Luckyv2

Even when I remain sober and clean, Depression Keeps Attacking Me.

It seems like it doesn't matter as to what depression pills I take or don't take, it doesn't matter if I have people around me, or if no one is around, no matter if I am tired or not tired. It just seems to always attack at me unless I feel as if I am in what I call "A Spiritual Fitness" which consist basically of feeling good about me and what I am doing.

However, even with that said, I could have everything going right, but if I slip up and not have my Spiritual Connection, I am screwed. And it isn't always mean that I do it on purpose. I strive to keep growing, letting go and Letting God. If I don't wake up and the first thing that I do in the morning besides making my coffee and having my smoke. If I forget to automatically pick up on my Spiritual Journey, that it just makes for not so good of a day. I don't mean to forget, however, lately it seems like I keep forgetting. Than the struggle on getting back on track seems to take more and more time.

I get more down on myself than, feeling as if I have become a failure, however I know that isn't true and I forbid to give into that thinking. I know what happens than.

Shoot....

Scolova

Sorry to hear about your depression,
I have not had a bad bout of it in many months, it might resurface in the future, but quitting the drink has been good. It's the anger\resentment that gets me now over things I've done and things done to me, but it's not the same as the old depression where I feel like I couldn't move nor divert my attention. I use to zone-out a lot when depressed and it would take over, I've been staying very busy so I'm not sure if that's what is helping, sure feels like though.

davaidavai

These moments are challenges, innate to our humanity. It sounds like you know what you need to do. Why not make those moments we encounter throughout the day moments of prayer and contemplation? It's good to slow down, to consider, to attempt to see things clearly, to avow a sense of meaning lest we lose ourselves.

NYCDoglvr

If medication isn't working I suggest asking your physician for different meds. Typically it takes several tries before a doctor gets the right med combos.

ClayTheScribe

I'd say the fact that you're noticing when you feel depressed, when it comes on and the irrationality and lack of logic to it is a good start. I try to practice mindfulness and be aware of when the darkness creeps up. Sometimes it takes me awhile, but eventually I try to turn toward it and face it. Then I touch it and see what the root of it is. I usually find there's an irrational fear at the bottom of it. A couple months ago I was in a pretty deep depression after my meds got messed up. I concluded my depression was just fear created by my shadow or my dark side. I wrote my shadow a letter telling it that I am driving in this life and it belongs in the back seat as a passenger for me to call on when I want. When I was done my depression had lifted significantly. Basically I've found the best way to tackle depression is not to run from it and try to make it better but to face it and confront it and see that its roots are illusory. The depression can never hurt you if you don't react to it. Faith that my higher power won't let me be harmed by it gets me through too. At the very least I just sit with the emotions and they eventually pass. If none of that helps, I would consider looking at my med combo.

ainsley1

I understand.

They don't call it a "downward spiral" for nothing.

There are certain things you can do to stop the spiral, i.e. exercise, talking to a friend, etc, but sometimes that is so difficult when you feel depressed.

Just remember that what you are feeling is normal, and not foreign to any person on earth. All you can do is recognize the feeling and then get on with life until it goes away.

I'm practicing this myself. It's hard.

We're here for you.

ainsley1

Yes, same here!!

Luckyv2

Thanks for all of your post I forgot about this thread until I checked on threads that I started. I think the main part of it all is my health and being so sick there for awhile. And not only that but being cooped up all winter in this room. Not a lot of room anyway, so the last 4 days straight I think it is maybe 3 I have been outside with my dog Chance and we have been pushing ourselves physically to get our old legs a moving again. It is painful, yet, I have noticed that there isn't any strength in them. I am pretty dang lucky to be where I am anyways.

Than I think what snapped was the sunshine days we have been having. The sun does give us something that helps with our depression not sure what it is. I was telling Chance (my dog) outside today, Yeah we will be AOK we are getting the natural depression fix :rotfxko Not going to be listening to the thoughts (I call Voices In My Head) in my head either

Another thing was it is just hard on everyone in the winter months at least I think it is. So now we can get out more when we are feeling better. Today and the last few days have really been good. And when I start to see me getting a little down, I than try to do something that I really like doing, a craft, music helps me, etc.

I just need to keep at this I guess all the time, I sometimes am on such a rollercoaster within my head, I am sure it has to do with PTSD, Bi-Polar, depression, anxiety, etc. So I just need to make sure I am aware, and when it hits try to keep it from hitting so hard.

ClayTheScribe

The sun is very critical to people with depression because it gives us Vitamin D which is what our brains want and need to keep us uplifted. It's pretty sunny overall in Colorado, but I still take about 4,000 IUs or so of Vitamin D everyday. It also helps in those winter months to sit in front of a sun lamp, you can get them on the internet, mine is a Verilux. Exercise has also been a necessity to keep the depression away. Glad you're feeling better, man. Keep coming back here when you need.