Recovery999

So we are having another meeting. You know what-it. I have to tell them about my depression. There is no other explanation that makes sense.

I hate them precisely because they have no empathy, and it will only serve to make them think I'm weak, but that's the truth and I'm too tired to make up stories anymore.

I want them to know that they will have a hard time firing me. Maybe I don't do documentation well at work but when it comes to depression I have a phone book's worth of documentation from doctors visits, hospitals, outpatient, etc.

This is the last thing in the world I want to do, but I don't see how it can be avoided at this point.

Verte

Hi Recovery,

Could you talk to one of your docs and ask for an official written letter addressed to your bosses that keeps your private life, private? You could have any number of conditions which require accommodation. Maybe your Doc could be your ally in helping you to reduce tension and stress in the workplace.

My vote is to come up with a plan of approach with your doc before you go into Thursday's meeting with your hostile bosses. Protect yourself, determine and know your rights. Support and allies when you do not feel well for any reason are a good thing.

Soberwolf

Recovery999

I guess I could get a note from the doctor. Thanks for the idea.

I mean, I have a telephone book's worth of documentation about my depression if they want to push the issue. Which they probably will.

It took everything I have just to walk in the front door today.

I am so tired of fighting. I just want to walk away.

I honestly don't know what's going to come out of my mouth Thursday, but it should be fairly interesting since I just don't even care anymore.

tomsteve

depressions a bugger.
however i think ya may want to understand the bosses have a business to run. it is their job to make the business run smoothly and profitable. if some part isnt running smoothly they have to do something about it.they have to do what they are paid to do and that doesnt mean they dont have empathy.

it seems this job has been causing turmoil for some time.
maybe its GOD tellin ya its time for change?

Recovery999

"God" good one lol

If I could have left, I would have been gone years ago.

Now comes the big debate from people who know more about my life circumstances than I do...

JD

I'm the boss. And I suffer from depression too. So I have more empathy around that issue than most bosses. But I've read your other post and although I don't know what you did, by your own admission it was an offense that could get you terminated. Having depression is not going to be a get out of jail free card. What you probably did and your depression are two separate issues and they can be legally separated from a termination standpoint. Unless what you did is a direct result of your depression you might not have a leg to stand on.

PS, if you play the depression card and they call your bluff be prepared to fight it legally with the costs of time and money involved. You'll have to ask yourself whether that's worth it.

Recovery999

One thing I do have is thousands of pages of documentation to say I'm depressed. Multiple inpatient and outpatient treatment stays. Different doctors. Therapists.

No one can argue that I'm not depressed.

I didn't go on that appointment because in my mind it just felt like too much for me to handle. I can't explain the logic going through my head at that time. I just knew I couldn't do it.

I find it offensive that someone would imply that I'm using depression to get out of something. If that's your attitude, don't reply to the thread.

KissMyTiara

But isn't that what you are doing? All your posts indicate that.

Recovery999

What is it that I'm doing?

If people are going to be like this then just forget I even asked.

JD

Can I ask what you're trying to accomplish by bring up depression then?

Recovery999

Moderators: can we just close this thread?

They want a reason for me being the way I am and that happens to be the reason.

tomsteve

recovery, what is being said is it seems like your using depression as a reason for the employer to accept unacceptable work performance.
no one is saying your not suffering from depression.

you yourself said you dont do documentation well. even if the depression is effecting your performance, fighting the company and trying to make it hard on them to fire you.....well.....idk what that will achieve.

Recovery999

Um, it will achieve me not having to become homeless? Not having to work as an escort?

JD

Recovery, I read your other post and maybe I read too much into it but it sounded to me like you did something very bad, possibly illegal. If that's the case having depression isn't going to make a difference and your employer could still fire you. If it's strictly a work performance issue, that's a different story. In that case the employer should work with you to correct the issue. But if the issues persist they can still fire you. If they don't initially work with you then having depression could make a difference if you want to file a wrongful termination suit. If they even terminate you. All I'm trying to do is help you make a decision on whether you want to bring up the depression or not.

Recovery999

I don't have a choice. They want an explanation. There is no other explanation. The only reason I haven't been performing is because of my depression. I just don't fee like I deserve to lose my job over this. It's not my fault. I'm trying, I swear to God, I'm trying. I've been to the hospital, I've been in partial programs, recently I went to a new doctor someone from AA reccomended who started Me on a new medication. Apparently it's not working. Short of electro convulsive therapy, I honestly don't know what else to do. I don't want to be this way. I hate myself every day for being lazy, for squandering this great opportunity, for not being able to do what I'm supposed to do. I have almost unbearable guilt.

What I did wasn't illegal and, from what another work friend suggested, can be cleared up relatively easily. It's not that huge of a deal in the grand scheme of life, tbh. I think more is being made of it than is necessary, especially after talking to my friend (who supervises other people).

But I would have never done any of this if I wasn't depressed. I cannot function. I really can't. I've been faking it for a long time and now it's all catching up to me. But I don't believe I should be fired. I'm a good person, I've done even great work for them over the years. I pray every day I can be that person again. I don't want to be someone who has to argue with myself and plan all day just to wash my hair. None of this is fun for me. I just don't know what else to do T this point because I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working.

Recovery999

And now nobody has anything to say...

Croissant

Recovery999, I don't know you and I've not read any of your other posts. I will say this, if you feel you aren't coping with work, then yes, talk to your Doctor or therapist (if you have one) and see what they suggest?

I went through a difficult time some years ago, and my doctor gave me two weeks off on a medical Cerificate, with no need to disclose depression. But the two weeks off was to relax, and think about what decisions I needed to make. You clearly aren't happy in your job (and yes, I get that you are depressed, so it's a circular thing), so perhaps the unhappiness in the job dissatisfaction is perpetuating the depression to some degree?

In the end, you may have to accept that this isnt the right workplace for you?

We all have our ups and downs, but it's our responsibility to own them. Your boss's job is to run a business, not to top your bank account up each week while you warm a desk and chair.

Recovery999

It is circular. I feel bad so then I fall behind. Then I feel bad because I'm behind. And it just continues.

I do more than warm a chair. I do some work. I am just behind on reports, probably because I know whatever I write will be criticized within an inch of its life and need to be rewritten at least 3 times.

I have had this problem with this supervisor. It is noteworthy to say I worked here for 9 years before he was my supervisor and never had a problem with getting reports reviewed and signed of on.

I have a plan to catch up. I'm just going to take off next week and do the work at home. I work better at home anyway.

teatreeoil007

Recovery: I truly empathize with you and want to lend my heartfelt understanding and support. I have suffered with depression and know what it's like to struggle with just some of the basic stuff (like hair washing, etc.) Well, I'm not saying I have very many days in which I don't take a shower and wash my hair, but there have been days when I have struggled with it and felt I really had to push myself just to get that basic thing done! I don't like feeling that way; not at all...so I get it.

I've also had days in which I didn't even want to get out of bed. Yes, when person is depressed they tend to not want to go to work, let alone feel motivated in a good way while at work. It's hard to know sometimes if the workplace is contributing/causing to the depression (?)--particularly if the workplace is stressful or hostile.

There are a lot of depressed people walking around; some who need good care and effective medication but won't admit to the depression or get help for it. At least you are not in denial. Don't give up trying to find a solution.