WarriorQueen

I relapsed around a week ago. I found my boyfriends dad's Hydrocodone 10/750 and I stole a handful. Now I'm worried about what will happen when / if he notices they are gone....
Should I tell my boyfriend? I'm really scared that he would leave me...
He is the only support that I have and If I lose him, i can't do this... day 3 today... :/ I'm scared.
And I'm beating myself up over it because it was a STUPID thing to do....

Chrisy

I have found the honesty is the best policy. He would rather hear it from you, then to find out that you didn't love him enough to tell him the truth yourself.

I remember when my dad was alive he would always tell me, that he didn't care what I did, but he wanted to hear the truth from me. If I told him the truth, we would work together to find solutions; but if I lied or didn't tell him the whole truth, that I was on my own and I knew he would be disappointed and loose respect. Maybe your boyfriend/ and his dad if you are honest will forgive and help you gain the clean and sober living you want.

I know you want it as much as I do. I find that writing is easier for me, so I would suggest you write your boyfriend a letter telling him the truth and that once he has read it that you talk one on one. Never give up trying to speak the truth to those you love and to help them hear and accept the truth. The truth is what sets us free.

Good luck, and hope this helps in some small way.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

aeo1313

I don't have any advice, but I've been where you are. At a family dinner I went into the bathroom and stole some pills from my cousin who was visiting- I looked through their travel case. I have also stolen from my mom and once from a friend when we were at her house for dinner. I was most scared after that one bc I took about 15 pills and I didn't want my friends to know. That was in January and I don't think they ever knew.

My sponsor said eventually I will have to tell about my taking of the pills- when I am ready, but not before then. Me staying clean and sober first!

WarriorQueen

Thank you both.. I really want to be honest about it, but I feel like he would freak. I feel like he would leave me for stealing from his family. I shouldn't have done it and I wasnt even thinking when I did it...and i so regret it... but I dont know how they will react. And I can't lose him right now...

aeo1313

I may be in the minority here, but I would not say anything right now. What are you doing to stay clean? As I said- I have not confessed to the people I stole from and I don't look foreward to doing so- but to work my steps I know I will in the future.

Chrisy

maybe the thing is to write you feelings in a letter, but don't give it to him yet. At least it would help you to get your feelings out.

Good luck, we are on your side.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

WarriorQueen

In trying to stay clean, I've been "attending" online NA meetings and reading my NA and AA books everyday, as well as posting meditations when I remember. Lol. I dont have a way to get to an actual meeting or get a sponsor, so I'm a little alone.
Maybe I will try writing about it... I used to write a lot.

Chrisy

Writting does help. Even if you never show them to anyone. They do have a blog here if you don't mind having an online journal.

We are here to support you and encourage you on your path to sober living. We will make it. There is a better life out there for us and we must continue to strive for it. You are doing the right things and I believe you will be blessed for your effort.

Love and Blessings
Chrisy

oldgrowth

dito

Dee74

I think honesty is always the best policy WQ.
Too many secrets weigh me down, ramps up the guilt and fear and saps my self esteem, and all that pushes me closer to my drug of choice.

Apart from that, I think it's better coming from you rather than being found out.

D

WarriorQueen

I told my boyfriend what I did last night, and I told his mother this morning... Shes still deciding on consequences for me, but whatever she decides, I will do. I will do anything to gain her trust back.

IvanKatz

I'm glad you had the honesty to come forward and admit your transgression. I know this is not pleasant for you one bit but I believe that in the grand scheme of things, it is for the best.
If I may, I'd like you to consider writing a daily journal. It will help you sort your feelings, keep tabs on your ups, downs, victories, and failures. It will be of great value to you later on when you can look back on it in the future. Yo may find it especially helpful later on when you've been clean for a while and think you can use again. After all, we all go through periods when we've been sober for a long time and your addict brain tries to convince you it OK to do so later on. It's a sad reality that our addict brains tend to make you forget the bad times and lies to you making you think that a couple of pills 6 months later won't hurt you. It's a giant lie but a convincing one at that. Having a journal to take you back to the hurtful times may help prevent you from doing the wrong thing.
Whatever you do, stay strong! Don't live in the past but rather embrace your future on day at a time.

Stride34

I agree that you did the right thing. I know how unpleasant it is, but its good for the soul.

IvanKatz

Accepting responsibility for something bad you did (especially in this case) is a huge step. You are admitting to yourself and other that you have a problem. Taking responsibility is a huge step. If the other party treats you like cr@p... So be it. Just be confident in yourself and most of all, accept responsibility for yourself. You are my hero for the day!

WarriorQueen

Thank you!
I'm so scared that she will never trust me again...
My boyfriend told me some of the things shes considering to allow me back over again.
So far its I can't be in the house alone for a while, I must go to NA meetings and be serious about them, no drinking.... That's it so far.
I'm learning not to hate myself for this, but hate my addiction instead...

IvanKatz

You're doing all the right things my dear. THis is a huge test of your character and willingness to grow as a person. So far, you've passed the test but I'm sure many more tests will come too. You should be proud of the fact you came clean and accepted responsibility. Don't beat yourself up at this point. Just be determined and vigilant about what you do from here on out. You are stronger than you think you are. Just don't give into the voices of failure and self ridicule. Especially don't allow yourself to be put down by the gossipers around you. Hold your chin up high and fight the good fight. Be humble, and most of all - be yourself. Don't think about next week or next month. Just think about what you need to do today. One day at a time!