Addict brain is awake and in full force!
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Addict brain is awake and in full force!
when you get to that point where your addict voice is wide awake and bugging, it is essential you stay close to your recovery, where you feel safe. I have a cold right now, strep throat, headache, and feel like crap. At 100 and something days pill free, the addict voice keeps telling me to medicate. I so want to take the pain away, lay around in the rain and feel good...It keeps saying go get nyquil, go get something, but I know I can not trust myself with any pills. I have abused Nyquil, pretty much all cold medicine, and refuse to have my husband go get my anything. Even last night before bed my bad voice was tempting me to take 4 tylenol PM's so I could sleep it off....NO WAY. I refuse. I worked way to hard to get to this point. And even though Nyquil or whatever is not my DOC, it still can get my high. I have taken 8 or so nyquils in the past so I could lay around and just not feel normal.....I must stay on my toes, or i could slip up. 
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I really have not had the pressure from him in a quite a while. Then I started feeling the cold come on a few days back, and it awoke. One of the many times I tried to come clean, I was clean off opiates, but was downing bottles of Robitussin like it was going out of style. I even started popping 10 or so Tylenol colds during work (and I am a teacher) just to feel that difference, not have to focus on being normal...So I know I can not have the cold crap in my house. Thankfully I have been able to keep the tylenol PM's since they give me no high, just put me to sleep. There has been a time where I took those nightly as well, just so I didn't have to be the real me to fall asleep. Amazing how strong our addict voices can be, and how aware we have to stay in order to not fall to it!!!!! Thank you for the responses, it helps.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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I can - I understand where you are at. This is exactly the reason I relapsed. I had a terrible migraine headache and had it for a couple weeks and nothing was working so I decided to take care of it myself. Well it didn't work out for me. I ended up taking care of it for a few months and then had to do a cold turkey again going back to those memories of why I wanted off drugs again in the first place. The last time I had a bad migraine I went to the doctor. Got something non-narcotic that words....hurts like a B**** to use but glad my headache is gone.
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icandoit
Amen to all you have had to say. I noticed you in other posts. I found out I can get high on virtually anything and you seem the same. Give me medication and my brain will find a way to turn it into a high. Maybe not such a good one but high all the same.
I was in rehab for alcohol years ago and really wasn't having any trouble with withdrawls even after many years of bourbon. The nursing staff felt that this couldn't be so insisted I take something - whatever it was - and I got high. A really nice one too. I couldn't wait till the next dose was due.
So I am in the same boat as you. I can't take anything and will have to gut out whatever comes along in the way of pain or illness. I am just not suited to take medication.
Amen to all you have had to say. I noticed you in other posts. I found out I can get high on virtually anything and you seem the same. Give me medication and my brain will find a way to turn it into a high. Maybe not such a good one but high all the same.
I was in rehab for alcohol years ago and really wasn't having any trouble with withdrawls even after many years of bourbon. The nursing staff felt that this couldn't be so insisted I take something - whatever it was - and I got high. A really nice one too. I couldn't wait till the next dose was due.
So I am in the same boat as you. I can't take anything and will have to gut out whatever comes along in the way of pain or illness. I am just not suited to take medication.
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LH, I know where you are coming from 100%. January 14th my back went out, I had been clean since Novembe 14th from narcos, and decided to head to the doctor and get me some 20mg oxys. My husband held them, I took one in the morning and one at night. Once they were gone I secretly went back, got more. Once those were gone I got more. Then my daughter came running out one morning with the box! My husband lost it...all along he thought that I was getting one script and once those were done, I was done. But I just could not stop! That was Feb 16th. I havent had a pill since! I did just go to the bathroom and saw the benadryl, even though they do not do anything to me I still look at them with that eye.
Oxy, we are in the same boat....I just can not hang when it comes to any substance, I want more and more and more until I feel out of my mind.
Oxy, we are in the same boat....I just can not hang when it comes to any substance, I want more and more and more until I feel out of my mind.
sobriety date 5-2-12
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Originally Posted by icandoit12 
LH, I know where you are coming from 100%. January 14th my back went out, I had been clean since Novembe 14th from narcos, and decided to head to the doctor and get me some 20mg oxys. My husband held them, I took one in the morning and one at night. Once they were gone I secretly went back, got more. Once those were gone I got more. Then my daughter came running out one morning with the box! My husband lost it...all along he thought that I was getting one script and once those were done, I was done. But I just could not stop! That was Feb 16th. I havent had a pill since! I did just go to the bathroom and saw the benadryl, even though they do not do anything to me I still look at them with that eye.
Oxy, we are in the same boat....I just can not hang when it comes to any substance, I want more and more and more until I feel out of my mind.
Oxy, we are in the same boat....I just can not hang when it comes to any substance, I want more and more and more until I feel out of my mind.
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Not saying that is funny about the twitching, but I have been there too. My father and stepmom have a full pharmacy at their house, been many of times that I have tried new things...many of times I have ended up feeling super weird, or not even getting high, just not being able to sleep. I have put my life at risk by trying stuff I should not. Even taking 2 boxes of Chinese tylenol cold, ugh..gross. So happy to be clean!
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ahh, i know what you mean! i had terrible tooth pain tonight. i mean i was craving all day, but that intensified it. i just wanted to numb myself so badly.. the night isnt over yet so i dont know, but for now i think i made the right choice by pushing myself to finally start posting on this damn site! lol
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DO NOT take anything, if anything take some tylenol or ibuprofen. I am on day 3 now of being sick, not withdrawals of course, 100 something days off opiates, but cold sick. I have taken just the meds prescribed, and feel good. I swear, I am just tired of laying on the damn couch..I can feel my butt getting bigger every moment! But at least I am resting. I keep thinking to myself this is my body finally saying goodbye to the drugs. Even though it has been over 3 months, I think this is the final thing. After this sickness is gone, I must get myself into the gym!
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DO NOT take anything, if anything take some tylenol or ibuprofen. I am on day 3 now of being sick, not withdrawals of course, 100 something days off opiates, but cold sick. I have taken just the meds prescribed, and feel good. I swear, I am just tired of laying on the damn couch..I can feel my butt getting bigger every moment! But at least I am resting. I keep thinking to myself this is my body finally saying goodbye to the drugs. Even though it has been over 3 months, I think this is the final thing. After this sickness is gone, I must get myself into the gym!
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