supafox

right i so very nearly cracked today as a matter of fact i think i did
i was on my way out the door to the chemist and thought i'll just see if anyones in the room and have a diet coke and 30mins later glad i did

the only thing more drugs will do is
tell my brain that more pills is the answer
and right now i feel ok so thank you all for your posts chats and everything that jusst saved my bacon codiene isnt the answer at all

finaltime

Smart move!!!!

supafox

day 9


well i feel crap and feel like the only thing that will make me happy is pills

Sunshine2

What will tomorrow and the days thereafter feel like if you give in? Hang in there!

Rossy

Good work supa.

OxyMaddened

Supafox,

You may well be convinced that's true, but then what's next when it wears off? You're back to square one. One common theme I've seen among myself and all the other people here that are, or have been dealing with Opiates, is how it slowly sucks the pleasure out of life. And it can be so subtle as to not even register until you just realize one day that everything that used to make you excited and happy in your life seems blase and pointless. You envelope yourself into a mentally walled existence. You start to pull away emotionally from everything and everyone that has always mattered. It can easily become an all-encompassing, selfish and lonely existence if you allow it.

For me, once I realized I was losing interest in the very things I've always been most passionate about, I knew things had to change. The fear of going through detox/withdrawal kept me from doing anything about it until I had nearly cleaned out my savings and started contemplating selling my vintage motorcycle collection.

During the height of the worst withdrawal symptoms, when I hadn't eaten or slept for days and was puking my guts out, I went to call up a friend for moral support to figure out a way to pass a few minutes...while each minute felt like an hour, each hour like days. I picked up my phone and there was a text from my dealer saying "the Doctor was in." He didn't know I'd finally decided to detox and try stopping the madness. The ironic thing was, as horrible as I felt, somehow I wasn't tempted...I told myself if I called him back, I would still have to go through this horrific experience again someday, and I sure didn't like it then. So I called him, not to get more pills, but to tell him what I was doing and to please not text me anymore. He was an ex in-law who was happy to oblige...hell, he had no shortage of customers.

It takes awhile for your brain to reset itself in a manner in which you can be allowed to take pleasure in life without it being unnaturally chemically induced.

Just try to think about how resuming what you've been putting yourself through will impact you, and also friends and family.

Alley241

Darling...you're in the easy part. While I was sick I HATED pills. The real mind torture is when you've been a month clean and the depression is about to kill you. That's when pills don't seem so bad... Being sick was so much easier for me. I didn't want a pill at all then...but I guess i've forgotten what torture I went through and am contemplating using. Don't do that. This **** had KILLED stronger people than us. We have to fight, and force ourselves to have a better life than those poor people. After rain there's a rainbow! I really believe that.