I cant take this anymore!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ishpeming, MI
Posts: 4
I cant take this anymore!
I'm 10 days clean from opiets. The kind I used were anykind I could get my hands on. It lasted for about 3 1/2 years or so. I'm depressed and suicidal. I cry everyday and cant leave my house or even get active. I'd rather sleep all day then be awake. But I cant sleep all day. My body wont let me.
I dont know when I will feel normal and this is really making me want to just use all over again. Im sick of the mental anguish. I also just dont care about anything. Its a numb and sorrowing feeling. They say it gets better but I dont know how long I can stand feeling like this everyday. I dont have coldsweats or any of those symptoms anymore (thank god) but this overwhelming depression and being tired all the time makes me wonder if I will ever feel normal again.
I refuse to see a doctor. Trust me, the ones around here are incompetent. Im just left alone in an empty room starring into a computer screen unable to enjoy life. This is pathetic and I feel so lost. When will it all go away!?
I dont know when I will feel normal and this is really making me want to just use all over again. Im sick of the mental anguish. I also just dont care about anything. Its a numb and sorrowing feeling. They say it gets better but I dont know how long I can stand feeling like this everyday. I dont have coldsweats or any of those symptoms anymore (thank god) but this overwhelming depression and being tired all the time makes me wonder if I will ever feel normal again.
I refuse to see a doctor. Trust me, the ones around here are incompetent. Im just left alone in an empty room starring into a computer screen unable to enjoy life. This is pathetic and I feel so lost. When will it all go away!?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: England
Posts: 276
Welcome to SR - if you are having suicidal thoughts then please seek professional help as they will be able to aid your recovery.
When I stopped taking cocaine my mental state was a mess and without professional help via a doctor and shrink I'm not sure if I could be clean today. My shrink helped me understand that cocaine has altered my mental state talking about my feelings really helped.
If you are unhappy with your doctor then please find another one as its important that you get help to reduce the pain.
When I stopped taking cocaine my mental state was a mess and without professional help via a doctor and shrink I'm not sure if I could be clean today. My shrink helped me understand that cocaine has altered my mental state talking about my feelings really helped.
If you are unhappy with your doctor then please find another one as its important that you get help to reduce the pain.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
can you taper off? if you're going cold turkey, just hang tough, drink a lot of water and orange juice. It will get better after each day. And if you can, sleep a lot.
If you feel some unusual withdrawal symptoms that feel need of medical attention go to the emergency.
Also, please follow up with a psychiatrist, so that you won't repeat the same cycle every time you hit a difficult bump in the road.
If you feel some unusual withdrawal symptoms that feel need of medical attention go to the emergency.
Also, please follow up with a psychiatrist, so that you won't repeat the same cycle every time you hit a difficult bump in the road.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
I'm pretty sure your body just went through a trauma with all the drugs. It takes time for your body and mind to adjust and recover. I know it's hard now, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel and you can fight your way through this with patience and the knowledge of what happens if you don't. Stay strong and don't give up. As for the poor doctors in your area? Find another area. Don't give up on medical help, there's a good doctor out there, you just need to keep looking until you find him. There's a reason you quit drugs. It means you care about your life, don't forget that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 200
Hybrid,
Hang in there and know you are not alone. You CAN do this. I do think you should contact a doctor to help you with your mood. Once we use drugs to alter the brain chemicals, we sometimes need help to get them regulated.
~Pandie
Hang in there and know you are not alone. You CAN do this. I do think you should contact a doctor to help you with your mood. Once we use drugs to alter the brain chemicals, we sometimes need help to get them regulated.
~Pandie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 26
Hybrid,
I completely understand where you are coming from. The depression is more debilitating than the actual physical withdrawals. But, every day you don't use, is a day your brain heals.
People who are not addicts don't understand this kind of depression...it sucks the life out of you and you become unmotivated. You isolate. You want to sleep it all off and wake up to find Life waiting for you again. It doesn't work that way. But please, please see a doctor for your suicidal feelings.
If not, remember that it is coming from your brain healing. Look at all the people on here who had to go through that "rite of passage" to get to recovery. It is terrible and terrifying. But, it does go away and your old self will come back.
I was 30 days clean when I got a major neck injury just recently. My doctor prescribed me Tramadol (which is a partial opiate) for pain, along with other things. Anyways, the Tramadol hardly touched the pain because my brain says "that's not enough! We want the really strong stuff like we used to have".
I quit using the Tramadol. I got into a deep depression only a few days of using i, and went to my psychiatrist and was prescribed an anti-depressant that helps with nerve pain and depression. I know it takes several weeks for the full effect to take effect, but sometimes we need to go that route. I resisted it, but I've come to a crossroads, and are exactly where you are now.
If you are going to go the anti-D route, tell your doctor about your cocaine use. There are alot of meds out there that could make things worse. Get on the right one, give it some time (4-6 weeks at the most) and you will feel different.
In the meantime, you can do little things to keep your brain occupied while you go through this: exercise, take a walk, watch funny movies (increases the endorphins in your brain), make sure you eat well...even though you don't feel like it...put something in your stomach (good food) every few hours. Drink plenty of fluids. Wash these drugs out of your bloodstream. Little things count like: just taking a shower. Or throwing in a load of laundry. Or reading on these forums. Pray, even if you don't feel like it.
I will pray for you too. Know this will get better. And please find a doctor right away. You don't have to suffer like this: You choose Life and that is the biggest commitment and accomplishment you can make.
In my prayers
I completely understand where you are coming from. The depression is more debilitating than the actual physical withdrawals. But, every day you don't use, is a day your brain heals.
People who are not addicts don't understand this kind of depression...it sucks the life out of you and you become unmotivated. You isolate. You want to sleep it all off and wake up to find Life waiting for you again. It doesn't work that way. But please, please see a doctor for your suicidal feelings.
If not, remember that it is coming from your brain healing. Look at all the people on here who had to go through that "rite of passage" to get to recovery. It is terrible and terrifying. But, it does go away and your old self will come back.
I was 30 days clean when I got a major neck injury just recently. My doctor prescribed me Tramadol (which is a partial opiate) for pain, along with other things. Anyways, the Tramadol hardly touched the pain because my brain says "that's not enough! We want the really strong stuff like we used to have".
I quit using the Tramadol. I got into a deep depression only a few days of using i, and went to my psychiatrist and was prescribed an anti-depressant that helps with nerve pain and depression. I know it takes several weeks for the full effect to take effect, but sometimes we need to go that route. I resisted it, but I've come to a crossroads, and are exactly where you are now.
If you are going to go the anti-D route, tell your doctor about your cocaine use. There are alot of meds out there that could make things worse. Get on the right one, give it some time (4-6 weeks at the most) and you will feel different.
In the meantime, you can do little things to keep your brain occupied while you go through this: exercise, take a walk, watch funny movies (increases the endorphins in your brain), make sure you eat well...even though you don't feel like it...put something in your stomach (good food) every few hours. Drink plenty of fluids. Wash these drugs out of your bloodstream. Little things count like: just taking a shower. Or throwing in a load of laundry. Or reading on these forums. Pray, even if you don't feel like it.
I will pray for you too. Know this will get better. And please find a doctor right away. You don't have to suffer like this: You choose Life and that is the biggest commitment and accomplishment you can make.
In my prayers
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Yes the depression that comes with opiate withdrawals can be relentless. It does lift, but can linger for a bit. I know you said you are not going to see a doctor, but if you feel that depressed it might be a good idea. You might not be a meeting / program person, but getting to a meeting and sharing and seeing there are others who have made it through exactly what you are going through helps. I remember feeling exactly as you describe. Sleep was the only reprieve. Waking up was miserable because I would realize I am still me and have to go through another day. Maybe try a therapist. Anything to break the cycle. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 34
Please just go see a doctor they can help you! I am ten days clean off opiates as well. And it does get better I promise. I was already taking a antidepressant for nerve pain but I am still depressed at times and want to stay in bed but that is not an option for me. Hang in there it will get better.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Bay Shore, NY
Posts: 5
Get to an NA or AA meeting and share these things. People there have all been in your shoes, and will make it a point to help you out. Being alone in your own head isn't the best idea right now, it makes it much more difficult than it has to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 33
Greetings Hybird,
I can totaly relate to your struggle. Over the last 2 years I have been trying to quit, cut down, tapper off etc of oxycodone. My moment of clarity came when I began using heroin to ease withdrawl symptoms. In my sick brain I would justify the heroin use because after all its not oxy right? Thank God I had enough clarity to seek medical help.
My Doc suggested suboxone, and I was extremely hesitant at first but after exhausting all the strength I had, I could not take the deppresion/panic that came with the w/d. Remember w/d is different for all who go through it. I had existing problems w/depression and anxiety, w/d just put those emotions on steroids.
I am now on a very low dose of sub/day, and I have 28 days clean. I can honestly say that these 28 days have been the best that I have had for the last 10 years.
I know that the subs that I am taking now will have to be dealt with in time m(im planing on being off in 6 months) but the fact that I am not using oxy, and I am not holed up in my apt is priceless.
I can also state that going to aa/na meetings and working the steps has been just as important to my recovery than the subs.
Im not in any way saying that you should look into subs, or a twelve step group. That is up to you. My point is that you should seek, and listen to the help that is available to you, it may save your life.
Good Luck,
HD
I can totaly relate to your struggle. Over the last 2 years I have been trying to quit, cut down, tapper off etc of oxycodone. My moment of clarity came when I began using heroin to ease withdrawl symptoms. In my sick brain I would justify the heroin use because after all its not oxy right? Thank God I had enough clarity to seek medical help.
My Doc suggested suboxone, and I was extremely hesitant at first but after exhausting all the strength I had, I could not take the deppresion/panic that came with the w/d. Remember w/d is different for all who go through it. I had existing problems w/depression and anxiety, w/d just put those emotions on steroids.
I am now on a very low dose of sub/day, and I have 28 days clean. I can honestly say that these 28 days have been the best that I have had for the last 10 years.
I know that the subs that I am taking now will have to be dealt with in time m(im planing on being off in 6 months) but the fact that I am not using oxy, and I am not holed up in my apt is priceless.
I can also state that going to aa/na meetings and working the steps has been just as important to my recovery than the subs.
Im not in any way saying that you should look into subs, or a twelve step group. That is up to you. My point is that you should seek, and listen to the help that is available to you, it may save your life.
Good Luck,
HD
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: AZ
Posts: 247
i am sorry you are having to go through this. If you feel like sucide is an answer I would encourage to seek help right away. sucide is never the answer and only hurts the people who love you the most and you leave behind, always wondering if there was something I could have done different to help you. I know what it is like for deep emotional pain of abuse and being told by my mom how she hate me. I have PTSD and I use food to deal with the emotional pain, but now I am a diabetic so I need to for the first time try anti anxity pills just to deal with my mother's verbal rantings at me. maybe it is because I am Roman Catholic, but I believe sucide is a sin, so I would never kill myself, I would just eat myself to death, lol. I Have an eating disorder. I eat and eat so I am overweight and diabetic. The great thing about addictions is that we have many of them. We have an addictive personality that makes us addicted to many habbits. We trade one habbit for another, we lie to ourselves and others, and we allow the drug of choice to control us.
The thing I am finding with the pain management doctors is that they prescribe something for you, and it doesnt' work. So you call them up and say it isn't working can we try something else, they say they don't write more then one script a month so you suffer until next month. It makes one not want to try new ways as if they don't work there is no getting something else until next month. I have a bad shoulder and neck and I have been on oxycodone. I was 15mg and then I got off those and so they talked into trying 5 mg, and it does nothing for the pain. I will make it through the next 3 weeks with ointment, anti inflamatory and other non drug treatments. If I can find a non drug treatment plan that works then in three weeks I will say no more pills of anything.
I don't feel the pt helped the neck and shoulder so I don't know what the next option is. Surgery? I am scared of surgery, as I have to have two eye surgeries this Summer. One eye at a time. I don't want three surgeries this Summer, plus others have said it doesn't really work and people are in more pain then before.
This website has been a blessing to me and I hope it will be for you too. People don't judge you here, we just are here to support, encourage, and hopefully inspire you to make it through the hell we have to go through before being in the heaven of a happy life free and clean. We just have to work the program and not go back to listening to our old voices of let's take this drug or drink that drink. We need to play new records of life is so much better clean. Good luck and I pray that all will go well with you.
Chrisy
The thing I am finding with the pain management doctors is that they prescribe something for you, and it doesnt' work. So you call them up and say it isn't working can we try something else, they say they don't write more then one script a month so you suffer until next month. It makes one not want to try new ways as if they don't work there is no getting something else until next month. I have a bad shoulder and neck and I have been on oxycodone. I was 15mg and then I got off those and so they talked into trying 5 mg, and it does nothing for the pain. I will make it through the next 3 weeks with ointment, anti inflamatory and other non drug treatments. If I can find a non drug treatment plan that works then in three weeks I will say no more pills of anything.
I don't feel the pt helped the neck and shoulder so I don't know what the next option is. Surgery? I am scared of surgery, as I have to have two eye surgeries this Summer. One eye at a time. I don't want three surgeries this Summer, plus others have said it doesn't really work and people are in more pain then before.
This website has been a blessing to me and I hope it will be for you too. People don't judge you here, we just are here to support, encourage, and hopefully inspire you to make it through the hell we have to go through before being in the heaven of a happy life free and clean. We just have to work the program and not go back to listening to our old voices of let's take this drug or drink that drink. We need to play new records of life is so much better clean. Good luck and I pray that all will go well with you.
Chrisy
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