emme99

I think I had a thread titled depression before. I can't even get out of bed off and on for the last few weeks. I went from 600 vacation hours to negative 80. And my boss is great and told me my vacation is unlimited but I need to find a way to get myself out of this. I can't afford therapy anymore. And most mornings I wake up and then go in to a panic mode where my body feels like it is asleep, I can't hear or see (except for static & flashing lights), or move or talk, and I just need to lay there and concentrate on my breathing until I can move and feel again. I don't know what to do to snap myself out of it. I am tired of everything, and I just don't see the point of anything. I try to force myself to drink, to try to make myself feel better, buy my body is telling me no more. I am hoping God will let me not wake up one day soon, I can't deal with it anymore.

PhoenixJ

Can you get to an ER or a doctor? Stay safe. Prayers.

emme99

I am not suicidal, I just can't deal with anything anymore. My psychiatrist doesn't help, she tries, I know but nothing helps me. I am ok, I have to be here for my family, I am just tired, of everything. I just want to sleep. that is the only time I feel ok.

Dee74

Maybe it's time to get a second opinion, Emme?

D

Astro

You're describing and reminding me of my first few months of sobriety, I had zero desire to get out of bed other than to pick my children up, bring them back to my apartment where I'd plop them in front of the TV, and then I'd go back to bed again wishing I'd die soon.

Emme, I ditched my psychiatrist and tried a wellness doctor. It worked for me, I'm praying you'll take some time to explore other options and seek help, there's a way out of this for everyone. I also found meetings, church, or any building filled with people to be a lifeline, I knew if I did anything senseless they would try to help me.

I've recently started attending AA meetings a few times a week again and realize that being away wasn't the best thing for me, but recovery had given me the tools to deal with life. I'm so happy to be back at my meetings and glad they're available.

I hope you can get of bed and get some fresh air. Bicycling and walking saved my life too, anything other than lying in bed stagnant was the best direction for me.

Bekindalways

Hey Emme, I second the idea of a second opinion. Try a psychiatrist. It does sound like a pretty bad case of depression.

emme99

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it I cancelled my psychiatrist appointment because I know it won't help. I will consider a second opinion or a wellness doctor, I appreciate the responses, thank you again

Doug39

Isn't not being able to deal with anything anymore one step away from being suicidal?

People sometimes commit suicide on an impulse that they can't control.

I couldn't deal with anything either at times in my early sobriety and I had such dreadful thoughts that I sometimes had a hard time breaking out of.

I am 104 days sober and I still struggle at times.

Get a new doctor if the one you have isn't working.

Astro

In our area we have wellness groups too, they are moderated by a wellness professional. We sat in a large circle and shared for hours, it felt good to know we weren't alone.

After a few meetings with my wellness doctor he posed the question to me "why are you wasting your money on me when AA meetings make you so happy"? I appreciated the honesty and the understanding that he wasn't just after my money. After that I continued to see his prescriber for my meds but she tapered me off them when she could see my improvement.

Almalutz

Hope these tips can help you feel better in fighting depression-

1. Get in a routine. If you’re depressed, you need a routine. Depression can strip away the structure from your life. One day melts into the next. Setting a gentle daily schedule can help you get back on track.

2.Set goals. When you're depressed, you may feel like you can't accomplish anything. That makes you feel worse about yourself. To push back, set daily goals for yourself.

3. Exercise. It temporarily boosts feel-good chemicals called endorphin. It may also have long-term benefits for people with depression. Regular exercise seems to encourage the brain to rewire itself in positive ways.

4. Eat healthy. There is no magic diet that fixes depression. It's a good idea to watch what you eat, though. If depression tends to make you overeat, getting in control of your eating will help you feel better.

5. Get enough sleep. Depression can make it hard to get enough shut-eye, and too little sleep can make depression worse.

emme99

Doug, congrats on 104 or more days . I agree with you and I am working to get better, and also looking at other doctors. Thanks for your response.

Almalutz , thanks for sharing those goals. I am actually working on each of them now, except sleep. Thank you again.

Astro, thanks for sharing the info on the wellness group. I am not sure we have anything like that here but I am looking into it. I did see some meet up groups but I don't think I want to do that.

Thank you again everyone~

Bekindalways

You bet Emme . . .let us know how you get on.

Every time someone make the effort to help themselves whether giving up drinking, walking away from a bad relationship or like Emme, pushing back against the killer weight of depression, I feel so grateful. I guess I believe that every little constructive effort any individual makes sends a powerful ripple of energy out to all of us.

. . . so thanks back at you Emme . . . keep it up.

emme99

Thank you Bekindalways

Caramel

Important post, Bekindalways - thanks.

SoberCAH

My depression and anxiety were rough for many years, until I finally got help.

I didn't even seek help until I had been sober for a long time.

Bad mistake on my part.

Glad you're here Emme (and Doug).

Splash29

I've been there and am still there some days. Where I can't get out of bed and feel like a big rock.

I've just found you have to do what you're drawn to that excites you and hang on to that thought for dear life. For me its watching a funny youtube video or writing a gratitude list. Doesn't always work just got to keep trying.

emme99

Thank you SoberCAH and SulfuricSplash I like watching funny YouTube videos too.

On a side note, I think I am going to look into getting a SAD light. For the last week and 1/2 it has been in the high 60's and low 70's and sunny, and it has made a difference on how I feel. Today is the last day before cold, rain & snow move in. I've heard people here talk about SAD lights before but never thought I needed one, however now I think it might be worth trying Thanks again everyone.

Astro

Well, that answers the visitor message I left you of "How you doing?" !!

I've always believed that sunlight had a strong effect on my demeanor and mentality, but after 6 days in Seattle and Portland, only one of them being sunny, I have a much greater respect for the impact it has on us. I really enjoy rainy, cold, raw weather but found it very uplifting when the sun came out.

I hope the lighting helps you and look forward to hearing about it.

emme99

Thanks Astro, and for your visitor message too

I love cold, snowy, raw weather too, which is kind of why I didn't really think a SAD light would be beneficial. But with the recent improvements in the weather and how I am feeling, I guess maybe I am changing, or at least like you said, giving more respect to the affect it has on us Thanks for your response