megan85

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, but above all i am an ADDICT! I have been taking Tylenol #4 for 5-6 years, 4 years ago I tried to stop cold turkey and it WORKED, i was feeling much better by day 5, but i gave in and was too weak to control the addiction, instead the addiction controls me! But now I am ready to kick my addictions butt hard, I just hope my will power is on the same page too!
Thursday 7-12-12 at 2pm i took my LAST full dose of pills, Friday i only took 2 all day, and then today I took 1/2 of a pill, and THATS IT theres NO more... Other than body aches and pain and my back completely killing me right now I actually dont feel all so bad, from time to time my tummy will cramp a bit and ill have to go to the bathroom, but I think I can handle this! Im lucky my inlaws took the kids for the weekend, not bc of my withdrawal, but so they can spend some time with them! NO ONE knows I am an addict, other than my Husband! And He is going to try and keep me strong, and keep me from taking anymore! He actually gets a script of Tylenol #4s monthly for himself, due to serious pain from an accident, hes been taking them for HALF his life, however he needs them! I on the other hand started using to help numb myself from BS, but it ended up taking over and becoming more BS than why i started taking them in the first place!
I know this is going to be a LONG PAINFUL HARD road ahead, but im trying to stay POSITIVE i think thats the key, mind over matter right! I know theres physical pain and withdrawal im going through, BUT as long as I keep thinking to myself, I can do this, I am worth this, I am BETTER than this, and soon itll all be over, im hoping that will help in the end! Ive over come other drug problems in the past when i was a kid, but i never became "ADDICTED" like I am NOW! so its a little different i think....
I just PRAY God can give me the strength to over come my addiction, I Pray God gives me the power to over come my addiction... I HOPE my WILLPOWER will NOT break this time!!!
Im hoping that by joining this site Ill find some support that I NEVER had in the past when I tried to QUIT, I hope I can get advice and words of wisdom from others who have been or are where I am right now....

finaltime

Proud of you for wantiing to quit. You can do this, and that is awesome that your husband is aware and supports you. You know what is ahead of you, and you know that it will eventually get better. You will need to stay strong and do all you can do! Keep posting. I am also a mother, and pill addict. I am now 5 months off of those devils, and hope to never return. I will never return.

CarolD

Welcome....

In the end for me...I had to want to quit more than I wanted to use.

With that in mind....I wish you clarity
Prayers for your recovery going out.

megan85

Thank you! And I'm gonna keep praying for the strength to get through this! I know keeping a positive attitude makes all the difference, I refuse to allow myself to sit here and dwell, think, or wish I had some pills to just take and feel better, bc that is only putting a band aid on a much bigger issue! I have to believe and have faith that tomorrow will be much easier, and the pain will dull a bit...right now I have a huge head ache, and my back, neck, legs,knees pretty much EVERYTHING hurts, but I know that's a false pain and will pass soon enough! I know the real pain is inside, and I need to get over the embarrassment and shame I carry! I am starting to realize I am NOT alone! And I'm NOT the first nor the last person who will get swallowed whole by addiction and have to fight like hell to get out, but I know with each day that passes that's ONE more day I can be proud of, and soon those one days will add up and make the world of difference to me, and my family! I know recovery is something I have to take ONE day at a time, one step at a time, but I also know that the thought of being cut free of these chains that have weighted down on me for so long will finally be cut and lifted up, and I will be able to say "I FOUGHT ADDICTION AND WON, it was hard as hell but every second was worth it!" And I know it will happen and that is giving me some sort of comfort... I can't wait to look in the mirror some day soon and finally recognize the person looking back at me and be proud to say that's me clean and sober... but right now i am working on today, and then tomorrow!!...
i hope if theres anyone else out there reading this and is addicted to anything, please know its worth it, ur worth it, trust me, im just starting and i already mentally feel happier than i have since i started using... just stay positive, the mind is very powerful....

megan85

My head feels like it might just explode, feel like my tummy doing a little jump rope match, and my back is still killing me, but the plus side is my hubby will be home soon maybe I'll make something light to eat, I'm actually hungry even if I don't feel much like eating...
I read somewhere to drink LOTS of water bc it helps detox ur body faster?? Wonder how true that actually is... but I've been drinking as much water as I can...
I have hope tonight might be a bit easier of a sleep for me, I have made sure NOT to sleep at all today in hopes that'll Help... but not looking forward to the whole cold/hot hot/cold sweats again... all I can do is stay positive and pray God gives me strength to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow... and pray God can see past my flaws and understand the pain I've been through and Help me over come this dark evil called addiction, so I can be the person I once was, the person I know I am, and the person I'm suppose to be!!

finaltime

Sounds like you are on the right path. The sweats are your body getting rid of the poison that has overcame it. Just think, if you get through these hard times you NEVER have to do it again. I had to keep telling myself that in my early stages. I would tell myself that if I popped another pill it would just have to happen again sooner or later...

megan85

It's now 8:20pm, and the headache part of the withdrawal is KILLING me... the headache is actually making me feel worst than I actually am, how long do I have to deal with this pain? My God, I didn't expect to be knock down by a freaking headache.... I figured my stomach cramps back pain ect would be down right horrible, never thought the worst of it would be a freaking killer headache!! Is there anything SAFE for me to take to Help cope with this headache??? Please someone say it's almost over...

jca2012

I know you don't know me and I am not a psychiatrist but I will do what I feel is right on my part to share with you what I learned through the experience of life in hope you benefit.

I went through mental and physical abuse, ptsd, drugs, to enlisting in the U.S. Army and to later find myself through many different religions and spirituality.

I understand the message from Jesus and the other gods of religious belief which I am not trying to convert you or make you believe but to show you that I realized Jesus taught me to just worry about yourself and what needs to be changed and to accept yourself and not feeling that your unworthy or you are really wrong you just don't understand what your doing sometimes or don't have the knowledge you need to help you overcome life and it's sufferings.

It's not your fault. The fact of it is your perfect no matter what you need to learn to deal with your problem mentally and just know you want to change and because your wanting to change and looking for help shows you have a lot more strength and courage then most and it's not their fault.

Look at your life from the past and now why did you start and do you want to continue doing this in the future? Don't tell me that's your business just find that answer. Know your not the only person who has went through it or the only one going through it and to not feel bad knowing you have an addiction and can't stop but be happy that your aware of it.

I went through it and learned that the only way of overcoming is it that you can overcome it and people you seek for help even looking for help will either critiscize you or give you tools to help you but can't do anything for you to stop you have to do it on your own. Jesus taught me that we have the power to do anything we want in life and to not let life and your enemies bring you down and his story showed he was capable of that and he was a human being and he even said if he can do it you can to and even more. All you have to do is put effort to it.

Think of your addiction not as a bad thing in a sense and put yourself down and know addiction is a label and your not an addict addict is a word. You just haven't learned how to not let yourself be controlled by others and drugs if thats what you want to call it. You probably needed it for health reasons and liked it making you overcome things but then started becoming addicted which means a problem that you never learned to quit and control yourself. Your emotions and feelings towards it are not yours but they are like I tool I learned in the army to help you see what state of mind your in so you can be aware of yourself and your environment being prepared beforehand so you don't get yourself in a deadly situation or addicted to drugs in your case.

It's not all your fault that it's not taught to you what all drugs can do and their effects and how to overcome them and be prepared to deal with it. But it is our faults in general if we don't try and change it.

Look at the good things the drug taught you that you wouldn't have learned ever in life and could have been to late later on if you haven't experienced this now or even realized your problem for example it shows it helped you become aware over time you have a problem of not being able to stop and use it what it was for and what your emotions teach you if you listen to them and that your mind isn't strong enough to stop right now.

If you never learned this then you would have never learned to control yourself and know yourself like you do now would you? What else did that teach you to see? The army taught me how to control my use through training and basic training and I applied it to my past addictions to learn these things.

Now by slowly lowering doses or try dealing with not doing it a few days at a time or lifting weights and working out strengthens your mind to deal with these things and teaches you things about your body and the power you really have over yourself and the power you have to do anything you can in this life no matter the difficulty like I learned through these things and the army.

You learned the things it taught you but what do you need to learn to overcome it? To stop it? Your body and mind is used to it which you created a false perception that the body and mind think it cant do the things you want or do normally and need it to function or so you would think? But the coming down and needing it again is not the addiction but the body which as smart as it is trying to detox and grow immune to the damage it is doing and when that happens is the come down so you think you need to do the drug again to not hurt. That's the problem. You need to know that has to happen and will happen because the body is trying to overcome and grow tolerate to it and when it happens drink water eat food protein to feed your body and do things like getting a massage and acupuncture to remove stress and blockages of energy stored from toxins can come out.

You won't die always from coming down if you don't do it again and let your body adjust the mentality and the emotions from fear of not having or wanting it is what can kill you by stressing out. But if you can go as long as your problem has been haven't died yet that shows your a soldier and if you can do that you can quit.

Just don't believe your mind if it says no and your mind will that's because it lacks knowledge and understanding.

Jesus states we can do as can and even more than him because he knows it's all mental life is a game looking at it that way and if he can be tortured and nailed to a cross still yelling to forgive them they know not what they do never hurting them and not lying his way out of being crucified knowing he can and the fact he is God not having to do it dying then coming back like he says. This to me shows me he is saying you can do the same things.

I of course haven't done any of those but I get the message. He is saying your going to suffer in life and go through things but no matter the difficulty the person still love them and forgive them turning your cheek because you know you like Jesus struggles in life and he wanted to show you that he could still heal those who were sick not waste his time on those who didn't to heal as many people as he could knowing he was going to have to die because simply because mankind wouldn't understand never before seeing such healings which were just mainly mental and spiritual issues besides the few physical ones.

Look at your life and the experiences you had. You have to learn these lessons sometime and you are now which is to overcome control of something and learn to gain control over yourself.

What can give you this strength? Knowledge, experience, and wisdom. If you see the past memories of anything traumatic that may have took you to drugs they aren't bad they remain to teach you a lesson you haven't learned. Which is facing yourself, your past, your troubles now so you can learn to let them go, forgive, and heal so you can move on.

Because when you overcome this problem you can teach others how from experience and not from a book. Why do you think Jesus said I am not here for the righteous but for the sick? Because this teaches us if the righteous were righteous they could heal the sick but couldn't so Jesus had to come. Someone of a spiritual knowing and understanding that has mastered themselves and learned from experiencing because they stood up and did what they could to make a change.

Jesus in his life showed us that he was a carpenter worked hard all of his life and enjoyed it and this shows us what did he learn from working hard? To be strong and hard work teaches you to overcome these things and are a reward spiritually, mentally, and physically when looking back through meditating on these types of experiences in your life and how to apply them to see things you don't see normally to help you grow. This is the point of meditation and the effects it has that help you as it has helped me as Jesus it helped him as he states many times he meditated upon something. Meditation is just a way of looking at your life, experiences, and yourself when psychiatrists and others and programs don't help you or will tell you these things and probably don't even know.

I hope this helps!

Also know that the little things I looked at and seeing basically Jesus was saying my father flows through me and he didn't tell us to believe in him he gave a choice but looking at him he simply said to have faith knowing that your going to be where you want in life that all you have to do is try and know the unknown isn't to be known until you get there just know with a little knowledge and guidance that there is a father we come from and we are all his children no matter your religion or race you are all the children of the only and one father call him what you want just know you have a father and having faith in knowing he is the energy or force that supports you when you need it he will and don't worry about the past present or future they will cause worry but do learn the lessons from them and let them go and no matter what never stop or let anyone bring you down because they will and it's not because they want to in their hearts Jesus knew it was because they didn't understand nor had anyone there to teach the truth because we lost the truth when God gave Adam and Eve free will when they ate from the tree of knowledge the apple.

Basically the eating of the apple signifies the message that once eaten fruit they instantly gained desire and ego developed in the mind that caused them to become addicted to life when they were already enlightened and one with god living this miracle called life. God cared so much he sent his only son on earth Jesus by birthing him into life to guide the world because he would be at fault for giving them free will and the serpent which represents the tempter which is what the word satan means or the accuser tested them which I believe was god in a form of a snake to see if they would go against him.

Therefore he condemned them then overtime realized they were human and had to send Jesus to learn from humanity through talking to the bad people dining and sitting with them so he could realize why and see that didn't know what they are doing so talking to them he learned how to talk and deal with them and deal with his faith with God as he was a human being not with God and had to suffer to help save everyone as that's what he had to go through no matter what because once he healed others and started helping them he knew it would happen and people would accuse him of nasty things and of doing bad with the bad people he associated with.

My experiences are similar as Jesus alot of ours is we just don't know it. I tried helping those who were considered bad and learned from them from once going through it myself and doing the same things.

I saw myself and saw they didn't understand and wasn't aware growing up through abuse and molestation from my father but I found out I shouldn't hate him because he went through it to and worse and understanding that I felt sorrow for him and taught me this about others.

Knowing because I have been through it that when he wants to change and start listening and answering questions about himself that I knew I could answer I could help him and know it would be a chance of saving him. Because most people won't let others in they are afraid to out of hurt or protection of not wanting to be hurt and used by others.

I was to but until I didn't open up and listen to the point of using it to help myself and learn from others I wouldn't be saying this now.

jca2012

I am not claiming anything I say to be truth or for those to believe in them I just hope you take something from it so you can grow and be who you want to be in life. Not wasting your time and money on those who won't help. However I do say from my experience those are my truths.Truth is your truth what you have learned and see that in all your life something has guided you and helped you is the same truth that Jesus learned and shared just know that, that's the true meaning of having faith is knowing there is something there whether you see it or not and the more faith you have the more you come to see what it is. To me that is energy or spirit.

I am not trying to make you believe in religion but to show you from a perspective of being human and not from a book but from experience that these figures like Jesus or Buddha or whomever you believe teach you these things and aren't made to be like what they are today. They are men or God whatever you believe in who went through rough lifes and finally got tired of life and learned how to change and to not let it bother them but to deal with life because they knew your stuck and still alive and had to change because they finally sat meditating on life because they realized if they did nothing to change it was either going to hurt them and they would continue suffering. Therefore they realized they needed to change themselves before they could do anything to stop their bad behavior so they learned first how to deal with it seeing it's only mental and then looked everywhere to change like the buddha went to many guru's learning all he could never helping him until he realized there is nothing you can do but accept yourself and deal with others and because he was human at one time he didn't understand and until he took a step to change not knowing how or where to turn is where he learned to see that you don't have a choice you just have to deal with it.

If he created bad karma through his actions of doing bad things to himself or others life hit him hard and if he did good things through his actions good things will happen but if he did it selfish even though good knowing what he would get in return he would be payed back to teach him and it was wrong they are humans like you and if you did nothing you wouldn't learn or grow at all to not help yourself and be stuck in worrying. But once they changed their perception they learned from the past looking past what they know they began realizing that it's all of our fault once we become aware and do nothing to change it but it's not our fault for not knowing.

So life your stuck with and once you take that step your afraid to make and face your fears can you then realize that's what life is about and for you to learn to control your life and make life work for you.

There is no point in life that's the fun of it. Learn and grow change if you want or don't but you can do anything and conquer everything making life into your own fun and play once you evolve to this point.

Simply know yourself by being aware of yourself by stepping out of your emotions and pain long enough to not let them control you and see what your good at what needs changing what the possibilities are and let them the emotions and pain suffering be your tools your guides to fix it mentally without needing substance by learning to deal with it or find ways to deal with it. This is a vast topic and has so much to talk about I know it's long but I hope it helps. Just also be aware of the fact that right now you have a problem but you still have time if your still alive to fix it and when you do you become reborn spiritually seeing death isn't real or a bad thing and that even death can't stop you from changing it's to late.