Captain1

I'm up it's 1 am here. I have tossed and turned for hours in bed the pain is horrific,relentless,burning, slowly killing me. Right now all I want is a few hours of pain relief. I don't want to go through all of this again nor do I think I can. I'm just trying to get to my next dr's appointment even though I don't believe there is much hope to be had there. I have thought of ending this pain in many ways. But I love my wife and family and don't think I could put them through more pain of there own.

Impurrfect

(((Captain))) - though my withdrawal from my DOC was mental...I understand.

Thing is, we use, and then we get back to where we want to stop. It's a viscious circle that doesn't end until we're finally done.

I'm an RA AND a codpendent and my A stepmom has gotten me to the point where I wanted to be NUMB!!! In 8 days, I'll have 5 years in recovery. I stayed glued to SR until I got re-grounded.

Using? yeah, it will ease what you're going through for a while. But then? You'll feel horrible that you gave in. Been there, done that, got t-shirts in a rainbow of colors.

These feelings don't last forever. Promise. Your body is just trying to get used to not having the drugs.

Stay strong, sweetie. This can be the LAST time you have to go through this.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Captain1

I feel like what's the use anymore. I have poured my heart out to every doctor for the chance they might believe me. today was another hard day new family doctor told me I was flagged and he had a hard time taking me as a patient. I told him I'm 1 month 3 weeks clean and I'd do a drop for him. I don't see how living this way with this much back pain is worth it. If my dog was in this much pain I would put him down. Sorry to be a downer tonight. Wish everyone else the best.

finaltime

Do you have a mayo clinic in your area?

keltie

I am so sorry. I, too, am in a position where I have legitimate back pain and also opiate addiction troubles. It sucks. But as my sponsor told me, "addicts have the right to get pain relief too!" I saw a pain management doc almost two weeks ago and he gave me a really weird attitude when he found out (because I pointed it out!) that I had opiate trouble. I assured him that I had it under control now, have a plan for someone holding them for me, etc. He wants to give me spinal epidural blocks but left me with no scripts. Fortunately I have a Pdoc who believes me and prescribes a *small* dose of hydros (20mg per day)- enough to get me thru till I see this other doctor again. If he gives me a weird attitude again I am seeking another doc.

Seriously...if it's to the point where you are even thinking of such drastic measures, can you go to the ER? You deserve to NOT be in pain, addict or not!! I am so angry on your behalf. Hope you're feeling better this morning.

likehappiness

Captain. I think you need to find someone who will help you manage your pain. I do not have regular pain and was using just to be using.
Sorry you feel so crappy but I agree with others...you can't just be in pain.. Life isn't suppose to be miserable. I just had that issue last two weeks when I had awful migraine headache. Needed something to help the pain but can't take opiates. Thank goodness I tried a nasal spray of Tordol which helped me. It burned like hell but it actually took care of my migraine and I don't have to worry about becoming addicted! I just don't want my doctor thinking I am drug seeking cause that will **** me off. I just wanted some help.

Captain1

They won't see me because they are afraid of be pulled into a lawsuit. Even though that had never come out of my mouth. There exact words were they can see me 2 years after my last surgery.

Anyway I'm still in pain going to the headache dr cause to top it all off I'm starting my cluster headache cycle. And my bipolar sister is going through a manic break right now. I feel like god is throwing everything he can at me right now.

As far as trying to get pain management again I just saw my new family doctor. Had to explain my whole life because he didn't want to take me at first. I am red flagged now because of my surgeon. Got so angry I asked to read the nurses notes before he judge me. Because I already told her I went through detox almost 2 months clean never took them for fun just pain. And to top it off I told him to grab a cup and test me! made me so angry. What happened to our health care it's a joke.

Thanks for all your thoughts

keltie

I have kind of a crazy (no?)thought...What about getting a lawyer? This is so not right. The hospital messed you up, right? I don't understand about what's going on w/ the Mayo clinic...why won't they see you until 2 years? Have you thought about getting legal help?

KuanYin

Unless he has a ton of $$$ to drop on a lawyer, I'd bet he can't find one to even talk to him. In the current political climate (the Anti-Pill-Mill-Bills), if he has been "red-flagged", even a lawyer will be afraid of being sued, because if he uses and OD's..... see what I'm saying? That said, I'm on HIS side! No one should suffer, and I see so many people in legitimate pain in need of medications who cannot get them because of the current mess.

I'm still new to the forum so I don't know what happened, I assume a surgery gone wrong. Just a thought, is there a physician around who could prescribe low doses of Methadone for chronic pain management? I know the regulations vary from state to state, but you could always contact your state Methadone Authority and get answers if you are interested in going that route. (Methadone of course has its drawbacks as well, just offering an alternative.)

Captain1

So... Basically I have to sign the document that states if rush finds something they can't be brought into a lawsuit which is fine with me. If they find something a lawyer will take me on unless I sue the dr for defamation of character. The lawyers just don't like medical cases like this because they literally have to know as much as the doctors about the disorder. They want winning cases or proof they are going to make income off it before they will take you.Called my friend who's a lawyer. Told me he's tried a few cases but lost because you must be well versed medically as well a legally.
I go to the doctor next week so we will see.

Impurrfect

(((Captain))) - I am NOT giving medical advice, but I will tell you..I was an RN for 12 years. I lost that career to my addiction. I later got a job, waiting tables, and we had TWO armed robberies, the second one I was pistol-whipped and workmen's comp said "we don't deal with mental trauma". That's what they said in my state.

I'm no pro, I did file a lawsuit, and I did get a settlement. I didn't get rich, but I got more than I would have made in tips for a year.

I have a good bit of medical knowledge, been through a lawsuit, and am coming up on 5 years in recovery. PM me if you want to talk.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Stopdropburn

I don't have much of anything useful to add, it just stuns me that people, anyone, would have to be treated like that and jump through hoops when they are being open and forward with the doctor from the start. Meanwhile, I've lost count of how many people I've met that were scripted meds they didn't really need and turned around and sold right out of the pharmacy. Shame. I hope you find the monitored relief you're looking for, and that you can avoid any legal setbacks. Take care.

Captain1

If I was reading this I would have a hard time believing all of this is true. It's simply amazing rereading my medical notebook. All the appointments, shots, injections, begging for meds, wife taking to the hospital cause the pain was so far out of control found a blood clot in my spinal cord, infection ect... I love the fact I'm clean to me it's a big FU to the doctors. When they bring up my past I can say well what's your answer now I'm not on painkillers. I sometimes wonder if I'm being tested so I say bring it on more pain more problems I won't break!