ILoveYouSavvy

Hey Everyone,I am a 23 year old girl trying to kick this damn opiate habit. Throughout high school I aleays experimented with percocet and vicodin because I liked how it made me feel and "everybody else was doing it" - stupid, I know. It also didn't help that my dad, who I have alwsys been close with and love very much, is an oral surgeon who liked to prescribie .himself opiates. I would find them around the house and steal them from him. I loved the way they made me feel but that was just the beginning. I experimented with other drugs and would go out drinking with friends whenever possible. I was that girl that would be up lppking for "one last drink" while everyone else was sleeping or had left. That went on until one day I got pregnant with somone who took advantage of me while drunk. I was scared and ashamed and alone that I made one of the hardest decisions Ivever made in my life. And terminated the pregnancy. I did it alone and told no one a it wasawefeul. Wellr ig dht around thedays after that horrific experience ( which yes I know I chose ), a friend of my past wanted to reconnect. Long story short he introduced me to heroin and I IVed for 4 months. I got clean and went to chicago to an amazing rehab and met and fell in love with my boyfriend there - exactly a yr ago. He and I moved down south together and he has been wonderful to me and has managed to stay clean but I have not.

I relapsed on Roxies or Oxycontin 6 mo. Ago about 30-60 mg a day. Im at 30 hours without any and I just am dreading these withdrawals. I have to stop. I feel so guilty and
so stupid and so ashamed. I should be clean but I relapsed and no one knows. And i hate keeping this secret from my bf. I am done. Done done done. I cant do this anymore. I guess I just need to talk to someone. Anyone. 30 hrs clean. Hot cold sweats sneezing and restless legs so far. Ugh.

Opio

Have you been keeping it from your bf because you don't think he would understand or because you don't want it to trigger a relapse for him? Would he not be able to empathize with your situation?

I completely understand the guilt and the shame that you are feeling, but the relapse has already occured. You can't go back in time and change what happened, but you can influence what happens going forward.

Try to look at the positives. You were able to kick a heroin habit and stay clean for 6 months, which is an incredibly hard thing to do. Think about that time as a trial run and a learning experience. What triggered the relapse this time? What can you do to prevent that from happening next time?