arthur

Hi all. I usually post on the alcohol forum. But this time it's different. In the past eight months I've had three slips with alocohol the most recent as last Wednesday. It was a couple of shots and that's it. I did not drink the next day after those events.

I've got other issues. As a kid I was molested and thirty years later I'm still dealing with it. I get very depressed when I think of it. I've got anger issues and I live my life in fear. My anxiety is thru the roof and I'm on meds. I'm very self destructive and basically ruined my marriage. I can't go on like this. I've been thinking about going to a pschy ward in a hospital and checking in. I know it's not a magic pill but it's a start on the right road. I want my life back. If I do this I'm doing it for me and I have a chance to get back together with my wife. I'm just very afraid to go away. What are my kids gonna think of their father. Anyhow that's all for now. Thank u for reading.

athene

Sorry that you are going through so much. What are you doing for your recovery? It's pretty important to be working on something pretty much every day, much like exercise where you feel better when you do it. Maybe going into a treatment center is what you need. Don't worry about what people will think. You can't control that. All you can control is taking care of yourself.

I've been through some heavy stuff too (like being molested), and it is a painful experience that takes effort to heal. You are always going to have difficult emotions in this life, but from personal experience, I can tell you that peace & serenity is possible. Nothing is a quick fix. Turning to substances only makes it worse. The 12 Steps helped me out a lot. Faith is huge for me. Good luck

Astro

Arthur, I've never experienced molestation and I'm very sorry for what you're dealing with in life. I can relate to much of your share though, I'm a very angry alcoholic and codependent.

In 2005 I did check into a psych ward for a few days, it was very helpful and while it did not save my marriage I can assure you that my children and I have a wonderful relationship, and in 2009 I was remarried and my wife and I have a great marriage, although it does require constant work.

That's what recovery is to me...a lot of work...and I get out of it exactly what I put into it. AA meetings, church, service work, CODA, Christian recovery meetings. Every week I'm doing as many of these things as possible to maintain my spiritual fitness, and the more I do the better I feel.

biminiblue

I'm sorry you're still struggling with this. I agree that counseling and meetings and reading and spiritual fitness are the cornerstones to recovery.

I don't mean to disrespect your pain, but many people have gone through similar situations and maybe you could find a support group for sexual assault survivors. It really helps to know you are not alone and to share your feelings with others who understand.

biminiblue

Arthur, I googled "New York sexual assault support" and there are thousands of links, some from the state, and some private, you might want to make some calls. Most support groups are free or low cost - it may help you as much as committing yourself (unless you feel in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.)

I've found support groups to be a surprisingly good resource to help heal my issues. I always thought it/they were just whine-fests, which they partly are, but they are also usually facilitated by someone who is a professional and who can guide the group toward healing. Also members of support groups will call each other out on BS, which we sometimes need when we get into that mode of dysfunctional thoughts.

Croissant

Arthur. I'm very sorry you are still struggling with this.

Dee74

There's been some great suggestions here Arthur - do follow at least some of them up and let us know how you get on?

It's good to 'see' you again

D

arthur

Thank you all for your suggestions. I will be going to a hospital for a few days I think it will do me good. Biminblue thank you for googling on line support groups. I will be picking one after I get out of the hospital. Thank you everyone for your help

Dee74

best wishes arthur

D

SoberCAH

I wish you the best, Arthur, and I admire your courage in seeking help on this forum and with the hospital you are entering.

Please keep us posted, amigo.

Opivotal

Best wishes arthur, I admire your courage.

biminiblue

Good job, Arthur, take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

Renarde

How are you doing?

I worked in a psych ward and there are plenty of people dealing with anxiety and depression who sometimes come in for a few days to breathe and get things figured out. I'm glad you took this step.

Thinking of you.

jessie65

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that I can relate to what you're going through. I was molested as a child (for many years) and also, I believe, by a doctor (was too scared & embarrassed to say anything) I don't know if the doctor was just checking for signs of abuse or what (my abuser was with me and acting strangely). I still think about those years and feel very violated and angry.
Anyway, if you can be admitted even for a few days it would probably be helpful. Good luck.

silverlinings36

I hope this helps maybe you are experiencing symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. I have had a hard time staying sober because of this. I get extremely angry when I think about some very rotten things that have happened to me. I get frustrated and drink because I am angry, and I don't want to be this way. Everyone tells me to try and avoid alcohol and caffeine. can you get benzo type meds this may help with anxiety and withdrawal cravings for booze. valium? diazapan klonopin. I know taking a pill is not staying sober but if you are suffering this badly. I feel it is the lesser of two evils. I walked off jobs before because of anxiety anger. it takes courage to ask for help, and be honest about your symptoms. don't beat yourself up