New to the boards, new to recovery, new to hope
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Abington Massachusetts
Posts: 4
New to the boards, new to recovery, new to hope
Hi everyone!
I found this board doing a search about something unrelated, and I thought it would be a great way to have a bit more positivity in my recovery.
My story isn't as hard core as others, but it's a story nonetheless, and I would like to share it with you.
I was born to an alcoholic, drug addict who neglected my brother and I too the point that the state stepped in and I was adopted at a young age by a wonderful Christian family. They raised me as their own, and doted on me. I can honestly say my childhood with them was very good. But, (there's always the "but"), I always had a feeling of amiss, that something was missing. I tried filling that "feeling" with anything exciting, many times doing things that weren't great.
As I grew older, the activities that brought excitement dwindled, and so in my teens, I looked to other ways to have fun, and found alcohol.
Now, my parents had often told me that I should never drink, as I was genetically doomed from my biological mother, but of course I paid no attention, and my first time drinking left me violently ill, but with a thirst for more of that buzz. It happened again, and again, and pretty soon I was done with college, and living by myself. I thought this was fantastic, since I was a young guy, a paramedic, and worked two twenty four hour shifts a week, so now I had five days a week I could drink. So I did. I drank at bars, and I drank alone, because I simply liked the feeling it gave me. I became attractive, smart, funny, witty, you name it, I felt all the good feelings when I drank, and felt all the bad feelings when I didn't.
From that time of being twenty one, to twenty eight, I had numerous close calls while driving under the influence, being sent home from work because I showed up drunk, etc., but no real repurcussions. Failed relationships plagued me, I couldn't figure out why. Then I met a girl who thought I was funny, smart, and handsome, sober. All the qualities I didn't think I had, only when I drank. I married this wonderful woman, but my drinking persisted.
A year after marriage, we learned she was pregnant, and nine months later, gave birth to our son, a gift from God. The day we brought him home from the hospital, I went out to the pharmacy for formula, and came back drunk. My alcohol consumption was now graduating from beer, to vodka, and with it came a maniac of a person. Last May, my sister went to be with the Lord after a long fight with breast cancer, and that night, instead of being the husband and father my family truly needed, I was drunk again and taking Klonipin, and passed out in the bathtub. My wife had had enough, and told me of her concern. But I couldn't not go without something, some substance to "help" me cope with life.
Before this last incident, I had dabbled in opiates and benzo's, and it was at that point I simply made the switch to opiates full time. I did some terrible things to procure them, but it wasn't until I found Fentanyl that my life spiraled quickly into the toilet.
Fast forward to this May. I had been suspended from work for hitting a curb with the ambulance, and I was suspected of being under the influence of drugs. I had totalled two new trucks in one month. I was depressed, angry, terrified, and ashamed, but didn't know what to do. My faith in God wasn't such that I thought he could help me, but He did. The Lord intervened for me, and my family, and on May 19th, I surrendered to a swat team in my front yard. I spent two weeks in prison, and was served a restraining order from my wife. I then went to Teen Challenge, where I spent a number of months, and now am home. My experience with TC is mixed. I believe firmly that it helped me with my relationship with the Lord, but there is a lot of things there that were just plain wrong, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
My wife loves me, she has forgiven me, and she sees the change in me. I love me, and my life. Everyday is a blessing, but hard. Some days are harder than others, but God awnsers prayer, and continues to do so. So I sit here seven months clean, but more important, changed.
I found this board doing a search about something unrelated, and I thought it would be a great way to have a bit more positivity in my recovery.
My story isn't as hard core as others, but it's a story nonetheless, and I would like to share it with you.
I was born to an alcoholic, drug addict who neglected my brother and I too the point that the state stepped in and I was adopted at a young age by a wonderful Christian family. They raised me as their own, and doted on me. I can honestly say my childhood with them was very good. But, (there's always the "but"), I always had a feeling of amiss, that something was missing. I tried filling that "feeling" with anything exciting, many times doing things that weren't great.
As I grew older, the activities that brought excitement dwindled, and so in my teens, I looked to other ways to have fun, and found alcohol.
Now, my parents had often told me that I should never drink, as I was genetically doomed from my biological mother, but of course I paid no attention, and my first time drinking left me violently ill, but with a thirst for more of that buzz. It happened again, and again, and pretty soon I was done with college, and living by myself. I thought this was fantastic, since I was a young guy, a paramedic, and worked two twenty four hour shifts a week, so now I had five days a week I could drink. So I did. I drank at bars, and I drank alone, because I simply liked the feeling it gave me. I became attractive, smart, funny, witty, you name it, I felt all the good feelings when I drank, and felt all the bad feelings when I didn't.
From that time of being twenty one, to twenty eight, I had numerous close calls while driving under the influence, being sent home from work because I showed up drunk, etc., but no real repurcussions. Failed relationships plagued me, I couldn't figure out why. Then I met a girl who thought I was funny, smart, and handsome, sober. All the qualities I didn't think I had, only when I drank. I married this wonderful woman, but my drinking persisted.
A year after marriage, we learned she was pregnant, and nine months later, gave birth to our son, a gift from God. The day we brought him home from the hospital, I went out to the pharmacy for formula, and came back drunk. My alcohol consumption was now graduating from beer, to vodka, and with it came a maniac of a person. Last May, my sister went to be with the Lord after a long fight with breast cancer, and that night, instead of being the husband and father my family truly needed, I was drunk again and taking Klonipin, and passed out in the bathtub. My wife had had enough, and told me of her concern. But I couldn't not go without something, some substance to "help" me cope with life.
Before this last incident, I had dabbled in opiates and benzo's, and it was at that point I simply made the switch to opiates full time. I did some terrible things to procure them, but it wasn't until I found Fentanyl that my life spiraled quickly into the toilet.
Fast forward to this May. I had been suspended from work for hitting a curb with the ambulance, and I was suspected of being under the influence of drugs. I had totalled two new trucks in one month. I was depressed, angry, terrified, and ashamed, but didn't know what to do. My faith in God wasn't such that I thought he could help me, but He did. The Lord intervened for me, and my family, and on May 19th, I surrendered to a swat team in my front yard. I spent two weeks in prison, and was served a restraining order from my wife. I then went to Teen Challenge, where I spent a number of months, and now am home. My experience with TC is mixed. I believe firmly that it helped me with my relationship with the Lord, but there is a lot of things there that were just plain wrong, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
My wife loves me, she has forgiven me, and she sees the change in me. I love me, and my life. Everyday is a blessing, but hard. Some days are harder than others, but God awnsers prayer, and continues to do so. So I sit here seven months clean, but more important, changed.
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