There are days I just want to die...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alma GA
Posts: 2
There are days I just want to die...
And today is one of them.
After 24 years of marriage, I found that my wife and the absolute love of my life, has been having an ongoing affair for 2 years. Not only a physical affair, she has given her heart to another man. She moved out 6 weeks ago, took almost everything in our house, and has just moved on with her life.
I loved her from the day I met her, however I understand that the love of my life does not love me anymore.
Yesterday was a great day. I felt strong. All I have ever wanted for her is her is for her to be happy. That's still all I want now, is for her to be happy.
I thought that she was my friend, and I think that at one time we were. I also know that friends would not do to each other what she has done to me. I feel so betrayed, so lonely, so unloved.
Why this post? I need somewhere to express myself. My family has been so supportive, but I can't cry on them every day. Sometimes I just have to deal with it alone. I can't honestly say that I'm missing her, but I miss what we had.
24 years, and it's all gone. My "family" is gone, my wife is gone, my step-daughters and grandbabies are gone. They're all gone.
I do have my sons, my brother, my parents, who are 100% on board supporting me, but there is a big gaping hole in my life. It's not about her being gone, it's about the lies, the desertion, the abandonment, the empty house.
Any suggestions, support, advice would be appreciated.
And by the way.... I'm sober and intend to stay that way.
After 24 years of marriage, I found that my wife and the absolute love of my life, has been having an ongoing affair for 2 years. Not only a physical affair, she has given her heart to another man. She moved out 6 weeks ago, took almost everything in our house, and has just moved on with her life.
I loved her from the day I met her, however I understand that the love of my life does not love me anymore.
Yesterday was a great day. I felt strong. All I have ever wanted for her is her is for her to be happy. That's still all I want now, is for her to be happy.
I thought that she was my friend, and I think that at one time we were. I also know that friends would not do to each other what she has done to me. I feel so betrayed, so lonely, so unloved.
Why this post? I need somewhere to express myself. My family has been so supportive, but I can't cry on them every day. Sometimes I just have to deal with it alone. I can't honestly say that I'm missing her, but I miss what we had.
24 years, and it's all gone. My "family" is gone, my wife is gone, my step-daughters and grandbabies are gone. They're all gone.
I do have my sons, my brother, my parents, who are 100% on board supporting me, but there is a big gaping hole in my life. It's not about her being gone, it's about the lies, the desertion, the abandonment, the empty house.
Any suggestions, support, advice would be appreciated.
And by the way.... I'm sober and intend to stay that way.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome GB1962 
I'm glad you found us.
I'm sure your feelings are all over the place right now. I'm sorry this happened to you. Have you thought of speaking with a therapist to help you sort this all out?
The support here is fantastic . Please keep posting, we're here for you.
I'm glad you found us.
I'm sure your feelings are all over the place right now. I'm sorry this happened to you. Have you thought of speaking with a therapist to help you sort this all out?
The support here is fantastic . Please keep posting, we're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Ah GB, that kind of thing hurts so ding dang blasted much (fill in the appropriate language here). As you probably know, it will get better but it takes time. Please take care of yourself: stay away from the joy juice, eat healthy and get some exercise. If you can't do this (specially the hooch avoidance) please see a doc and think about antidepressants. They aren't for everyone but can help you sleep and ease a bit of the pain.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Originally Posted by GB1962 
I do have my sons, my brother, my parents, who are 100% on board supporting me, but there is a big gaping hole in my life. It's not about her being gone, it's about the lies, the desertion, the abandonment, the empty house.
And by the way.... I'm sober and intend to stay that way.
And by the way.... I'm sober and intend to stay that way.
But I have to say that the result is beautiful. Sobriety. A new life that I never dreamed I could have. A new marriage where we actually work on our issues rather than running away to someone or something else. Being surrounded by a host of friends in recovery that truly care about me. A purpose for my life. And a strong relationship with my children that I always wanted.
Stick around. It takes time but it's worth every bit of effort we put into it. "A good life is guaranteed, or your misery will gladly be refunded"
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
That's awful....
And it's admirable that your love is such that despite this wound, you want her to be happy.
Don't forget, though... to focus on the person who really deserves to be happy and to process through this awfulness so that can happen. You.
What you're going through is a tremendous wound and in my experience, we need to allow ourselves to feel the pain, to experience the grief, to not try and distract from it or minimize it. Sometimes, things like "I just want her to be happy" can be a way of veiling the depth of our pain.
And it's OK to be angry, also. It's OK to be angry that you were betrayed. It's OK to feel that her 'happiness' is not a higher priority than the pledge of friendship and love that she gave you in marriage. It's OK to see that you were betrayed and that her pursuit of happiness was also a terrible blow to you. YOU are worthy and deserving of honesty - and it took her 2 years to give you honesty. I'd be angry about that. Though I'd have a tendency to distract myself from my anger with statements like "I wish for her happiness". I'm not saying that's what you're doing.... I'm only suggesting that it might be worth exploring what it feels like to tell yourself that it really IS OK to be angry. It's OK to let that anger out - so that it doesn't become resentment, self-beration, negative self beliefs or a festering blackness within you.
I'm sorry you're going through this.... but I'll also share with you that in my experience every awfulness we work through is an opportunity to grow and to deepen our human experience. And for every awfulness, there always comes some new horizon on the other side, full of promise and wonder.
And it's admirable that your love is such that despite this wound, you want her to be happy.
Don't forget, though... to focus on the person who really deserves to be happy and to process through this awfulness so that can happen. You.
What you're going through is a tremendous wound and in my experience, we need to allow ourselves to feel the pain, to experience the grief, to not try and distract from it or minimize it. Sometimes, things like "I just want her to be happy" can be a way of veiling the depth of our pain.
And it's OK to be angry, also. It's OK to be angry that you were betrayed. It's OK to feel that her 'happiness' is not a higher priority than the pledge of friendship and love that she gave you in marriage. It's OK to see that you were betrayed and that her pursuit of happiness was also a terrible blow to you. YOU are worthy and deserving of honesty - and it took her 2 years to give you honesty. I'd be angry about that. Though I'd have a tendency to distract myself from my anger with statements like "I wish for her happiness". I'm not saying that's what you're doing.... I'm only suggesting that it might be worth exploring what it feels like to tell yourself that it really IS OK to be angry. It's OK to let that anger out - so that it doesn't become resentment, self-beration, negative self beliefs or a festering blackness within you.
I'm sorry you're going through this.... but I'll also share with you that in my experience every awfulness we work through is an opportunity to grow and to deepen our human experience. And for every awfulness, there always comes some new horizon on the other side, full of promise and wonder.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
That's a very hard thing to deal with. I can't imagine. Well I do understand how it feels to have someone I loved purposely hurt me and try to bring me misery.
It's so hurtful when that happens, and hard to understand, when you only want the best for someone and they just screw you over in return.
Hopefully you can walk away with some insights you didn't have before. Even the worst relationships can be full of lessons learned, for next time.
Good job staying sober. You sound like a very strong, and also caring person who will get through this.
It's so hurtful when that happens, and hard to understand, when you only want the best for someone and they just screw you over in return.
Hopefully you can walk away with some insights you didn't have before. Even the worst relationships can be full of lessons learned, for next time.
Good job staying sober. You sound like a very strong, and also caring person who will get through this.
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