn't as severe I guess because I have the practice at telling them if they really want to "catch" up with me I'll have a cup of coffee with them. I was fairly good friends with one of my dealers and rode motorcycles with him, worked with him, and even roomed with him for a while so it still feels odd that we don't have much to say after all we went through together.

I'd go to a meeting and share what was going on and find that I'm not the only one who has or is going to go through it. You survived the call and now you have the experience, strength, and hope to share with another addict who brings up the topic.

Wait til your sitting in a meeting one day and experience the mixed shock of seeing a using partner, dealer, or contact from the old days walk in and you fnd yourself recoiling in horror on the one hand and wondering what you may be able to say or do to help them get and stay clean on the other. The miracle is when the voice of recovery helps you decide how to help without getting caught up and endangering your own recovery.

Moontime

Gooch, that happened to me in my first H & I jail meeting. I walked in there was my dealer, looking at 16 years. Talk about gratitude!

Zain

what helped me the most is my sponser.
I know i can trust her, which for most of us addicts "trust" is something many of us have a hard time in doing. Just knowing I can call anytime day or night has been my saving grace.

You did good! i KNOW how hard that muct have been.

godsonmyside

I go through these things myself. I have run into a few people I've delt to in the past, and now try to help them with there recovery. I let them know the past is in the past and let them know about how recovery is in my life, Oh, I ran into these in meetings detox centers and so forth.
Yesterday I had a little jolt, My wife cleaned where my equipment is when I was out DJing the other night found a pill, didn't know what it was, so I looked, it was an oxycontin, so I asked her to flush it for me, my mind raced for the next 30 minutes, I came back from taking the kids to the bus stop, she hadn't flushed it yet, so I did. We are addicts, its against our nature to not use, we feel these feelings today, it is important to not act on our first instinct, think it through and play the tapes all the way through. Leave it up to God to guide us. Call some one who is doing what we are doing, go to a meeting- dump it there and leave it ther and move on.
You did ok, I think, you talked about it and got it out.
Todd J.