thanx2methodone

Hi everyone..
I need some advice about meetings. I know this is probably stupid, but please bare with me, cause i don't know what to do.

I attened my very first meeting on Thrusday. everything seemed to go really well, i met some great people, exchanged some numbers and left wanting to return.

But my problem is these two guys i gave my number to. At first i thought, no big deal, everyone's giving their number out, but now i am nopt so sure.
I am not sure how long these guys have been clean for (they're not friends) and they have been calling like 5 times a day!!! They always want to "get together". Right now i have 5 months clean, and i really don't know how to look at this.

Before i left the meeting, the head person was giving one of the guys sh*$ telling him not to "hit" on the new girl (which was me. He said he wasn't then followed me out to my car and wanted to know if i would be at the next meeting.

I don't want to be rude and say "quit calling me, I'm not looking for boyfriends i'm just looking for knowledge and support". I don't want to say anything like that just incase he is just trying to be nice (although i do find it weird how fast they wanted to befriend me and get my # the minute i walked in the door. And they call SO MANY times a day!! I't crazy! I'm starting to screen my calls! I really don't know what to do!! I mean i just thought it would be good to start going to meetings,meet some sober ppl, i mean i have nothing to loose by going right? I want to know as much as possible about recovery/the steps and my addictions.

But i really don't know what to think of these guys! They seem to take "EXTRA interest" in me and it kindda makes me feel weird.
Should i say something? or should i just wait to find out what there true intensions are? Am i totally blowing this into something it isn't?
I want to continue to go to meetings, and i don't know anbody there (yet) but these guys just seem to maybe want a little more than a friendship.

Will someone/anyone please give me some advice/suggestions on what to do?
I don't want to start "dreading" meeting to have to deal with them!

Thank you.

splendra

You do not have to be rude but....you can tell these guys that you go to meetings to get well not get laid. The people running the meeting seem to already know that these guys are a problem and I am sure they will back you up.

Who knows maybe it will give you a lesson in setting healthy boundries and them too.
Best wishes to you and keep going to meetings and hang with the winners.....

servicejunkie

Definatly go with your gut on this one. If you are wondering if he has alterior motives, there is probably a good reason for that. I would suggest calling some of the women you met at the meeting and discussing this with them. That would also give you the opportunity to meet some more WOMEN and look into finding you a sponsor. Things are pretty foggy in early recovery, and every area has a couple people who will try to take advantage of newcomers. I had no idea how to set healthy boundaries when I got clean, my sponsor, support group and the steps have shown me how to. You seem to be very wise about this and are aware that he may have alterior motives. It probably wouldn't be wise to keep hanging around him, your "true intentions" may start to line up with his sooner or later. Love & Respect, Mike

Moontime

In our area woman don't give out numbers to men. If they continue to do this, talk to your sponsor, and if you need to talk to the their sponsor. If they don't have a sponsor, then you need to stay away from these predators.

Paulie

Well I kinda agree with some of the above, and kinda not.

I do agree with the talk to your sponsor part, and I do agree with the follow you instincts part.

I would not screen my calls, I would answer them and say something like " thanks for calling, but I am new to the program and I want to just stick with the women, I appreciate your support, maybe I will see you around" or something like that. It is not about being rude, it is about learning to protect ourselves and set boundaries.

In the future if asked for my number by a guy I would say the same thing. You dont' have to say I am not looking for a boyfriend you can just say I am sticking with the women. I got the impression that you got some women's numbers to, use them, k?

And if you don't have a sponsor, get one. If you do, talk to her.

Dont' let these guys stop you from going to meetings. And remember, while everyone is there for the same reason, everyone there is also human beings, and some are just jerks, sober or not, years sober or days sober, that is reality.

Good luck and talking about this stuff is great.

Gooch

What Paulie said.

thanx2methodone

Thanks you guys. This really helps!
I am going to mey second meeting tonight, and i will let the guys know that i am "sticking with the ladies!" That seems to be a very good approach to the whole thing!

Thanx again for your support! (I felt kindda stupid posting something like this, but you guys gave me great responses, like always! )

Hopefully this meeting goes a little more smoothly, Wish me luck!!

ludicrous

Change your phone number. Don't give it out unless you are sure they mean no harm and have a background you are acceptable to.

Gooch

No such thing as a question thats too stupid to ask if not getting an answer is gonna get you high or kill you.

I got a few I'm waiting to spring on my sponsor this weekend.