needtostopthis

This Is eating me up inside. Today I was reminded that I haven't done much with my life, when I saw a friend of mine say she is only a few classes away from getting her teaching degree. I should be happy for but instead I am throwing myself a pity party. I have always wanted to be a teacher, but life got in the way and I was unmotivated and deterred form pursuing it for numerous reasons. First if all I am horrible at math, I mean horrible, it has caused a lot of problems for me. It seems not matter how hard I try I just cant pass it. 2nd I have a child with special needs, I don't have a ton of time to do a degree now and truthfully I am kind of lazy. Plus I am not even sure if i would like being a teacher now and i wonder what i would even go to college for. I wonder if some of this unmotivation is or was brought on by my drinking so much? My therapist wants me to focus on my sobriety for now and my anxiety and then decide what I want to do, but I just feel stuck. I see so many people around me doing so well and I am just a stay at home mom. I feel like I should have a career, more money, something. I worry about what I would do if something happened to my husband, I mean I have no degree, and little experience working (just retail) My husband doesn't understand why I worry so much about this and compare myself to others all the time. I know some of this is due to my depression and anxiety. I just want to be happy with myself. I keep thinking losing alcohol will help me with that! I hope it does. I just feel horrible today, seeing that post. I had 10 days sobriety and messed up the other day, so now I am on day 3 again. Can anyone relate to me here? I just need someone to talk to here.

NYCDoglvr

Oh yes, I can certainly understand how you feel. You're in early sobriety, which was an emotional roller coaster I described as 24 hour per day PMS in a full moon. Here's some words of advice that helped me a lot: only compare yourself to yourself (not to others), start writing a daily gratitude list giving thanks for what you have (your life, health, sobriety, home, food, etc.). Keep the focus in TODAY, keep reeling your mind back in today. Are you going to AA? If not, I strongly recommend it. I couldn't get sober on my own but the fellowship gave me loving understanding and great tools. You will feel better, but the first 90 days or so can be very tough.

Congrats on not picking up a drink a day at a time. It's HUGE. Remember, we just don't drink TODAY.

PurpleKnight

Yeap, I have those feelings all the time, that kinda lost feeling, not sure what I'm supposed to be doing!!

Though I think dealing with my drinking problem was the first step to create a solid foundation to build on!!

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 6

calikidd

We all can relate and if anyone says they can't, well my mother said its not polite to call people liars