4th Step clouded past
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Parkman OH
Posts: 114
4th Step clouded past
I figured I would share this as it is an issue I am dealing with today. I have drank pretty much all my teen and adult years. I was put in treatment as a teen, was sober for a few months, but definitely was not ready. I spent almost 5 years in prison, but of course really wasn't sober there either.
So I am here today and looking at resentments. What I realize is that yes I have recent ones, and a lot of deep seated ones that I really do not remember much at all other then to know I have them. Situations, people, and time is lost to me in the fog of my past. I really do not remember much of my past other then it happened.
So now it becomes a fear, "Is it gone to me, and will it come back?". What brought me here was a blackout, and now that I am thinking on it I think I have had a lot more of them then I realized. I am seeing where they probably happened and I was too fogged to care it had happened.
I think I knew it was happening, hence my alienating myself from others and becoming very much a loner in recent years. I didn't want to have something happen that i would be so much more ashamed of myself then I was. Of course that happened anyways, it is what drove back into AA.
So saying all this I can see my 4th is going to take some time, and honestly, not sure how honest it will be till some of this unlocks in my head. Hoping that in working through it some lights go back on. Shocking to realize how truly sick you are.
So I am here today and looking at resentments. What I realize is that yes I have recent ones, and a lot of deep seated ones that I really do not remember much at all other then to know I have them. Situations, people, and time is lost to me in the fog of my past. I really do not remember much of my past other then it happened.
So now it becomes a fear, "Is it gone to me, and will it come back?". What brought me here was a blackout, and now that I am thinking on it I think I have had a lot more of them then I realized. I am seeing where they probably happened and I was too fogged to care it had happened.
I think I knew it was happening, hence my alienating myself from others and becoming very much a loner in recent years. I didn't want to have something happen that i would be so much more ashamed of myself then I was. Of course that happened anyways, it is what drove back into AA.
So saying all this I can see my 4th is going to take some time, and honestly, not sure how honest it will be till some of this unlocks in my head. Hoping that in working through it some lights go back on. Shocking to realize how truly sick you are.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
not being able to remember everything clearly turned out to be a blessing of sorts for me.I don`t think I could have handled it all at one time.I will say,do the best you can and let those clouded times clear up on their own if they ever do.
If they don`t,good
if they do,we deal with it then
I have been sober 26 years and I find I still have clouded times during my past but every now and again,something clears up.
If they don`t,good
if they do,we deal with it then
I have been sober 26 years and I find I still have clouded times during my past but every now and again,something clears up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 296
Step 4 should not take more then a day, maybe 2 days at most.
If you put in an hour or 2 a day.
It should and can be done quite quickly.
There is not much thought put into it.
If you remember you put it down.
Some will conjure up memories of others.
This is not rocket science, or brain chemistry.
Its a simple list, do it, get it done, move onto step 5.
Book your step 5 NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you put in an hour or 2 a day.
It should and can be done quite quickly.
There is not much thought put into it.
If you remember you put it down.
Some will conjure up memories of others.
This is not rocket science, or brain chemistry.
Its a simple list, do it, get it done, move onto step 5.
Book your step 5 NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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