dsmaxis10

The last year has been ruff dealing with this and alcoholism. Sober day 3 I really didn't want to drink but I just wanted the hallucinations to stop. I have been in 16 mental hospitals sober. Thought religion or spiritualism and staying sober could cure it bad idea. So I have been relapsing for 3.5 years. I had four years sober made all my amends and tried to quit my medication no it just quit working. So after my 14th hospitalization I drank I was very mad at God. And the people in AA telling me the steps would cure it but it doesn't cure alcoholism doesn't make much sense. So a lot of times I'm insane and I drink not a lot because of the medication for it and fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder. In a lot of physical pain. Just want my medication to work which it really hasn't been.

Astro

I don't believe that AA alone, or religion, or any medication would've cured my alcoholism, codependency, depression, and anxiety. But I do believe that those tools used together, responsibly, and with the help of others in recovery have made me the person I am today. Not whole and sane 100%, not completely normal, but functioning and always walking the road of recovery.

I pray that you never give up and wish you the best, we all deserve a good life.

dsmaxis10

Look I love AA and the fellowship a few bad seeds doesn't make up AA. AA the big book and 12/12 have helped me tremendously. My psychologist thinks that the medication is causing me horrible pain. This is huge if it's true because I'll be able to work which would be a God send. As far as recovery with the pain of getting the Prolixin decanoate shot I just get in so much pain I drink. I know lame excuse the four years I was sober I had a bad case of shingles an all I took was ibeprofin did I want the opiates yes but I thought it would cause mite to drink. And that was about the worse pain I ever had. So I actually have schizoaffective disorder schizophrenia-bipolar-depression-anxiety-fibromyalgia and alcoholism. If I can get the schizophrenia under control I'll have a chance at recovery.

Bekindalways

Wow Dsmaxis, you are hoeing quite the row!

I'm a depressive and that is quite enough to deal with.

Sending you all the e-support possible through this forum!

Lorax1981

Sending some e-support too ds!

dsmaxis10

Thanks everybody I'm stabilizing feel a lot better.

dsmaxis10

The closed eye hallucinations have stopped but I had an open eye hallucination, Day 3 again I had three weeks then I got a big resentment. The resent was while they were reading how it works this guy who I don't like already sad this( they read those with grave emotional and mental disorders he yelled out there fn nuts) I was pissed so I sat in my chair and after thirty minutes I had to tell him some kind words that went like this( your the one that's nuts not using the steps keep running your mouth and I'll shatter your jaw) Not that I would ever but I did beat up my first sponsor for yelling at me that I should be off medication when I was two and a half years sober. But this guy 25 years older then me. So I was just well sticking up for the other mentally ill people there. I know now I handled it wrong I wasn't stable at the time. What I should of done is not talk to him but to someone that knows him because talking to him well he's a know it all. Yes I take mood and mind altering drugs if I didn't I'd be locked away somewhere and Bill W took acid. See I actually go to AA to recover from alcoholism which has eluded me for 3 3/4 years of relapse after four years sober.Which I'd go to AA always even after a relapse because it work before I relapsed when I was in psychosis with a bizzare delusion.Except when I got a resentment from my first sponsor and this guy. Anyways I have quit two antidepressants and I have a lot more energy and my depression has gone away.

dox

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Have you thought about what you might do the next time someone says something that triggers your anger and resentment?

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dsmaxis10

Yes Dox go home and pray about it until the resentment is gone page 551-552 big book. My brother ripped me off a lot off money when we were in business together over 100,000$ I found out July 20th from 13 years ago. I was enraged and in psychosis I'd look in to my nephews eyes while he was in rehab and say if that didn't all happen he wouldn't be here. That helped me to get over the resentment not even to bring up to my brother. He's sober now we are brothers again we talk everyday we pray for each other everyday. I went about it all wrong it was me at fault. I have to make amends as soon as possible.