Xanax Detox Days 1 & 2....the ride begins
I am Trying
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 9
Xanax Detox Days 1 & 2....the ride begins
I remember sitting outside Iraq. It was cold in the evening. We had just returned from a recon mission and taken some fire and gave some back. I was 23, a recon marine in combat and I was fearless. At 40, as I type this...I almost have to laugh at it all. Day one of detox was yesterday...11 years of prescribed xanax to come off of.....I survived day one...I was not sure I could....here are my accounts:
DETOX DAY 1 (perhaps the final day) Today has not been a good day. I cannot find it within myself to even explain it. This is day 1? If I make it to day two I will be shocked. I hit the wall for the first time...I always thought I hit the wall...but I had no clue. So much of me feels a strange sense or normalcy in ways I have not felt in years...other sides of me feel ******* stranger than fiction. I had some serious break the hell downs today. I never in my life have experienced what I did today. I saw things.... I was places ...like it was real I was there...but I was not. Oddly my BP is lower (it was always high even on the bp meds), my heart rate is not in the 80's and up as it always was even with the meds for that.... how the hell can this be? I mean was xanax truly ******* me up this badly or is the detox drug librium to blame for my day...maybe both? I do not know. I took the Librium and two hours later all hell in my mind and body broke out...but two hours later? that is odd. I will post again later or tomm...given the fact I survive the evening. In the event that I weigh it out and decide that this life is not for me, that I do not wish for a repeat of todays withdraw events ever again...for all the laughter and tears, the dreams the failures and even a few successes...it had been quite a ride. I have seen countries, had a record deal at 18....it had been an event if nothing else. Should I end up having dinner with Sinatra I can only say that I have learned very little since 2002 other than:
I am not as strong as I thought.
When I was a teen we used to throw firecrackers at a house of a man named mark. I was 12. He was a Marine Nam vet. It was funny to us to see his reaction. After I came back I realized how terrible that was of me. I tried a few years ago to look him up to say sorry...never found him..maybe he is not even alive. I didnt know when I was 13 that combat never ever ends in the mind.
Xanax is the pure ******* devil, but I cannot blame anyone but my dead dr. and myself.
If you not 40 like I am...enjoy whatever age bracket you are in...you never know what the future holds.
Say and do things you will regret...its ok...but always remember...NEVER regret anything, at one point in time it was exactly what you wanted to do.
Never let the opinions of yourself given by others control you. My mother left me locked in a car when I was 3 and never came back. Neighbors found me. I asked myself once...only once...what must have been so bad she about me that she didnt want me....I realized in that moment, this is was her loss. Now she is dying from thyroid storm and writing letters wishing to see me. No thank you madam, enjoy your trip to hell alone.
It is ok to be ****** up and have issues. Tell your story...tell it in words, music, poems...art...anyway that you can. It helps.
I miss my grandparents and the atari 2600
I could have been a contender (I loved when Brando said that in "On the waterfront". I would like it on my tombstone. It sounds much more interesting that "Stella" which he screamed in "A streetcar named desire"
I am not the master of my own destiny. I always wondered about that...now I know.
I understand drug addicts now.
I shall miss the simple things should I decide to leave. The smell of cookies around christmas, the opening line as the piano kicks in on frank sinatras one for my baby and one more for the road, cary grant films on a nice evening with my wife and I as out little daughter naps away...the window open and the sound of rain in the backdrop, grocery shopping with my wife...no matter what we do together we have always been happy as long as we are together, its how we have been all these years.
A lie can be a good thing. I climbed the corporate ladder without a degree of any kind. I was the youngest manager at worldcom at 30 (they thought I had a degree)
Being in college at 40 is horrific.
I am sure there is more....that is all for now...please carry on.
DETOX DAY 1 (perhaps the final day) Today has not been a good day. I cannot find it within myself to even explain it. This is day 1? If I make it to day two I will be shocked. I hit the wall for the first time...I always thought I hit the wall...but I had no clue. So much of me feels a strange sense or normalcy in ways I have not felt in years...other sides of me feel ******* stranger than fiction. I had some serious break the hell downs today. I never in my life have experienced what I did today. I saw things.... I was places ...like it was real I was there...but I was not. Oddly my BP is lower (it was always high even on the bp meds), my heart rate is not in the 80's and up as it always was even with the meds for that.... how the hell can this be? I mean was xanax truly ******* me up this badly or is the detox drug librium to blame for my day...maybe both? I do not know. I took the Librium and two hours later all hell in my mind and body broke out...but two hours later? that is odd. I will post again later or tomm...given the fact I survive the evening. In the event that I weigh it out and decide that this life is not for me, that I do not wish for a repeat of todays withdraw events ever again...for all the laughter and tears, the dreams the failures and even a few successes...it had been quite a ride. I have seen countries, had a record deal at 18....it had been an event if nothing else. Should I end up having dinner with Sinatra I can only say that I have learned very little since 2002 other than:
I am not as strong as I thought.
When I was a teen we used to throw firecrackers at a house of a man named mark. I was 12. He was a Marine Nam vet. It was funny to us to see his reaction. After I came back I realized how terrible that was of me. I tried a few years ago to look him up to say sorry...never found him..maybe he is not even alive. I didnt know when I was 13 that combat never ever ends in the mind.
Xanax is the pure ******* devil, but I cannot blame anyone but my dead dr. and myself.
If you not 40 like I am...enjoy whatever age bracket you are in...you never know what the future holds.
Say and do things you will regret...its ok...but always remember...NEVER regret anything, at one point in time it was exactly what you wanted to do.
Never let the opinions of yourself given by others control you. My mother left me locked in a car when I was 3 and never came back. Neighbors found me. I asked myself once...only once...what must have been so bad she about me that she didnt want me....I realized in that moment, this is was her loss. Now she is dying from thyroid storm and writing letters wishing to see me. No thank you madam, enjoy your trip to hell alone.
It is ok to be ****** up and have issues. Tell your story...tell it in words, music, poems...art...anyway that you can. It helps.
I miss my grandparents and the atari 2600
I could have been a contender (I loved when Brando said that in "On the waterfront". I would like it on my tombstone. It sounds much more interesting that "Stella" which he screamed in "A streetcar named desire"
I am not the master of my own destiny. I always wondered about that...now I know.
I understand drug addicts now.
I shall miss the simple things should I decide to leave. The smell of cookies around christmas, the opening line as the piano kicks in on frank sinatras one for my baby and one more for the road, cary grant films on a nice evening with my wife and I as out little daughter naps away...the window open and the sound of rain in the backdrop, grocery shopping with my wife...no matter what we do together we have always been happy as long as we are together, its how we have been all these years.
A lie can be a good thing. I climbed the corporate ladder without a degree of any kind. I was the youngest manager at worldcom at 30 (they thought I had a degree)
Being in college at 40 is horrific.
I am sure there is more....that is all for now...please carry on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Abomino--you don't have to be strong--you WILL get though it. There is light on the other side, my friend. Hang in there--your story will save so many--and you have the precious gift of being able to tell it so beautifully.
Keep smelling those cookies--keep grocery shopping with your wife. You're little girl so needs her Daddy. I lost mine--I know!
And I am in college at 40!
What you are going through is temporary. Go to the emergency room and get some help--tell them what you are going through--they should be able to help stabilize your feelings.
Keep smelling those cookies--keep grocery shopping with your wife. You're little girl so needs her Daddy. I lost mine--I know!
And I am in college at 40!
What you are going through is temporary. Go to the emergency room and get some help--tell them what you are going through--they should be able to help stabilize your feelings.
I am Trying
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 9
Thanks 
I will be the first to admit, I was supposed to show up at the center every morning at 7:30 am…starting Monday and Tuesday. I had been elusive in that area but showed up today around 9:30 am. I followed the protocol: Registration. Meet with nurse. Nurse examines your pills and takes blood pressure. I was told that I didn’t belong in the program being that I had not bought Xanax on the street nor taken more than prescribed, but that they would still detox me being that 11 years of Xanax use was a hefty count. Back to the waiting room where a woman spoke of children youth services stopping her childs visitation with her due to bed bugs and more drug use. I was now in the twilight zone, surrounded by crack addicts and the like. I think I may have been the only one dressed nicely in a pair of Guess jeans and a Gap button down shirt. I was then taken to see the shrink. I am told I must repeat this everyday as to not have seizures. I wanted someone to explain to me how coming there and getting more pills and having my blood pressure taken will prevent such said seizures. It is 12:37 PM and I must say it has been a ****** day. I will write more later.
I will be the first to admit, I was supposed to show up at the center every morning at 7:30 am…starting Monday and Tuesday. I had been elusive in that area but showed up today around 9:30 am. I followed the protocol: Registration. Meet with nurse. Nurse examines your pills and takes blood pressure. I was told that I didn’t belong in the program being that I had not bought Xanax on the street nor taken more than prescribed, but that they would still detox me being that 11 years of Xanax use was a hefty count. Back to the waiting room where a woman spoke of children youth services stopping her childs visitation with her due to bed bugs and more drug use. I was now in the twilight zone, surrounded by crack addicts and the like. I think I may have been the only one dressed nicely in a pair of Guess jeans and a Gap button down shirt. I was then taken to see the shrink. I am told I must repeat this everyday as to not have seizures. I wanted someone to explain to me how coming there and getting more pills and having my blood pressure taken will prevent such said seizures. It is 12:37 PM and I must say it has been a ****** day. I will write more later.
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