Repost - Day 5 and counting
I Am Burning ; I Will Rise
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 286
Repost - Day 5 and counting
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Hey everyone. Not sure what to put here really, I've read forums on addiction/withdrawl countless times, but never have I posted something of my own. I started taking lortab and codeine sometime occasionally in highschool, which I was given by my mother for back pains due to scoliosis. Once I had my wisdom teeth out and recieved my first script, I gradually started using a few more and a few more as each week progressed. Eventually, after graduating higschool and starting real work, I started making tabs my breakfast, snack, lunch, snack again, and dinner, and anything in between I was sad, mad, having anxiety......I worked in an office that opiate addiction was spreading through like a disease, so they were always easy to obtain. Starting at 5's, then 7's, then 10's, then oxycodone, by that point I was still convinced that anyone using heroin or oxycontin or morphine were the junkies and I was fine because I was using the noob drugs........despite going through all my paychecks, and my savings, and borrowing money to get enough to get by, desparately trying to recycle bottles and sell things just to get by.....*Who says when you crossed the Junkie-Line?*....probably when you show up to work because that's where your dealers are, not because you're concerned about work. Over the course of a year or two as prices started going up I had to start sneaking out to my dealers to keep my ex from finding out, which worked on and off, regardless, never hindering me from making up every excuse in the book to need to go out for a few minutes. When they started getting few and far between, I let my dealer talk me into trying OC's, or nothing.....so started the snorting experiments. Within months I had begun obtaining ANYTHING that could get my buzz....tabs, Oxcod, OC's, morphine sulphate, Roxy's, Subs.......everything, no intention of maintenancing or weening down, just continuing to use harder and harder chems, becoming more and more broke and desparate. It ruined nearly every aspect of my life trying to afford and locate opiates all the time.....I eventually even started stealing my mothers, and when those were gone, I even stole dozens and dozens of tramadol from her and her boyfriend just to keep the bugs out....terrible. Eventually I just couldn't afford all the different choices, so I settled into Suboxone (self-medicating through my dealer), because he had a regular contact....it started with the intent to use for two weeks, then detox for two weeks.....the detox never happened, just kept going back for more and more subs, ....and I continued to do so for the next few years, only switching from subs when they were unavailable, or going into complete desparate junkie mode waiting. So for years I kept hidden to the best of my abilities my addiction and continued to use subs, only using something else when I couldn't get them. I tried to stop a few weeks ago, by Day 3 I was a wreck, and then I managed to get a small handful of Methadone. I read and reread all kinds of posts about the horribly prolonged and unpleasant w/d from Meth, but I took them anyway, only at 5mg in the morning, for roughly 18 days. After that I got another couple subs and took roughly 1-2mg a day for about 8 days, trying to taper it down ever so slightyl each time. This is now Day 5 of no opiates at all, unless you're counting Loperimide, and who does? I'm still very disoriented in thinking and focusing, and in sight. Have hardly slept these 5 nights, which has taken it's toll. The worst part right now for me personally is the sleeping and the chills. The chills have come back with a vengeance today, and leaving me feeling more like Day 2 than I would like. But I'm so done with them. It's too much work chasing these drugs, wasting all my money, losing out on so many things I've become too lazy and lethargic to pursue. I've already lost too much time in my life. I haven't really started taking any vitamins or supplements yet, but I plan to grab some by this weekend. So, that's it I guess*.....never thought I would make it 5 days in, but here I am.....and it's mostly because of the threads on this site that I've continued telling myself "You can do this" "You're almost there" "Look at how much harder these other people's w/d was....", very truly an inspiration to those of us that don't have the family and friends to support the fight, some people have no choice but to do this on our own, and it's because of all of you that I believe I can do it. Thank you so much everyone.
Hey everyone. Not sure what to put here really, I've read forums on addiction/withdrawl countless times, but never have I posted something of my own. I started taking lortab and codeine sometime occasionally in highschool, which I was given by my mother for back pains due to scoliosis. Once I had my wisdom teeth out and recieved my first script, I gradually started using a few more and a few more as each week progressed. Eventually, after graduating higschool and starting real work, I started making tabs my breakfast, snack, lunch, snack again, and dinner, and anything in between I was sad, mad, having anxiety......I worked in an office that opiate addiction was spreading through like a disease, so they were always easy to obtain. Starting at 5's, then 7's, then 10's, then oxycodone, by that point I was still convinced that anyone using heroin or oxycontin or morphine were the junkies and I was fine because I was using the noob drugs........despite going through all my paychecks, and my savings, and borrowing money to get enough to get by, desparately trying to recycle bottles and sell things just to get by.....*Who says when you crossed the Junkie-Line?*....probably when you show up to work because that's where your dealers are, not because you're concerned about work. Over the course of a year or two as prices started going up I had to start sneaking out to my dealers to keep my ex from finding out, which worked on and off, regardless, never hindering me from making up every excuse in the book to need to go out for a few minutes. When they started getting few and far between, I let my dealer talk me into trying OC's, or nothing.....so started the snorting experiments. Within months I had begun obtaining ANYTHING that could get my buzz....tabs, Oxcod, OC's, morphine sulphate, Roxy's, Subs.......everything, no intention of maintenancing or weening down, just continuing to use harder and harder chems, becoming more and more broke and desparate. It ruined nearly every aspect of my life trying to afford and locate opiates all the time.....I eventually even started stealing my mothers, and when those were gone, I even stole dozens and dozens of tramadol from her and her boyfriend just to keep the bugs out....terrible. Eventually I just couldn't afford all the different choices, so I settled into Suboxone (self-medicating through my dealer), because he had a regular contact....it started with the intent to use for two weeks, then detox for two weeks.....the detox never happened, just kept going back for more and more subs, ....and I continued to do so for the next few years, only switching from subs when they were unavailable, or going into complete desparate junkie mode waiting. So for years I kept hidden to the best of my abilities my addiction and continued to use subs, only using something else when I couldn't get them. I tried to stop a few weeks ago, by Day 3 I was a wreck, and then I managed to get a small handful of Methadone. I read and reread all kinds of posts about the horribly prolonged and unpleasant w/d from Meth, but I took them anyway, only at 5mg in the morning, for roughly 18 days. After that I got another couple subs and took roughly 1-2mg a day for about 8 days, trying to taper it down ever so slightyl each time. This is now Day 5 of no opiates at all, unless you're counting Loperimide, and who does? I'm still very disoriented in thinking and focusing, and in sight. Have hardly slept these 5 nights, which has taken it's toll. The worst part right now for me personally is the sleeping and the chills. The chills have come back with a vengeance today, and leaving me feeling more like Day 2 than I would like. But I'm so done with them. It's too much work chasing these drugs, wasting all my money, losing out on so many things I've become too lazy and lethargic to pursue. I've already lost too much time in my life. I haven't really started taking any vitamins or supplements yet, but I plan to grab some by this weekend. So, that's it I guess*.....never thought I would make it 5 days in, but here I am.....and it's mostly because of the threads on this site that I've continued telling myself "You can do this" "You're almost there" "Look at how much harder these other people's w/d was....", very truly an inspiration to those of us that don't have the family and friends to support the fight, some people have no choice but to do this on our own, and it's because of all of you that I believe I can do it. Thank you so much everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I'm sure others will be along to post soon. We've had a lot of folks go through detox here who know what you're going through. I'm so glad you have gained wisdom and strength from reading the threads so far. Keep reading and stay strong. Don't go back to that life...glad you found us. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 1,072
My DOC was ETOH, so I cannot relate to what you are going through. I know it must be horrible but necessary. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep reading and posting. Please get medical help if you need to.
Stay strong. You have great support here.
Stay strong. You have great support here.
I Am Burning ; I Will Rise
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 286
Thanks guys. 3am and exhausted....but just cannot stay asleep for more than a few minutes. A few times today, payday mind you - a nice one, I thought to myself "If I wanted to, I could probably get 4 or 5 subs tonight.", but I just kept coming back to the threads and reading more peoples stories. And tonight at 10p when I tried to go to sleep, I thought to myself "Tomorrow morning will be 6 days, and I don't feel TOO bad." And I realized I had the doofiest ear,to ear grin on my face....that's the first time I've been so happy about NOT using something. And I know it's worth it. But tomorrow I definitely need to start a Melatonin regimen or something, I can't continue not sleeping. I'll follow up with how it goes tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Knoxville, Tn.
Posts: 33
Congrats on day 6. Your story sounds a lot like mine and I know where you are coming from. Hang in there and the withdrawal symptoms will be gone. The first 6 or 7 days were the worst for me and I will be clean for 2 weeks tomorrow. I feel back to normal again. Hang in there for a few more days and you will be glad you did. Again Congrats!!!
I Am Burning ; I Will Rise
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 286
Wow.....130a-430a was miserable.....but instead of getting angry and losing my mind like usual, I just turned on music and listened my 3 insomniatic hours away until I couldn't focus anymore. Going to get some kind of sleep aid later today like Melatonin or something. Chills are much milder today, mostly in my hands and feet or just about any exposed surface of skin....but not nearly as bad as yesterday. I also need to work something up with a vitamin regimen to get some energy back....I'm so sluggish and cloudy feeling each day. So that's my a.m. checkup, today is gonna be a good day Thanks everyone.
Thanks everyone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Knoxville, Tn.
Posts: 33
Congrats for making it this far. I promise it will get better each day. Try and make yourself get out of the house and walk around some. It helped me a lot and helped to keep my mind off of it. Again, Congrats!!!!
I Am Burning ; I Will Rise
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 286
I definitely am. I'm so happy I'm doing this. I swear if would be a different story without this site...I feel like I have as much reason to keep my word here as it is for myself. I work in a small office, 6 people with me, and 3 other people including my boss were also taking Suboxone and we were all supposed to quit together....I'm the only one who kept their word and is not continuing use. It's a little disheartening, they also lie about not using, but I already have been told the truth by one who left to "taper down"....so yeah, I really want to beat this for the first time in like 6 years. I went out tonight and got Melatonin, vitamins and healthy food. Going to try and realy get myself healthy and alive again. I also do some light cardio and a little free-weight work....trying to fight my Asthma into shape too Thanks for the support, it's really appreciated.
Thanks for the support, it's really appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
Stop...Congratulations on your sobriety. Keep it up. You will probably remain cloudy for about 2-3 weeks but it does clear.
All the B vitamins should be a part of your day, b1, b6 and b12. They will replace some of what you lost and help you feel better. Also a multivitamin. What you don't need you will pee out.
I also took Benadryl to help me sleep. But in the long run had to have Ambien for a few nights. I have never tried Melatonin. If you have Xanax or Valium you may want to try them for the restless legs however.....stop using them ASAP you can get addicted to those too and use only at night. Otherwise go with the Melatonin. I also took a really hot bath and shower prior to going to bed to try to help with my restless legs. You are over the hump as far as the worst part of it.
Don't listen to the stupid stuff your head tells you. Stay strong. Cause everyday is a new freedom from pills or whatever your DOC is. Your appetite will come back and you will get stronger everyday. The lethargy will be there for about another week. That slowly goes away too.
Good luck and stay strong. Congratulatons on Day 6 now!
All the B vitamins should be a part of your day, b1, b6 and b12. They will replace some of what you lost and help you feel better. Also a multivitamin. What you don't need you will pee out.
I also took Benadryl to help me sleep. But in the long run had to have Ambien for a few nights. I have never tried Melatonin. If you have Xanax or Valium you may want to try them for the restless legs however.....stop using them ASAP you can get addicted to those too and use only at night. Otherwise go with the Melatonin. I also took a really hot bath and shower prior to going to bed to try to help with my restless legs. You are over the hump as far as the worst part of it.
Don't listen to the stupid stuff your head tells you. Stay strong. Cause everyday is a new freedom from pills or whatever your DOC is. Your appetite will come back and you will get stronger everyday. The lethargy will be there for about another week. That slowly goes away too.
Good luck and stay strong. Congratulatons on Day 6 now!
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