Dear,.....an open letter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am Trying
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 9
Dear,.....an open letter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I am in day three of my detox from prescribed Xanax use (11 year run) for my anxiety, I decided a letter to anxiety to be fitting.
Dear Anxiety, Panic Disorder and at times…Depression,
I thought I would write you here as you seem to have a presence. I mean you are quite famous, with forums dedicated to you, facebook groups, support groups…the list goes on. You are more famous than Frank Sinatra and that says a lot.
I would like to end our relationship. I know this seems harsh to you, but you have had to see it coming right? The Pills, the books…our relationship is very one sided and not healthy for me any longer, in fact, it never was. I thought we could coexist, and at times I felt I could work around your torment, but in the end it is best you go.
You have become the unwanted guest, the dinner guest who stays longs after the awkward silence in the living room when there is no more conversation to be had and only strange silence, while we wait to see who says “Well I should be going”, or my goodness I didn’t realize what time is was and better get ready for bed….hoping the other party takes the hint. It seems you are not good at hints and would rather watch me suffer instead. What type of entity does such a thing? You can’t argue with popular opinion. I mean, so many people share this view. How many more days do you need to ruin for me?
We have laughed together and cried together. After 11 years it is time we parted. We have got on planes together, been on stages together, spent many times in public bathrooms pulling myself together as you sat there and were no help, and even worse, the cause of it all. I didn’t know you when I was in Iraq, and have often wondered why after all these years you decided to look me up and try to hinder my complete existence. You cost me a job once and had the other company not gone under with the stock scandal, I would have lost that one due to you as well in the beginnings of our relationship.
I must say you have been an elusive opponent to say the least but we have to come to some sort of agreement. I have seen you take some of my friends, I assure you the former Marine in me will be the exception to that one. Do you remember when we first met? How terrified I was of you, I didn’t understand. All these years and medications later, I still fear you a bit, but hatred of you is more along the line of emotions I feel for you. You must admit you deserve it, and it is not without merit that I find your very existence a crime. I wish you could be tried for crimes against humanity. You have built up such resentment in me for you that I must request we part ways Anxiety….I also request that you take your trinity with you…panic and depression. I must get back to work now, hopefully you will leave me be at least for a while. You are like some of the crazed women I have dated that only left after they found someone else….but you have so many people and yet you still find the time to torment me. Perhaps I should be flattered but instead I am repulsed at this juncture.
Dear Anxiety, Panic Disorder and at times…Depression,
I thought I would write you here as you seem to have a presence. I mean you are quite famous, with forums dedicated to you, facebook groups, support groups…the list goes on. You are more famous than Frank Sinatra and that says a lot.
I would like to end our relationship. I know this seems harsh to you, but you have had to see it coming right? The Pills, the books…our relationship is very one sided and not healthy for me any longer, in fact, it never was. I thought we could coexist, and at times I felt I could work around your torment, but in the end it is best you go.
You have become the unwanted guest, the dinner guest who stays longs after the awkward silence in the living room when there is no more conversation to be had and only strange silence, while we wait to see who says “Well I should be going”, or my goodness I didn’t realize what time is was and better get ready for bed….hoping the other party takes the hint. It seems you are not good at hints and would rather watch me suffer instead. What type of entity does such a thing? You can’t argue with popular opinion. I mean, so many people share this view. How many more days do you need to ruin for me?
We have laughed together and cried together. After 11 years it is time we parted. We have got on planes together, been on stages together, spent many times in public bathrooms pulling myself together as you sat there and were no help, and even worse, the cause of it all. I didn’t know you when I was in Iraq, and have often wondered why after all these years you decided to look me up and try to hinder my complete existence. You cost me a job once and had the other company not gone under with the stock scandal, I would have lost that one due to you as well in the beginnings of our relationship.
I must say you have been an elusive opponent to say the least but we have to come to some sort of agreement. I have seen you take some of my friends, I assure you the former Marine in me will be the exception to that one. Do you remember when we first met? How terrified I was of you, I didn’t understand. All these years and medications later, I still fear you a bit, but hatred of you is more along the line of emotions I feel for you. You must admit you deserve it, and it is not without merit that I find your very existence a crime. I wish you could be tried for crimes against humanity. You have built up such resentment in me for you that I must request we part ways Anxiety….I also request that you take your trinity with you…panic and depression. I must get back to work now, hopefully you will leave me be at least for a while. You are like some of the crazed women I have dated that only left after they found someone else….but you have so many people and yet you still find the time to torment me. Perhaps I should be flattered but instead I am repulsed at this juncture.
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Anxiety has always been apart of my life. I believe it stems from having A.D.D. and a desire to conquer the world, if you know what I mean. Somewhere, somehow I learned to deal with most of it, but the biggest set back I generally refer to as procrastination. Some nights I procrastinate going to sleep simply because I want to avoid tomorrow. I much prefer to have commitments rather than deciding what I should do with my time. And basically thats where I am right now. I went to see the/my psychiatrist yesterday but she terminated our relationship because she's "a drug dealer" and I don't want any. So the best they can do is send me back to the counselor/therapist who will listen to me talk for 30 minutes, offer NO input, and then bill the insurance company.
Anyway I got 2 months off from school and have come to the conclusion that I need and want to stay busy, lest I fall back down that hill. Didn't accomplish what I wanted today, but atleast I got out of the house and went swimming and of course a meeting.
Gotta do a little bit better tomorrow, and i think that's the key. Nothing major, nothing drastic, just a little better.
Oh and by the way, sometimes I wonder if these thoughts and feelings aren't just really a normal part of life and maybe I'm just looking for an easier way. There's alot of things in life that make me uncomfortable, it doesn't mean they're wrong or that there's something wrong with me, I truelly believe it's just an indication that something needs to be done, and usually it ain't pacing in the living room.
Be well,
Larry
Anyway I got 2 months off from school and have come to the conclusion that I need and want to stay busy, lest I fall back down that hill. Didn't accomplish what I wanted today, but atleast I got out of the house and went swimming and of course a meeting.
Gotta do a little bit better tomorrow, and i think that's the key. Nothing major, nothing drastic, just a little better.
Oh and by the way, sometimes I wonder if these thoughts and feelings aren't just really a normal part of life and maybe I'm just looking for an easier way. There's alot of things in life that make me uncomfortable, it doesn't mean they're wrong or that there's something wrong with me, I truelly believe it's just an indication that something needs to be done, and usually it ain't pacing in the living room.
Be well,
Larry
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