Hitting the Bottom is different for everyone
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: parkersburg, wv
Posts: 178
Hitting the Bottom is different for everyone
They say that sometimes you just gotta hit bottom before you decide to clean up. In the beginning most of us feel that our lives are so much better on our drugs. We think we do everything better and don't realize what the consequences are of are using. The first two years of my opiate abuse I thought I had found the wonder drug. I was high as a kite-but won Presidents Circle for sales in the pharmaceutical industry. We were being flown around the country and treated to glamours trips, cars, bonus, etc. I thought I had found the wonder drug. I was so full of energy and pep-why would anyone tell me I couldn't take this drug? If they only knew what wonders it did for me.
Then you fast forward seven years-I was still in the industry (hadn't gotten caught in my addiction) and my husband commits suicide.-You would think that would have straightened me up. -No it was the poor me-I am a widow with three kids now, I deserve to be able to take these pills to cope with my reality. And local physicians that I knew bought into that "poor widow" concept. I didn't stop, I just added more pills (stimulants, downers, etc) to my cocktail.
Then fast forward to 2010-Fell into a deep depression (because I ran out of pills)-Voluntarily put myself in a psych ward. I am no longer working full time and am raising three small children. My family helps with the kids while I was gone for 8 days. It still wasn't my bottom-now I was convinced I had a mental illness (I didn't it was withdrawl from drugs, but I never told them) so I just took more pills.
Then came 2011-Got myself into a toxic relationship because I was out of my head-still not working full time. Took one too many klonopin at night. My boyfriend called the squad and they took me to another psych unit. There I admitted that I was an addict. Got clean for about 30 days, then relapsed. Within two months I was taking about 12 different kind of pills. I forgot to mention that earlier that spring-the principal of my kids school wanted to drive me home from his school because she could tell that I was on something. (and I am a former teacher too) I convinced her I was fine. Also got pulled over my the cops in the middle of the daytime for bad driving when I was high on everything-convinced him that I had a seizure (I don't drink and passed the breathillizer) and they let me go after I got a ride home. For some reason none of this stopped me.
I was fortunate that I never had my kids taken away or was arrested. I didn't hit bottom until I ended my toxic relationship-and took a hard look at where my life had been and what it had become. I made a stark realization that these pills were killing me-literally and I was on the verge on losing everything. I had dodged the bullet many times and I knew my luck was running out. I laid on the couch for two months detoxing. (well not all the time, but just did what I had to do) After a while I started feeling better. I went for a job interview (back in sales-this time homehealth, know I can't do pharmaceuticals and be around pills all day)-And I got the job. Sober-So this woke me up that hey I can do anything off of those things. I realized that I still had a long life ahead of me-if I chose to live it the right way. I had slowly destroyed myself over the past 12 years-and it was time to rebuild myself.
I am still rebuilding-still working in the healthcare field. Have three awesome kids who are very involved in lots of school and extra curricular activities. Have earned the respect back of my friends and neighbors. It can be done-Sometimes we have to reach bottom (and its different for everyone) before we can start digging ourselves back out of the hole. Peace to everyone today. One day at a time.
Then you fast forward seven years-I was still in the industry (hadn't gotten caught in my addiction) and my husband commits suicide.-You would think that would have straightened me up. -No it was the poor me-I am a widow with three kids now, I deserve to be able to take these pills to cope with my reality. And local physicians that I knew bought into that "poor widow" concept. I didn't stop, I just added more pills (stimulants, downers, etc) to my cocktail.
Then fast forward to 2010-Fell into a deep depression (because I ran out of pills)-Voluntarily put myself in a psych ward. I am no longer working full time and am raising three small children. My family helps with the kids while I was gone for 8 days. It still wasn't my bottom-now I was convinced I had a mental illness (I didn't it was withdrawl from drugs, but I never told them) so I just took more pills.
Then came 2011-Got myself into a toxic relationship because I was out of my head-still not working full time. Took one too many klonopin at night. My boyfriend called the squad and they took me to another psych unit. There I admitted that I was an addict. Got clean for about 30 days, then relapsed. Within two months I was taking about 12 different kind of pills. I forgot to mention that earlier that spring-the principal of my kids school wanted to drive me home from his school because she could tell that I was on something. (and I am a former teacher too) I convinced her I was fine. Also got pulled over my the cops in the middle of the daytime for bad driving when I was high on everything-convinced him that I had a seizure (I don't drink and passed the breathillizer) and they let me go after I got a ride home. For some reason none of this stopped me.
I was fortunate that I never had my kids taken away or was arrested. I didn't hit bottom until I ended my toxic relationship-and took a hard look at where my life had been and what it had become. I made a stark realization that these pills were killing me-literally and I was on the verge on losing everything. I had dodged the bullet many times and I knew my luck was running out. I laid on the couch for two months detoxing. (well not all the time, but just did what I had to do) After a while I started feeling better. I went for a job interview (back in sales-this time homehealth, know I can't do pharmaceuticals and be around pills all day)-And I got the job. Sober-So this woke me up that hey I can do anything off of those things. I realized that I still had a long life ahead of me-if I chose to live it the right way. I had slowly destroyed myself over the past 12 years-and it was time to rebuild myself.
I am still rebuilding-still working in the healthcare field. Have three awesome kids who are very involved in lots of school and extra curricular activities. Have earned the respect back of my friends and neighbors. It can be done-Sometimes we have to reach bottom (and its different for everyone) before we can start digging ourselves back out of the hole. Peace to everyone today. One day at a time.
keep going!!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 0 .· ` ' / ·. 150
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My rock bottom was Thursday , I had a friend ask me " Why are you doing this to yourself"?
He gave me a copy of a movie he burned for me (Leaving LasVegas)
and told me I should watch this and that I needed to stop drinking.
I watched it last night, now I am determined to quit now.
He gave me a copy of a movie he burned for me (Leaving LasVegas)
and told me I should watch this and that I needed to stop drinking.
I watched it last night, now I am determined to quit now.
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