Relapse after less than 1 wk out of tx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Enumclaw, WA
Posts: 3
Relapse after less than 1 wk out of tx
I am posting this in both this forum and in the family and friends section just because I need to see both sides of the coin in this issue and need some type of answers so I can really move on....
-I have a boyfriend 23 rs old who I was with for two years. He wasn't an addict (or active user maybe is the term, because he admitted experimenting when he was younger) for the first year that we were together. We got engaged at the end of that first year and things seemed amazing
he had hurt his back at work a couple months prior and had to take pain pills sometimes but i didnt think much of it. Then in January 2011 he had a panic attack at work which then lead him to go visit friends in his hometown of Vancouver, WA which is about 4 hours south of me. During this visit he ended up slipping up and using heroin with a close friend down there. He said that taking the pain pills gave him a strong desire to try something stronger; it was then I found out he had been abusing the pain pills. The next couple months went smooth and i had no suspicion of him using again. We went on a trip to the ocean in May 2011 which was so wonderful for us, and after this trip i noticed changes in him. He disappeared often and random new friend names were popping up of people I have never met. He eventually admitted he slipped again. It went from this situation to him trying out meth at his parents house (where he lived) and feeling like he overdosed so went to the hospital. His parents kicked him out after that and so I gave him a place to live for a month. He then got his own apartment where the drug use continued to a point where he got a 3 day notice to vacate and this brought suicide thoughts upon him to where he OD'd on Wellbutrin one night. All these events together gave him a bottom he had reached and so he admitted himself to a mental health hospital where he was treated for suicide and also an opportunity to detox for a week. He then was transferred to a 21 day drug treatment center where I thought he did really well and realized a lot he couldnt see before when he was high. I came to visit on saturdays and brought him socks/shirts etc. if he needed them. He seemed like a changed person to me, and I thought this could be a new start for him. We had hours of great conversation and I felt very much happy and in love. When it came to the day of discharge my mom and I picked him up and took him right to a meeting, because his plan was 90/90 meetings and counseling. We had a great day and evening we went out to dinner and watched movies and it seemed great. The next morning I approached him about going to a meeting and he said that "he didnt think he needed to go to meetings." So I thought that was kind of a red flag, but then he went on to say that we should break up....that he needed time to take care of himself and had nothing to give. This was last Saturday and since then he has disappeared down to Vancouver, Wa again where he has 2 friends that are recreational users. He wont call me or text me and has deleted me as a friend from facebook, and I have a feeling that maybe he just moved down there and isnt coming back. I feel very cheated because all I have done is tried to be there for him and I envisioned this whole tx experience to be successful for him. I have no clue what he is up to or why he wont talk to me? My suspicion is a relapse...but I am very shocked that it could happen so quickly. And now Im just left here alone, traumatized without any type of closure from him. Is this normal behavior? Because right now I feel very used and hurt. I have been attending al-anon meetings to try and take care of me, but what hope do i have for him? Thanks for any help you can give......
-I have a boyfriend 23 rs old who I was with for two years. He wasn't an addict (or active user maybe is the term, because he admitted experimenting when he was younger) for the first year that we were together. We got engaged at the end of that first year and things seemed amazing
he had hurt his back at work a couple months prior and had to take pain pills sometimes but i didnt think much of it. Then in January 2011 he had a panic attack at work which then lead him to go visit friends in his hometown of Vancouver, WA which is about 4 hours south of me. During this visit he ended up slipping up and using heroin with a close friend down there. He said that taking the pain pills gave him a strong desire to try something stronger; it was then I found out he had been abusing the pain pills. The next couple months went smooth and i had no suspicion of him using again. We went on a trip to the ocean in May 2011 which was so wonderful for us, and after this trip i noticed changes in him. He disappeared often and random new friend names were popping up of people I have never met. He eventually admitted he slipped again. It went from this situation to him trying out meth at his parents house (where he lived) and feeling like he overdosed so went to the hospital. His parents kicked him out after that and so I gave him a place to live for a month. He then got his own apartment where the drug use continued to a point where he got a 3 day notice to vacate and this brought suicide thoughts upon him to where he OD'd on Wellbutrin one night. All these events together gave him a bottom he had reached and so he admitted himself to a mental health hospital where he was treated for suicide and also an opportunity to detox for a week. He then was transferred to a 21 day drug treatment center where I thought he did really well and realized a lot he couldnt see before when he was high. I came to visit on saturdays and brought him socks/shirts etc. if he needed them. He seemed like a changed person to me, and I thought this could be a new start for him. We had hours of great conversation and I felt very much happy and in love. When it came to the day of discharge my mom and I picked him up and took him right to a meeting, because his plan was 90/90 meetings and counseling. We had a great day and evening we went out to dinner and watched movies and it seemed great. The next morning I approached him about going to a meeting and he said that "he didnt think he needed to go to meetings." So I thought that was kind of a red flag, but then he went on to say that we should break up....that he needed time to take care of himself and had nothing to give. This was last Saturday and since then he has disappeared down to Vancouver, Wa again where he has 2 friends that are recreational users. He wont call me or text me and has deleted me as a friend from facebook, and I have a feeling that maybe he just moved down there and isnt coming back. I feel very cheated because all I have done is tried to be there for him and I envisioned this whole tx experience to be successful for him. I have no clue what he is up to or why he wont talk to me? My suspicion is a relapse...but I am very shocked that it could happen so quickly. And now Im just left here alone, traumatized without any type of closure from him. Is this normal behavior? Because right now I feel very used and hurt. I have been attending al-anon meetings to try and take care of me, but what hope do i have for him? Thanks for any help you can give......
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi rgreen
Welcome
I'm really sorry you're in this situation.
I'm not sure it matters whether this is 'typical addict behaviour' or not - whatever we call it, it's clearly been hurtful for you and less than you deserve.
I think he's made his feelings clear, he's drawn a line and frankly it sounds to me like you might be better off?
I know you care, but his recovery is his responsibility, not yours.
I wish you the best and hope you can move on with your life
D
Welcome
I'm really sorry you're in this situation.
I'm not sure it matters whether this is 'typical addict behaviour' or not - whatever we call it, it's clearly been hurtful for you and less than you deserve.
I think he's made his feelings clear, he's drawn a line and frankly it sounds to me like you might be better off?
I know you care, but his recovery is his responsibility, not yours.
I wish you the best and hope you can move on with your life
D
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
Only he can help himself. He must want it more than anything. My wife thought if I loved her as much as I said than I could just quit. Doesn't work that way addiction becomes away of life and until we can decide to change our own negative behavior the cycle will continue.
My wife had my pills and hand feed me them. I would never do anything to hurt her but the beast was driving and I knew they were somewhere I stole them out of her purse. To this day it makes me feel sick and I cannot talk to her about it even though she knows I did.
I decided on my own this is not the life I wanted. I'd rather be in pain than hurt myself or my family.
My wife has made it clear she could not go through it again. I cannot blame her if she left. It's not acceptable behavior plain and simple. You nor her should be placed in that position in my opinion. We are a very strong couple soul mates but drugs cannot be involved.
My thoughts are with you.
My wife had my pills and hand feed me them. I would never do anything to hurt her but the beast was driving and I knew they were somewhere I stole them out of her purse. To this day it makes me feel sick and I cannot talk to her about it even though she knows I did.
I decided on my own this is not the life I wanted. I'd rather be in pain than hurt myself or my family.
My wife has made it clear she could not go through it again. I cannot blame her if she left. It's not acceptable behavior plain and simple. You nor her should be placed in that position in my opinion. We are a very strong couple soul mates but drugs cannot be involved.
My thoughts are with you.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Rgreen, I'm sorry you are going through this.
it sounds like typical addict behavior. I AM an addict, and I am not villifying your bf, nor defending him. Addiction is a beast. Even HE knows that. Many addicts end relationships abruptly because we know what a walking tornado we are and don't want the additional guilt of hurting those who love us even more.
But then...we will think we have a handle on it, and show up again...asking for help, saying it's going to be different...and often it is no different.
I am sorry. I wish the truth was prettier, for me, for you, for all involved parties.
He may get clean and stay clean and turn his life around. You were awesome to be there for him and support his recovery. Unfortunately it appears he has relapsed.
There is nothing you can do right now. He knows help for recovery is out there should he decide to take advantage of it. You don't need to hang around hoping to help. There are professionals and he has access to them.
It hurts SO much to have done so much, believed and hoped and hung in there, only to have your heart shredded and left on your doorstep. My ABF relapsed recently.
Take care of yourself. If you are a praying person, continue to pray that your BF finds sobriety. Move on. Spend some time on the Family and Friends section here, talk things out, find out if there are any resources you can use to take care of yourself.
I learn a great deal about myself as an addict, and the consequences my behavior has on others when people like you share their stories. I don't want to hurt good people again. It helps me stay clean.
it sounds like typical addict behavior. I AM an addict, and I am not villifying your bf, nor defending him. Addiction is a beast. Even HE knows that. Many addicts end relationships abruptly because we know what a walking tornado we are and don't want the additional guilt of hurting those who love us even more.
But then...we will think we have a handle on it, and show up again...asking for help, saying it's going to be different...and often it is no different.
I am sorry. I wish the truth was prettier, for me, for you, for all involved parties.
He may get clean and stay clean and turn his life around. You were awesome to be there for him and support his recovery. Unfortunately it appears he has relapsed.
There is nothing you can do right now. He knows help for recovery is out there should he decide to take advantage of it. You don't need to hang around hoping to help. There are professionals and he has access to them.
It hurts SO much to have done so much, believed and hoped and hung in there, only to have your heart shredded and left on your doorstep. My ABF relapsed recently.
Take care of yourself. If you are a praying person, continue to pray that your BF finds sobriety. Move on. Spend some time on the Family and Friends section here, talk things out, find out if there are any resources you can use to take care of yourself.
I learn a great deal about myself as an addict, and the consequences my behavior has on others when people like you share their stories. I don't want to hurt good people again. It helps me stay clean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Enumclaw, WA
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone for your help and compassion. Every day seems to be getting a little bit better. He still hasn't contacted me, but Im starting to think that it may be better off that way. The pain is still very fresh, but Im trying to not let it drag me down. I appreciate all of your inputs and efforts to give me peace of mind. I am finding that after a couple of al-anon meetings, there is some good support out there for me through this time. Even though, I still reallly miss him and all i can really do for him is pray really hard......
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